Hindsight is...

[maxbailey]

... always twenty-twenty.

So the saying goes.

I was in a local supermarket the other day and saw a woman that I hadn't seen in a while, which brought back some memories and I just wanted to share with you all something that happened to me (and her) when I was in my late teens/early twenties. Make of it what you will, but I assure you this is the truth.

I was about 18 years old, I had my drivers license and a car and almost all of my Friday/Saturday/Sunday nights were spent at the local ice rink. I didn't actually skate, the main reason I hung about there was because a few of my friends worked there. They always had an 'Ice Disco' from 7 until 10 and I was quite happy sitting watching the world go by. Come 10 o'clock the place would close, one of my mates would fire up the Zamboni, do his stuff and by 10:30 we were out of there, grabbing a few takeaway pizzas and heading to Rab's house. Rab's dad worked night-shift at weekends and we had the house to ourselves, it was usually me, my cousin Brad, Rab and 1 or 2 others.

We would sit until 3 or 4 in the morning, them smoking weed, eating pizza, watching shit films or playing the Playstation and generally shooting the shit. I was never a drinker and I don't smoke but I enjoyed that laugh we had all the same. So this was generally my weekend, Friday and Saturday night - ice rink, Pizza, Rabs house until daft o'clock then go home sleep all day and start again. Sunday being slightly different that I went home after the skating as I usually had work the next day.

Every once in a while one of us would hook up with a girl and they'd inevitably come back to the house with us join in on the fun and stuff and then whatever. Now, I didn't go chasing girls about, I wasn't bothered. I mean, I like girls, I just thought there was no rush and I had plenty of time and if I got a girl then I was good, and if I didn't? Not bothered. Don't get me wrong, I don't think I'm some kind of silver-tongued lothario, I wasn't looking for a relationship, just some fun, so usually I'd be sitting in the skating and I'd end up talking to a girl and sometimes they'd ask if they could come back to Rabs house after, sometimes they didn't but hey-ho.

So they'd come back to the house, we'd do all the usual stuff and I'd drop them home. Sunday night comes, girl asks 'Are you going to Rab's?' Not tonight, Dear, Sunday's I go home to my own house, 'Can I come?' If you like. I stayed with my parents but I had the loft converted into what was essentially my own flat, so, you know... They would come back, I'd put the TV/music on and before long we were in various states of undress. Sometimes you'd only get a fondle and a dry hump, sometimes topless, naked even, every now and then you'd go the whole hog and get your Nat King Cole.

I wasn't fussed what happened, whether or not I got any action, it was all good to me. After all, even if all I got was teased to the point of blue balled-ness, there are worse ways to spend an evening than having a 18/19/20 year old girls tits in your mouth while she rubs her 18/19/20 year old pussy along your cock. I was also an equal opportunities kinda guy, I very rarely said no to anyone who asked to come with me/us, you just didn't know what they looked like under the clothes, so once again, it's all good. I'm not the best looking guy in the world so I was never in a position to not take my chances. As a great man once said, 'Life was like a box of chocolates. You never know what you're gonna get.' Turns out I like chocolates. Alot. Does that mean I was a slut? Probably, but I've been called worse. (Ginger, for example.)

I never spoke about what I did with the girls who I went with, except to my mates when it was only us, but not to any other girls and I never put any pressure on the girls who I seen, either. If they said no, that's fine, I wanted to fuck them, sure, not rape them. There was also no pressure about a relationship from me so every now and then you'd get a girl who just wanted a no questions asked hook-up. Again, fine by me. This went on for around 3 years, in all that time I got about 15-16 girls and had sex with about 5 or 6 of them. Not bad odds but I was happy.

So, one Friday night I'm sitting at the skating, drinking a coke and people-watching - it was a busy place, lots of people to watch - when I notice this girl, this really pretty girl, walking over to me. I tell myself to calm the fuck down, she's not coming for you. But she was. She was one of those girls, I think they're everywhere, really pretty but with 2 or 3 friends who aren't in the same league but still pretty and they all have the best stuff, clothes, parents driving Mercs and BMW's etc, you know the kind, friendly too, talks to everyone and not bitchy with it. Did I mention she was really pretty? She had long dark hair, beautiful sparkling eyes, a killer smile and a 19y/o body that you'd shoot children in the face just to get a glimpse of. She sits down. 'Hi'. Hi. 'I'm Leigh' Hi Leigh, I'm John. My heart was pounding, my head was spinning, my cousin was watching me with a 'are you fucking serious?!' look. She says 'what are you doing tonight?' Going to Rab's I reply as I take a drink of coke and try not to look like a cock. 'Can we come too?' she asks and I try not to choke and spray coke all over her.

HOLY JUMPED UP MOTHER OF JEBUS! Seriously? Of course, I reply as calm as I can manage, you want a lift over? 'Sure' she says, 'can you swing by my house so I can let my parents know I'm staying out?' Not a bother. So, me, Leigh and 2 of her friends head out at 10pm, I had told Brad, my cousin not to tell the others anything and to grab me a pizza and away we go to Leigh's house. By the time we get back to Rabs, they're already back, pizza's bought, joints rolled and laughs happening. I tell Leigh to go in first because they know I'm coming but they don't know why I'm late and it'll be funny to see the looks on their faces when the three girls walk in.

