International Rules of Manhood

[Mr Handlebars]

International Rules of Manhood
- Under no circumstances may two men share an umbrella.

- It is OK for a man to cry ONLY under the following circumstances:
(a) When a heroic dog dies to save its master.
(b) After wrecking your boss? car.
(c) One hour, 12 minutes, 37 seconds into ?The Crying Game?.


- Any Man who brings a camera to a bachelor party may be legally killed and eaten by his buddies.

- Unless he murdered someone in your family, you must bail a friend out of jail within 12 hours.

- If you?ve known a guy for more than 24 hours, his sister is off limits forever unless you actually marry her.

- Moaning about the brand of free beer in a buddy?s fridge is forbidden. However complain at will if the temperature is unsuitable.

- No man shall ever be required to buy a birthday present for another man. In fact, even remembering your buddy?s birthday is strictly optional. At that point, you must celebrate at a bar of the birthday boy?s choice.

Feel free to add your own.

[Mr Handlebars]

- On a road trip, the strongest bladder determines pit stops, not the weakest.

- When stumbling upon other guys watching a sporting event, you may ask the score of the game in progress, but you may never ask who’s playing.

- It is permissible to drink a fruity alcohol drink only when you’re sunning on a tropical beach… and it’s delivered by a gorgeous woman and only when it’s free.

- Only in situations of moral and/or physical peril are you allowed to kick another guy.

- Unless you’re in prison, never fight unclothed.

- Friends don’t let friends wear Speedos. Ever. Issue closed.

- If a man’s fly is down, that’s his problem, you didn’t see anything.

[Mr Handlebars]

- Women who claim they “love to watch sports” must be treated as spies until they demonstrate knowledge of the game and the ability to drink as much as the other sports watchers.

- A man in the company of an extremely attractive woman must remain sober enough to fight.

- Never hesitate to reach for the last beer or the last slice of pizza, but not both. That’s just greedy.

- If you compliment a guy on his six-pack, you’d better be talking about his choice of beer.

- Never join your girlfriend or wife in discussing a friend of yours.

- Phrases that may NOT be uttered to another man while lifting weights:
(a) Yeah, Baby, Push it!
(b) C’mon, give me one more! Harder!
(c) Another set and we can hit the showers!

[Mr Handlebars]

- It is acceptable for you to drive her car. It is not acceptable for her to drive yours.

- Thou shalt not buy a car in the colors of brown, pink, lime green, orange or sky blue.

- Never talk to a man in a necessary room unless you are on equal footing. For all other situations, an almost imperceptible nod is all the conversation you need.

- The woman who replies to the question “What do you want for Christmas?” with “If you loved me, you’d know what I want!” gets an Xbox. End of story.

- There is no reason for guys to watch Ice Skating or Men’s Gymnastics. Ever.

[Frothy Afterbirth]

- If you?ve known a guy for more than 24 hours, his sister is off limits forever unless you actually marry her.




That's complete bullshit pussy talk. Any open chick is fair game regardless and that is including your mother!

[skywalker]

A bunch of the rules listed above we in Maxim's Code: Rules for guys which came out years ago. I'm not sure if Maxim came up with them of if they copied them. I can't seem to find a whole list of them but here are a few more I found:

Rule #4,671: While your girlfriend must bond with your buddies? girlfriends within 30 minutes of meeting them, you are not required to make nice with her gal pals? significant @%*!heads?low-level sports bonding is all the law requires. (Sorry, ladies: It?s called a double standard because it?s twice as true.)

Rule #5,294: Unless you have signed a lucrative endorsement contract, do not appear in public wearing more than one Nike swoosh.

[adorkable2001]

1. No wasted beer in the name of humor.

2. It has been made official that under no circumstances should the male have to pay for birth control

3. If your best friend is dumped by a girl it is a 6 month waiting period till she can be touched. If he breaks up with her it?s a 6 day waiting period.

4. If two or more males arrived at a party by a single car, and the driving male is hooking up with a girl, it is the responsibility of the other males to find other ways home.
(The exception to this law is if the driver is hooking up with his own girlfriend, the law is then void and the driver still holds full responsibility of driving his friend?s home)

5. Short shorts have been banned? Unless in a participating in a sporting event that demands shorter shorts. Also no real man should be allowed to pop his collar.

6. Every man shall allow one empty urinal of separation in a bathroom with three or more urinals; law is void if there are dividers in between each urinal.

7. If a girl and a guy are not officially dating then it can't be considered cheating. However...if the guy cheats with a girl that is less attractive to the one he is originally interested in then he is either... A) Drunk or B) Dumbass. This then gives the original girl the right to either get mad or laugh at you.

8. No one should ever steal a man's alcohol from that man's cooler...this is the only law that suffers the penalty of death.

9. When bringing condoms to a party it is a man's responsibility to pack two in his pockets and one in his car as a spare incase a friend is in desperate need.

10. No heavy fornication in a friend's bed. Or just wash the sheets.

[mr.brownfella]

1. There is no need to ask me what I'm thinking about. Because the answer is always either S*x, cars or sports. If we have to make up something else when you ask, so don't ask.


2. Never allow a telephone conversation with a woman to go on longer than you are able to have S*x with her Keep a stopwatch by the phone. Hang up if necessary. (this one is tricky!)