the duel! - The Drunken stepFORUM - A place to discuss your worthless opinions

#1 03-19-2009, 01:13 PM

this is old and i am bringing it out of retirement because nobody is posting anything today.... i don't know who was the original author was
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M & M Duel

Whenever I get a package of plain M&Ms, I make it my duty to continue the strength and robustness of the candy as a species. To this end, I hold M&M duels.

Taking two candies between my thumb and forefinger, I apply pressure, squeezing them together until one of them breaks and splinters. That is the "loser," and I eat the inferior one immediately. The winner gets to go another round.

I have found that, in general, the brown and red M&Ms are tougher, and the newer blue ones are genetically inferior. I have hypothesized that the blue M&Ms as a race cannot survive long in the intense theater of competition that is the modern candy and snack-food world.

Occasionally I will get a mutation, a candy that is misshapen, or pointier, or flatter than the rest. Almost invariably this proves to be a weakness, but on very rare occasions it gives the candy extra strength. In this way, the species continues to adapt to its environment.

When I reach the end of the pack, I am left with one M&M, the strongest of the herd. Since it would make no sense to eat this one as well, I pack it neatly in an envelope and send it to M&M Mars, A Division of Mars, Inc., Hackettstown, NJ 17840-1503 U.S.A., along with a 3x5 card reading, "Please use this M&M for breeding purposes."

This week they wrote back to thank me, and sent me a coupon for a free 1/2 pound bag of plain M&Ms. I consider this "grant money." I have set aside the weekend for a grand tournament. From a field of hundreds, we will discover the True Champion.

There can be only one.

salumeria · #2 03-19-2009, 01:35 PM

I need to find a bag of M&M's and test his hypothesis.

serafina · #3 03-19-2009, 01:39 PM

He seems to have his priorities in order.

PANDAmonium · #4 03-19-2009, 04:04 PM

Reminds me of the "hair test". You yank out a strand of your hair and try to break someone else's hair with it to see whose hair is stronger.

I always won because I have a freaking horse tail sprouting out of my head.

DontSnatch · #5 03-19-2009, 04:20 PM

an awesome read lol use this m&m for breeding.

#6 03-19-2009, 05:47 PM

I tried this with my nuts. I don't recommend it.

n2tattoos.lol · #7 03-19-2009, 06:37 PM

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which one lost?

#8 03-19-2009, 06:41 PM

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The weak one. I feel like Jizzay now.

Randal Graves · #9 03-19-2009, 10:44 PM

I laughed my ass of at that. This is hilarious or I am fucking trashed. Or both.

Mr Handlebars · #10 03-19-2009, 10:57 PM

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They sent you the coupon for plain M&M because they knew you were just ~~palin~~ plain Nuts