Funny Exam Answers

[staroffurby]

Are people really this stupid? This is frightening as these are said to be real answers from exam papers from here in the UK and in America!

They might entertain some of you!

Q: Name the four seasons.
A: Salt, pepper, mustard and vinegar.

Q: Explain one of the processes by which water can be
made safe to drink.
A: Flirtation makes water safe to drink because it removes large pollutants like grit, sand, dead sheep and canoeists.

Q: What happens to your body as you age?
A: When you get old, so do your bowels and you get intercontinental.

Q: What happens to a boy when he reaches puberty?
A: He says good-bye to his boyhood and looks forward to his adultery.

Q; Name a major disease associated with cigarettes.
A: Premature death.

Q: How can you delay milk turning sour?
A: Keep it in the cow.

Q: What does the word "benign" mean?
A: Benign is what you will be after you be eight.

Q: What is a turbine?
A: Something an Arab wears on his head.

Q: What is a Hindu?
A: It lays eggs.

Moses led the Hebrew slaves to the Red Sea, where they made unleavened bread which is bread made without any ingredients. Moses went up on Mount Cyanide to get the ten commandments. He died before he ever reached Canada.

Solomom had three hundred wives and seven hundred porcupines.

Socrates was a famous Greek teacher who went around giving people advice. They killed him. Socrates died from an overdose of wedlock. After his death, his career suffered a dramatic decline.

Eventually, the Romans conquered the Greeks. History calls people Romans because they never stayed in one place for very long.

In midevil times most people were alliterate. The greatest writer of the futile ages was Chaucer, who wrote many poems and verses and also wrote literature.

Another story was William Tell, who shot an arrow through an apple while standing on his son's head.

Queen Elizabeth was the "Virgin Queen." As a queen she was a success. When she exposed herself before her troops they all shouted "hurrah."

It was an age of great inventions and discoveries. Gutenberg invented removable type and the Bible. Another important invention was the circulation of blood. Sir Walter Raleigh is a historical figure because he invented cigarettes and started smoking. And Sir Francis Drake circumcised the world with a 100 foot clipper.

The greatest writer of the Renaissance was William Shakespeare. He was born in the year 1564, supposedly on his birthday. He never made much money and is famous only because of his plays. He wrote tragedies, comedies, and hysterectomies, all in Islamic pentameter. Romeo and Juliet are an example of a heroic couplet. Romeo's last wish was to be laid by Juliet.

One of the causes of the Revolutionary War was the English put tacks in their tea. Also, the colonists would send their parcels through the post without stamps. Finally the colonists won the War and no longer had to pay for taxis. Delegates from the original 13 states formed the Contented Congress. Thomas Jefferson, a Virgin, and Benjamin Franklin were two singers of the Declaration of Independence. Franklin discovered electricity by rubbing two cats backwards and declared, "A horse divided against itself cannot stand.". Franklin died in 1790 and is still dead.

Soon the Constitution of the United States was adopted to secure domestic hostility. Under the constitution the people enjoyed the right to keep bare arms.

Gravity was invented by Issac Walton. It is chiefly noticeable in the autumn when the apples are falling off the trees.

Johann Bach wrote a great many musical compositions and had a large number of children. In between he practiced on an old spinster which he kept up in his attic. Bach died from 1750 to the present. Bach was the most famous composer in the world and so was Handel. Handel was half German half Italian and half English. He was very large.

The French Revolution was accomplished before it happened and catapulted into Napoleon. Napoleon wanted an heir to inherit his power, but since Josephine was a baroness, she couldn't have any children.

Queen Victoria was the longest queen. She sat on a thorn for 63 years. She was a moral woman who practiced virtue. Her death was the final event which ended her reign.

The nineteenth century was a time of a great many thoughts and inventions. People stopped reproducing by hand and started reproducing by machine. The invention of the steamboat caused a network of river to spring up. Cyrus McCormick invented the McCormick raper, which did the work of a hundred men.

Louis Pasteur discovered a cure for rabbis. Charles Darwin was a naturalist who wrote the Organ of the Species. Madman Curie discovered radio. And Karl Marx became one of the Marx brothers.

