The Truth About Poop

I just confirmed my suspicions. Mentally, i am a five year old child because i giggled no less than 4 times while reading this article. Anyways i thought some of you could use some info on your shit...
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The Scoop on Poop
We help you answer the most common and sometimes sensitive questions about bowel movements.
By Heather Hatfield



We have a lot of silly names for it: BMs, caca, doo-doo, turds, and of course, poop.

We don't generally discuss it in our daily conversations.

But asking some important questions about your bowel movements might give you some insight into your gastrointestinal health. Here's the scoop on poop.

ABCs of Poop

Bowel movements are the end result of your body taking the nutrients it needs from the food you eat and eliminating what's left.

?Bowel movements are important for your health because they are the body?s natural way of excreting waste from the body,? says Eric Esrailian, MD, section head in general gastroenterology at the David Geffen School of Medicine at UCLA.

When it comes to frequency, color, shape, and size, a general rule of thumb is that normal bowel movements are defined as what?s comfortable for you. But being knowledgeable about your digestive process can help you identify when normal goes awry.

Frequency: ?There is no normal when it comes to frequency of bowel movements, only averages? says Bernard Aserkoff, MD, a physician in the GI Unit at Massachusetts General Hospital in Boston.

It?s average to go once or twice a day, he says, but many people go more, and some go less -- maybe every other day, and or as infrequently as once or twice a week. As long as you feel comfortable, you don?t need to give your BMs much thought.

Color: ?Bowel movements are generally brown in color because of bile, which is produced in the liver and important to the digestion process,? Aserkoff tells WebMD.

The food you eat typically takes three days from the time you eat it until it finishes its journey in your toilet, Aserkoff says. If it takes a shorter time, the result may be greener stool because green is one of the first colors in the rainbow of the digestive process.

Color can be a red flag when it?s a drastic change, Aserkoff says.

?If stool is black, it can mean that you are bleeding internally, possibly as a result of an ulcer or cancer,? he says.

Stool that is light in color -- like grey clay -- can also mean trouble if it?s a change from what you normally see. Although it doesn?t happen often, very light-colored stool can be reflective of liver disease.

Size and shape: ?We used to believe that size was indicative of a problem if the stool was ?pencil-thin,?? Aserkoff says. ?But recent research indicates that this is actually not true.?

Size and shape are irrelevant, Aserkoff says, if what?s coming out is normal for you.

Odor: Bowel movements usually smell. But is it normal if your trips to the bathroom mean that the rest of the family has to avoid that part of the house for an hour or two?

The answer is yes. It?s normal, and probably a good sign that your gut is abundant with bacteria that is working hard to keep you healthy.

Your intestines are swarming with trillions upon trillions of bacteria that enhance digestive and metabolic processes. They are also the reason why poop smells -- a direct result of the bacterial activity in your GI tract. So although it's no bed of roses, it is normal for your bowel movements to stink.

Poop Problems

So what happens when your poop process gets out of whack? The first sign that your intestines aren?t up to par is a shift from your normal GI routine, and as a result, discomfort below the waist.

Constipation and Diarrhea
Constipation is a concern when you normally have a bowel movement once or twice a day, and that changes -- maybe you haven?t gone in three days, or more. However long it?s been, you now feel gassy, bloated, and generally uncomfortable. When you try to go, you have to push and strain, and what comes out is a whole lot of nothin?.

Constipation can have many causes. It might be that you?ve had a shift in your diet, such as a drop in fiber intake, or maybe because you?re not drinking enough water each day, or because your physical activity level has decreased, slowing your metabolic processes down, including digestion. Certain medications (such as narcotic pain medicines and iron supplements) can also cause constipation problems.

Although constipation causes one set of problems, diarrhea can also mean digestive disaster. Whether it?s caused by a meal that just didn?t sit right, or a harmful bacterium or virus, it's categorized by loose stool, and another hallmark of GI trouble -- discomfort.

?Diarrhea can be caused by any number of factors,? Aserkoff says. ?But the problem with diarrhea, in addition to the obvious, is that it can cause other health problems, like dehydration, if you?re living with it for more than two or three days.?

Generally, you recoup from a bout of diarrhea or constipation in a day or two, Aserkoff says. If not, it?s probably worth a trip to the doctor for further GI troubleshooting.

Blood in the Stool
?One of the most significant warning signs when it comes to bowel movements is blood in the stool,? Esrailian says.

Blood in your stool could be a symptom of something as significant as cancer and warrants a call to your doctor right away -- even if you think it could be hemorrhoids, or tiny tears in the anal tissue, as a result of constipation and straining, he says. If you?re over 50, or if you have a family history of colorectal cancer, a colonoscopy is probably in order.

Other warning signs to watch for when your bowel movements have taken a turn for the worse are fever, abdominal pain, or dehydration -- any one of which could be tied to GI trouble, such as a virus, appendicitis, or food poisoning.

Good GI Health

Tricks to keeping your poop on track are simple ones: a healthy diet high in fiber, lots of water, and regular exercise.

?Generally, 20-25 grams of dietary fiber per day is recommended, and for many people, you get this much in a healthy diet,? Esrailian says. ?If you are having infrequent bowel movements and are experiencing discomfort, then the first easy way to correct it is to increase dietary fiber through food, supplement, or both.?

High-fiber powerhouse foods are whole-grain cereals and breads, fresh vegetables and fruit, and nuts. Usually, a day or two of a fiber-focused diet will put your trips to the bathroom back on track.

Proper hydration is also key for your colon, ensuring you have enough fluid in your body to move stool through the digestive track and out the other end on a regular basis, Esrailian says.

