The fuckin Kitty Jacket is FOR SALE!

[bigblock4speed]

Hey,

Been lurking a while. Not sure if I bring anything to the table with this, but I give you the legend of the Kitty Jacket.


http://cgi.ebay.com/ws/eBayISAPI.dll...m=170301812053

[DSF Guest 10]

hahaha!!! to effing good

[DSF Guest 10]

You are bidding on one size XL Kitty Jacket. Please understand it is used and does show wear. It's not beat up or anything but it is kind of dirty. I have not and will not try to wash it because I am afraid of washing away it's powers.

It is with very deep regret and anguish that I sell this Kitty Jacket. This is a very rare article of clothing which has brought me success and personal fulfillment beyond my wildest dreams. The shear power of the Jacket has also brought me tremendous stress and fear. It is not to be owned by the faint of heart or weak willed individuals.

Let me present you with the backstory on this jacket, how I came to possess it and what I found out about the power of the Kitty Jacket and the history of Kitty Jackets in general:

In early November 2008, I was at a local automotive swap meet and flea market in Connecticut browsing for items for my car. I made sure to arrive early around 6 AM to try and find the best deals on things I might need. I was having absolutely no luck. I couldn't find anything of use. I must have walked the three acre swap meet 5 or 6 times double checking my path to make sure I hadn't missed anything.

Around 3:30 PM as the late fall sun was beginning to set, I noticed a early 80's vintage Ford van sitting off to the side in one of the rows. This van had no windows on the side except for small tinted half moons that bulged out of it. I hadn't seen this van the last time I walked by, and there was no way he had just arrived there.

For some reason I felt that van calling me. It was pretty much like when John Belushi sees the light in ?The Blues Brothers?. My intrigue got the best of me and I went over to the van. Little did I know my life was about to change. There was a very unassuming gentleman standing next to the van with various shirts and jackets laid out on a table. A lot of the items had animal prints on them. Having known the legend of the wolf ?Born to Roam? shirt ( http://www.birkoph.com/Wolf_tshirt.htm) I knew there was a reason I was there.

The man asked me if there was something I needed help with, to which I replied no. But he insisted that he help me. He told me he had something for me. I became concerned. Especially because of the creepy pedophile van he was peddling his wares from. Maybe it was because I'd struck out all day on deals, maybe it was because I truly didn't care, but I asked what it was. He told me it was a jacket. Not just any jacket, but a magical Kitty Jacket.

Trust me, I didn't believe him either but he told me how the Kitty Jacket had helped change ordinary men into extraordinary men. He also told me how some people refused to believe in the Kitty Jacket and terrible things had befallen them. These are some of the stories related to me by this gentleman:

1985- Michael J Fox was urged to wear a Kitty Jacket while filming Back to the Future by director Robert Zemeckis but chose to wear the vest referred to as a life preserver in the film. The script had to be changed and Fox was later diagnosed with Parkinson's Disease.

1991- Magic Johnson, fresh off his loss in the NBA Finals to Michael Jordan and the Chicago Bulls denounces the power of his Kitty Jacket and in November retires from the NBA HIV positive.

1997- Three brothers named Hanson from Tulsa Oklahoma find a kitty jacket behind an Arby's restaurant and are transformed into superstars overnight. There's no way their song ?MMMBop? becomes a hit without a Kitty Jacket in their wardrobe.

2001- Leonardo DiCaprio reveals to the media he was wearing his Kitty Jacket while floating in the water during James Cameron's 1997 blockbuster ?Titanic?. He simply couldn't sink in the water with the Kitty Jacket on, therefore his character couldn't die. Cameron denies this ever happened

2002- James Cameron finally admits DiCaprio was telling the truth and millions of dollars in CGI technology had to be spent to edit out the jacket and make Jack Dawson die.

2003- Saddam Hussein is captured by American forces in Iraq after being finked on by an Iraqi informant. Hussein had been harboring WMD's in hopes of selling them on the black market in exchange for a Kitty Jacket.


I stood there in utter astonishment listening to the man and couldn't believe it. How could a jacket change the world? I asked to try it on. He asked me to bend on one knee like James Brown did in ?Rocky IV? and he draped it over my shoulders. I didn't feel any different. Nothing happened. The man told me I would have to pay for the jacket. He insisted on $50. But I haggled him down to $40. After all, it was a swap meet. But he warned me, ?with great power, comes great responsibility?. With the Spider-Man quote the jacket was bestowed upon me.