So in they walk, conversation stops dead, Rab goes into a mad panic trying to tidy up (because he was a messy bastard) and an air of disbelief descends. Wha...? Why..? Whu..? Why are you here? 'John asked us over, right John?' The guys all look at me, I nod like a fucking dumb dog. I get tore into my pizza, the girls slowly relax and join in and life is good, turns out they're quite human after all, just a little...different... from all the other girls. At one point I go into the kitchen for something, Brad follows me in, 'What the fuck is this?' Dunno, I reply, 'she asked to come over, I'm hardly gonna say no, am I?' True... He heads back out of the kitchen, I hear the door going again and assume he's come back in, I turn to say something and she's kissing me, I mean REALLY fucking kissing me, I thought she was gonna pop out the back of my fucking neck. She's pressed up against me, the smell of her is driving me insane, the feel of her body, she's just fucking stunning, I'm surprised I didn't just explode right there.

She stops and looks at me, 'you like that?', I squeak a reply of assent. She smiles and walks back out, I take about 5 minutes to stop shaking, all the time thinking, do NOT fuck this up, DO NOT fuck this up. Daft o'clock comes, I drop her and friends off and go home. Saturday night at the skating, ding-ding round 2, she asks to come over, I say yes and we go again. She kisses me again, I'm slightly more prepared this time and even manage to hold on to her. Sunday night comes, she asks to come over, I tell her I'm going home as I have work tomorrow and I'm sorry. She goes to her friends, comes back 2 minutes later, says 'I just told them to go home without me, can I come to your house with you?' I'm in a fucking dreamland here, seriously fucked in the head...

We go to my house, door closed, music on, only the light from the TV screen. We sit for a bit chatting away, all the time thinking - DO NOT FUCK THIS UP, do NOT just pounce on this girl, show some restraint, she's a proper classy girl, don't just show her that all you're thinking about is wanting to fuck her, treat her properly. So we kiss, she sits astride me, we kiss some more, she's pushing herself onto me, I want to strip her off but I don't want to look like a desperate fucking idiot. I get a feel of her unbelievable body then it's time to go home. No nakedness but good stuff.

Next weekend, Friday - same, Saturday - same, Sunday - back at my house with her. She ends up topless this time and I don't know how I hold on but I do, she's leaving me to take the lead and I don't want to push her too much and drive her away. So, topless it is, dry humping, titty sucking, kissing, just awesome shit. Any other girl I would have been ripping clothes off of but I didn't want to look like, well, any other guy I guess. I wanted to try and take my time with her and do it properly, TREAT her properly. I take her home.

Next weekend, Friday - no Leigh at the skating, Saturday - no Leigh, Sunday - home alone. Ah well, might as well fap myself to sleep with memories. I don't see her for months, then I do and she waves, says Hi, goes back to what she was doing. I think to myself, I sucked your awesome titties, that keeps me going, keeps me smiling.

I fall away from that stuff, join the Royal Air Force, move away and get married (a story in there too), leave my psycho wife, leave the RAF and move back to my home town some 7 or 8 years later. I'm working as a barman in a bar/club complex. I usually work in a club called '30somethings' for over 25's, we used to call it the vampire bar because when you put the lights on at the end of the night, all the customers would scurry away from the light and most of the woman look like they couldn't see themselves in a mirror before they left the house that night. I occasionally worked in the pub upstairs too, serving a younger crowd who were getting warmed up for a night of clubbing.

So, one quiet night I'm sitting behind the bar, minding my own, when in she walks as beautiful as ever, now in her mid to late twenties. One of those woman who just keeps getting better and better the older they get. She sees me right away and comes over, no awkwardness at all, gives me a hug and asks how I am, we chit chat back and forth, she's married now (of course she is), she's having a night out with friends who aren't here yet, blah blah blah. She asks about me, about my cousin, about Rab, did I still see them, I tell her I did still see them now and again, my cousin is married, lives in England, in the Army etc, I say 'You disappeared sharpish out of the picture though, I saw you for what, two weekends or so?' She laughs, yeah, sorry about that. What happened? I ask.

Well, she says, no-one ever asked her out on a date, it seemed they thought she was way out of their league and if someone did pluck up the courage they pussy-footed about her so much trying to impress her and not upset her and she got so frustrated with this. She had heard some girls talking about me and how I went to Rabs house and had a laugh and went home on a Sunday either with or without a girl and basically how I would try to just fuck them, no strings attached, no bullshit, just good old fashioned fucking. She said she thought I was OK looking and liked the sound of this as she said she had some pent-up stuff that needed 'seeing to'. She decided she was gonna ask me if I could 'help her out' as it were, although her friends tried to talk her out of it, she decided to ask me anyway. So she asked me. And what did I do? Switched on my moral compass at EXACTLY the wrong fucking time. She leaned across the bar and whispered in my ear 'I wanted you to fuck me, no hassles, no strings attached, just to fuck me but then you went like the rest of them did'.

I was stunned. I thought I had done well, but it turns out she WANTED fucking just as I decided to treat her right. Imagine that. Any other girl would have been nailed hard and the one you would give your right arm to fuck was throwing herself at you and you didn't fucking do it? How I didn't hang myself I'll never know...

But I realized I was wrong she said, my friends were right, I just had to wait until it was the right time.

THAT'S NOT THE FUCKING POINT!!!

So there you are people, denied a solid 10/10 girl because I didn't do what I always done to every other girl that came back with me.

TL;DR - My moral compass kicks in at exactly the wrong time and denies me a wonder-girl.

[Eccles]

Your name's not John. This post is all lies.