Interesting...and not so interesting.

[FortySuz&Two]

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my thumb was longer too. can't say the same for my penis.

[kcamsdog1387]

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How The Average U.S. Consumer Spends Their Paycheck

[McHookerino]

Is the alcoholic beverages "per month"????

[DontSnatch]

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its all per year

[ThatHaole]

Oh man. How did I talk myself into this? This was not a good idea.

What am I supposed to be doing right now? Should I be doing something? She looks pretty occupied currently. She?s already handling three dudes. I guess I?ll just stand here and stroke it some more. Keep your head together Mike. Your time will come. Man this gangbang is awkward!

This seemed like it would be awesome. It always looked so cool in the videos. But all this waiting and watching is really uncomfortable.

I figured I?d just sort of fall into a natural rhythm and find my groove, but I?ve gotta admit that I am really perplexed as to the proper gangbang protocol here.

Whoa. She just looked at me. Does that mean she wants me to come up there so she can suck me off? Maybe that?s what she's indicating. But what if she didn?t mean that? What if I go up there and shove my junk in her face and she doesn?t want anything to do with it? I?d look like a real horse?s ass then. I?d better just wait here.

Man this guy?s taking a long time. Come on dude, who are you trying to impress here? There are other guys waiting.

Look at that guy?s penis! It?s way bigger then mine. Thicker at least. I hope I don?t have to follow him. She won?t even know I?m in there.

Oh man, he caught me staring at it. Well that?s just great. Now he?s gonna think I?m queer. I?m not queer man. I?m just a little self conscious. God this is awkward.

It?s too hot in here.

These guys are all saying sexy things to her. I?m the only one who?s not talking dirty. I should say something so that they don?t think I?m lame. Here goes....

?Yeah, you like that bitch!?

Shit. That was stupid. Now everyone?s looking at me like I?m some misogynistic asshole.

I am an asshole. Why did I have to say the most clich?, demeaning thing I could think of? Like I need to remind her that she ?likes that?. Smooth move dumbass.

I wonder why she?s doing this. I?ll bet she had a bad childhood. She probably lacked a strong paternal figure in her life.

Damn it. Now I?m half mast. Now I look like the guy that can?t keep it up. Concentrate Mike. Stop psychoanalyzing and keep your mind on the sex.

Okay here we go, that guy?s done. About time. Should I go now? I?ve waited long enough, I?m going in there.

Damn it. The Italian guy beat me to it. I was here way before the Italian guy. How are we determining who?s turn it is here anyways? Was there some sign up sheet I missed or something? Damn it.

Steady Mike old boy. There?s plenty for everyone. Just wait it out. Deep breaths.

I hope no one tries to go anal when I?m taking my turn. I?m not real cool with my stuff touching another guy?s stuff. And I think that would be unavoidable. That would be really awkward.

Something in here stinks. Is that me? I hope it?s not me. Oh man, I hope it?s not her! Wait, no, it?s the Italian guy. Thank God.

This Gang Bang is so Awkward - by Mike Polk

Okay, time to make your move Mike. I?ve gotta get in there and mix it up. Other wise I?m that creep at the gangbang who?s just watching and beating off. You?ve gotta be in it to win it. Okay here goes.

Wait, what?s going on? Everyone?s finishing off on her! We?re climaxing already? We just got started! I haven?t even gone yet!

Okay stay calm Mike. No one knows that. Just finish yourself off so that you?re not the odd man out.

Well this was great. This was just great. A red letter day in my sad sexual history. And what am I supposed to do now? Do we all hang around for a while and talk about it? Where should I clean up?

God this is awkward

[Boon]

^^^ epic. Truly.

[Expletive]

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I was depressed all day, not to mention in a terrible mood, but my god, that made it better. Wow, that's--- that sounds like me.

where the fuck did pisceschef get that from?

[Boon]

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I read it on the million fucked up post thread you started.

[ThatHaole]

Welcome to Every Date Ever:

Knock knock

Oh hi, how's it going? It's me! Every girl ever. I'm really looking forward to this date. I'm not nearly as attractive as you remember me being because when we met the bar was dark and you were drunk. Come on in.

Let's start off with the unavoidable tour of my incredibly typical post-college-girl apartment.

You'll notice that I went ahead and purchased everything that Ikea and Pier 1 have ever produced. There's my decorative birdcage over there even though I don't have a bird, and there's my gay wicker basket with bamboo poles in it. I don't know what the hell that's thing's all about, but I bought it.

Hey check it out, I have more candles in here than a Roman Catholic Church. Doesn't it smell like Hazelnut!? If I were to light all of my candles at once you could see my apartment from space! I fucking love candles!

Come on into the living room.

Oh, I see you met my cat there. That's "Freddy Paws Jr." Why don't you pet him and act like you like cats even though you hate cats? There you go. Oh, he took a little swing at your eye there huh? Yeah, he'll do that. Hey, let's check out the kitchen.

Hey look at my refrigerator. There are pictures all over it! Look at all these pictures of me and my equally vacuous friends from college! We were so crazy! You can tell we're really good friends because our faces are all pressed up against each other like that.

And check it out, we're holding up alcoholic beverages to the camera in every single picture. That's to prove that we were partying. College was so fun! But of course I don't talk to any of these girls anymore because now they're all bitches.

Let's go back into the hallway!

Hey, before we leave I'm going to go in the bathroom for ten minutes for some mysterious reason. Why don't you sit awkwardly in my big, stupid, round papizan chair over there while you wait for me. It's like you're sitting in a hug! Be right back...

Sorry that took a half an hour, I don't know what the hell I was doing in there. Let's go!

Wow! Thanks for opening my car door for me! I'm totally going to blow that meaningless gesture out of proportion and delude myself into thinking that you're a really good guy because that's what I want to believe.

Well, here we are at the restaurant. No thanks waiter, I don't need to see a menu, just bring me some expensive things. Hey I know, while we wait, I'll tell you all about my unspeakably boring job. I hate my boss. He's a jerk! I might get another job. Maybe something in pharmaceutical sales.

Now let's talk about my family. I love my family. I want you to love my family. I want my family to love you. I want you to make love to my family! I want you to go golfing with my semi-retarded brother Travis. That would be so God damned cute!

Wow! I can't believe I ordered all this food! I have no intention of eating any of it. No thanks waiter, we don't need a box. Just throw it out.

Hey, I've got an idea, let's go to a bar and have an after dinner drink! It'll be great, it will be just like how we're drinking here, only it will be louder and we'll have to stand up. Come on!

See, isn't this better? Oh hey, what a coincidence. Look over there! It's a group of my friends that I knew was going to be here. Let's go over there so that they can judge you!

Hey, I have to go to the bathroom for a half an hour again for some reason. You can stay here and talk to my unbelievably hideous friend Christine! Christine's so ugly she scares kids! Talk to her! She has a job and a family that she wants to talk to you about too. Be right back.

I'm back! Sorry I was gone for three hours, there was a line. I want to go home now.

Well here we are at my door again. This was really fun for me and not you. You should pretend like we're going to do it again sometime! Maybe I'll see you at Target a few months from now and we can avoid eye contact because you never called me. Here, have this awkward goodnight kiss that's as empty as my soul. Good night!