I walked back to the truck and regretted my purchase. I went home, and nothing had changed. I expected Ed McMahon to be at my house with a Publisher's Clearinghouse check or something. As I slept that night, I had a dream about the kid with the lunchbox in the movie ?The Wizard? starring Fred Savage. I woke up and immediately got angry I was never able to beat Super Mario Brothers 3 on NES.

I went into the kitchen to get a drink and shake off the dream, but tripped in the living room and fell on my face. I turned on the light and there was an original Nintendo set up to my TV. I sold my Nintendo years ago to buy a 89 Upper Deck Ken Griffey rookie card. How did this NES get there? I can't say for certain, but I'm pretty sure the Kitty Jacket had something to do with it. So I turned it on and played. Mario had the Tanooki suit on and couldn't lose it despite getting hit by the fire spitting flowers. I beat the game finally all these years later! In the morning the NES was gone!

I had a pickup basketball game that night and scored my triple double. I even dunked once on a guy who's 9 inches taller than I am. Having this new found courage, I tempted fate and jumped a shark tank on my motorcycle. I successfully cleared the tank and gave a rousing speech afterwards to a huge crowd by the side of the tank. Three months later, people still remind me how that speech changed their lives.

I began to wonder about the Jacket and whom else had one. Is it a secret society not unlike the Free Masons? Is it being used on a daily basis by otherwise ordinary men? I turned to Google to find out. Though the use of Google and some wicked awesome program that wasn't on my computer before I had the jacket, I was able to find pictures of people wearing the jacket and doing great things. You be the judge.

But the jacket proved to be too powerful. Granted I was scoring with hot chicks nightly, sometimes twice nightly, but I was wearing myself out. Specifically with the ladies. So I decided to lend the jacket to a friend who wore it to a Gentlemen's Club. Not only did the jacket come back smelling of beer and covered in glitter, but Phil hasn't been the same since. He claims to have not paid for a dance all night and that he ended up going home with two Brazilian women. I refused to let him borrow the jacket, realizing it's powers of transference. I have caught Phil trying to break into my house twice to procure the Kitty Jacket.

And it is for this I regretfully have to pass the power of the Kitty Jacket on. For as many riches and personal growth it has brought me, it has begun to bring great stress and anxiety to my life. I will miss it. But I will cherish the memories of the brief glorious time I was able to don the Kitty Jacket.


Who knows what powers the jacket will bring the lucky winner of the auction? Yes I did get it on with the ladies, and yes I did get to sit front row at the Grammy's the other night. But that might not happen to you. Apple iPhones 3G networks did browse faster when I wore the jacket and gas prices went down in my neighborhood, and the Celtics won the 2008 NBA championship but that might not happen to you.

I'm not a wizard or a soothsayer but I do know when I wear this jacket great things happened to me. And by looking at the pictures, great things have happened to those individuals as well.

I can in no way guarantee the auction winner or any wearer of the Kitty Jacket will be blessed with great powers.




Please do not bid on the Kitty Jacket if you do not intend on paying for it. If you win and regret your decision, I am not interested in excuses like the following:

My kid submitted the bid as a joke.

I was looking at the auction and eating a Hot Pocket which burned my tongue and I slammed the plate on the keyboard which entered my bid and submitted it.

I banged my wife's sister and my wife who still has access to my e Bay ID, is adding the Jacket to my side for the divorce settlement so she can get more $$$.



This auction is being listed as a no reserve auction. I will not end it early especially for you Alex Rodriguez, so stop calling me and sending me Facebook friend requests.


Full payment is expected within 7 days of the end of the auction. And just so everyone knows I will be traveling when the Kitty Jacket auction ends and will not be able to ship it until I get back on February 26th. The jacket is already in a safety deposit box in a bank miles from my house (I had to add this, in case Phil sees the auction and has ideas about trying to break into my house).


Good luck everyone!

[nachos1345]

WTF is this?

[LingeringLonger]

Why? Just Why?

[bigblock4speed]

I thought it was funny when I wrote it. I hope I get my $40 back.

[n2tattoos.lol]

i'll give you $40 AND let you keep the 'Magical' Kitty Jacket if you never post again.

[bigblock4speed]

How about you give me $40 for it, I shit on it and ship it to out to you.

[Striker]

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DO IT!

[bigblock4speed]

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If he wins, I don't see why not.