The First World War, caused by the assignation of the Arch-Duck by an anahist, ushered in a new error in the anals of human history.

Ancient Egypt was inhabited by mummies and they all wrote in hydraulics.They lived in the Sarah Dessert and traveled by Camelot. The climate of the Sarah is such that the inhabitants have to live elsewhere.

The Greeks were a highly sculptured people, and without them we wouldn’t have history. The Greeks also had myths. A myth is a female moth.

In the Olympic games, Greeks ran races, jumped, hurled the biscuits, and threw the java.

Julius Caesar extinguished himself on the battlefields of Gaul. The Ides of March murdered him because they thought he was going to be made king. Dying, he gasped out: “Tee hee, Brutus.”

Joan of Arc was burnt to a steak and was cannonized by Bernard Shaw. Finally Magna Carta provided that no man should be hanged twice for the same offense.

Beethoven wrote music even though he was deaf. He was so deaf he wrote loud music. He took long walks in the forest even when everyone was calling for him. Beethoven expired in 1827 and later died for this. His death made writing music very hard.

The sun never set on the British Empire because the British Empire is In the East and the sun sets in the West.

For a nosebleed: Put the nose much lower than the body until the heart stops.

For asphyxiation: Apply artificial respiration until the patient is dead.

For dog bite: put the dog away for several days. If he has not recovered, then kill it.

For head cold: use an agonizer to spray the nose untill it drops in your throat.

We say the cause of perfume disappearing is evaporation. Evaporation gets blamed for a lot of things people forget to put the top on.

If conditions are not favorable, bacteria go into a period of adolescence.

There is a tremendous weight pushing down on the center of the Earth because of so much population stomping around up there these days.

Respiration is composed of two acts, first inspiration, and then expectoration.

A vibration is a motion that cannot make up its mind which way it wants to go.

To collect fumes of sulfur, hold a deacon over a flame in a test tube.

South America has cold summers and hot winters, but somehow they still manage.

To remove dust from the eye, pull the eye down over the nose.

Cyanide is so poisonous that one drop of it on a dogs tongue will kill the strongest man.

Vegetative propagation is the process by which one individual manufactures another individual by accident.

Germinate: To become a naturalized German.

Most books now say our sun is a star. But it still knows how to change back into a sun in the daytime.

We believe that the reptiles came from the amphibians by spontaneous generation and study of rocks.

Algebraical symbols are used when you do not know what you are talking about.

Many dead animals in the past changed to fossils while others preferred to be oil.

The inhabitants of Moscow are called Mosquitoes.

Vacuums are nothings. We only mention them to let them know we know they're there.

To most people solutions mean finding the answers. But to chemists solutions are things that are still all mixed up.

When electric currents go through them, guitars start making sounds. So would anybody.

It is easy to teach anyone to play the maracas. Just grip the neck and shake him in rhythm.

When a singer sings, he stirs up the air and makes it hit any passing eardrums. But if he is good, he knows how to keep it from hurting.

[Frothy Afterbirth]

Yes there are fucking stupid people everywhere and sadly they don't die out fast enough.

Hey there's some pretty good sig lines in here

[Frothy Afterbirth]

"For asphyxiation: Apply artificial respiration until the patient is dead."

"It is easy to teach anyone to play the maracas. Just grip the neck and shake him in rhythm."

"There is a tremendous weight pushing down on the center of the Earth because of so much population stomping around up there these days."

"Respiration is composed of two acts, first inspiration, and then expectoration."

"A vibration is a motion that cannot make up its mind which way it wants to go."

[nestanesta]

my friend wrote "romulus and remus sucking on a wolf's tit" on my sixth grade latin test

[GuinnessStout]

my cheeks hurt! That was an awesome read!

[nestanesta]

my friend also said that 'fellatio' was the cause of the schism in the catholic church

...ok that was me

[maxbailey]

And Sir Francis Drake circumcised the world with a 100 foot clipper.

Fucking Awesome!

[staroffurby]

Glad you like these, they just make me laugh every time i read them. Trying to decide what to use as a sig from this lot!

[mr.brownfella]

A vibration is a motion that cannot make up its mind which way it wants to go.

This is classic. Thank you for the late night laugh.