Exercise is also beneficial for your bowels. It helps improve GI ?motility,? he says, and can often alleviate constipation by improving your metabolic and digestive processes.

Overall, normal is a pretty easy mark to make when it comes to your bowel movements, both experts say, and aside from the warning signs they offered, what goes in one end usually comes out the other with minimal problems along the way.


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[punjab]

heh. poop.

having a 5 year-old and a 2 year-old in the house ensures that poop will continue to cause snickers for quite a while.

and they're goddamn right about exercise helping to keep things moving. i have to shit about 75% of the time after i run.

to sum; poop.

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Is that before or after the hydroxycut?

Hydroxycut makes you shit a lot, so i heard

[punjab]

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before, after, and during.

if you eat prunes, drink coffee, and pop a few (now banned) hydroxycut, you will achieve a monumental shitter clogging load the likes of which your company's janitor has never seen.

don't forget the grande latte enema

[Predator24]

WTF!

A 50/50 Champagne Enema will wipe you out.
Try it, trust this!!!

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[pmpn8ez112]

We've all been there but don't like to admit it. As
much as we try to convince ourselves otherwise, the
WORKPOOP is inevitable. For those who hate pooping at
work, following is the Survival Guide for taking a
dump at work.

CROP DUSTING
When farting, you walk briskly around the office so
the smell is not in your area and everyone else gets a
whiff but doesn't know where it came from.
Be careful when you do this. Do not stop until the
full fart has been expelled. Walk an extra 30 feet to
make sure the smell has left your pants.

FLY BY
The act of scouting out a bathroom before pooping.
Walk in and check for other poopers. If there are
others in the bathroom, leave and come back again. Be
careful not to become a FREQUENT FLYER. People may
become suspicious if they catch you constantly going
into the bathroom.

ESCAPEE
A fart that slips out while taking a leak at the
urinal or forcing a poop in a stall. This is usually
accompanied by a sudden wave of embarrassment.
If you release an escapee, do not acknowledge it.
Pretend it did not happen. If you are standing next to
the farter in the urinal, pretend you did not hear it.
No one likes an escapee. It is uncomfortable for all
involved. Making a joke or laughing makes both parties
feel uneasy.

JAILBREAK
When forcing a poop, several farts slip out at a
machine gun pace. This is usually a side effect of
diarrhea or a hangover. If this should happen, do not
panic. Remain in the stall until everyone has left the
bathroom to spare everyone the awkwardness of what
just occurred.


COURTESY FLUSH
The act of flushing the toilet the instant the poop
hits the water. This reduces the amount of air time
the poop has to stink up the bathroom. This can help
you avoid being caught doing the WALK OF SHAME.

WALK OF SHAME
Walking from the stall, to the sink, to the door after
you have just stunk up the bathroom. This can be a
very uncomfortable moment if someone walks in and
busts you. As with farts, it is best to pretend that
the smell does not exist. Can be avoided with the use
of the COURTESY FLUSH.

OUT OF THE CLOSET POOPER
A colleague who poops at work and is damn proud of it.
You will often see an Out Of The Closet Pooper enter
the bathroom with a newspaper or magazine under his or
her arm. Always look around the office for the Out Of
The Closet Pooper before entering the bathroom.

THE POOPING FRIENDS NETWORK (P.F.N)
A group of co-workers who band together to ensure
emergency pooping goes off without incident. This
group can help you to monitor the whereabouts of Out
Of the Closet Poopers, and identify SAFE HAVENS.

SAFE HAVENS
A seldom used bathroom somewhere in the building where
you can least expect visitors. Try floors that are
predominantly of the opposite sex. This will reduce
the odds of a pooper of your sex entering the
bathroom.

TURD BURGLAR
Someone who does not realize that you are in the stall
and tries to force the door open. This is one of the
most shocking and vulnerable moments that can occur
when taking a poop at work. If this occurs, remain in
the stall until the Turd Burglar leaves. This way you
will avoid all uncomfortable eye contact.


CAMO-COUGH
A phony cough that alerts all new entrants into the
bathroom that you are in a stall. This can be used to
cover-up a WATERMELON, or to alert potential Turd
Burglars. Very effective when used in conjunction with
an ASTAIRE.

ASTAIRE
A subtle toe-tap that is used to alert potential Turd
Burglars that you are occupying a stall. This will
remove all doubt that the stall is occupied. If you
hear an Astaire, leave the bathroom immediately so the
pooper can poop in peace.

WATERMELON
A poop that creates a loud splash when hitting the
toilet water. This is also an embarrassing incident.
If you feel a Watermelon coming on, create a
diversion. See CAMO-COUGH.

HAVANA OMELET
A case of diarrhea that creates a series of loud
splashes in the toilet water. Often accompanied by an
Escapee. Try using a Camo-Cough with an Astaire.

UNCLE TED
A bathroom user who seems to linger around forever.
Could spend extended lengths of time in front of the
mirror or sitting on the pot. An Uncle Ted makes it
difficult to relax while on the crapper, as you should
always wait to poop when the bathroom is empty. This
benefits you as well as the other bathroom attendees.

WATER SPOUT
A situation in which the waste that has just been
deployed forces the water in which it was submerged,
is force back onto the rectum of the pooping worker.
Such a situation can be prevented with a CATCHER'S MIT

CATCHER'S MIT
The process in which the pooper, prior to deploying
his waste, lays down a primary bunch of toilet paper
in order to prevent a Water Spout. As the waste hits
the floating toilet paper, it is met with a soft
cushion that does not disturb \n the water.

^^^ fucking LoL's at all of these.... funny stuff man

[DontSnatch]

lmfao - is all i have to say. amazing

whoever wrote these is a genius

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