Random Thoughts V4.0

Today I was outside for lunch wondering why the people across the street were staring at me. Then I realized I was dancing to the song in my head.

[Beer]

I'm all sore and exhausted today. Lethargic..Too lazy to talk. I'm going to keep to myself and drink beer, smoke weed all day and then broil a thick steak for a late lunch. hopefully I can pass out
And do it all again late night

[cmetz]

trying to decide if i should start drinking or not? had planned on a sober day but it's nice and sunny out

[Pobs]

^^^^ do it faggot!



(nice arse)

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but you wont go outside. youll just sit on your ass and do nothing.

[cmetz]

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since you're gonna twist my arm i'm gonna have to bust out the bong too

[el_victorino]

Jim Norton's List of Lists

The 50 funniest moments in child pornography.
Women over 60 I've raped with a meat cleaver.
The 5 snappiest remarks I've made while videotaping a miscarriage.
My favorite 3 scenes in The Shining to masturbate to.
The 10 lamest excuses my girlfriend ever gave for not eating my ass.
Pet names for my penis that rhyme with cesspool.
My favorite Scriptures to read aloud while teabagging a retarded girl.
The 4 best jobs my dad ever lost due to sodomy convictions.
Dinners my mother made that tasted worse than the diharreah of a cancer patient.
The 6 most racist things I've yelled out a car window.
Women with the worst smelling pussies, in order of ethnicity.
Trinkets I own made out of gorilla hands.
Fat girls I've stood up on New Year's Eve.
The 7 largest objects I've ever hidden in my asshole.
Women under 30 I'd like to slash with a razor.
Freudian slips I've had around burn victims.
The 10 most barbaric things I've done to the foreskin of an immigrant.
Neighborhoods I’ve been chased out of due to Megan’s Law.
The 5 prettiest girlfriends I ever lost by chasing them with doo doo on a stick.
Dreams I've shattered by driving drunk.
Women I've seen in snuff films that reminded me of Nicole Kidman.
Speech impediments I've tolerated during phone sex.
Embarrassing remarks that have been made regarding my genitals warts.
Good-natured anecdotes about the Columbine shootings.
Important political events I've spoiled by loudly defecating in my pants.
People I've made up AIDS rumors about, in order of how badly it ruined their lives.
Black churches I bombed in the south.
20 people I hope die of leukemia.
The 10 most erotic wrestling holds ever put on me by an older gentleman.
The 8 most disfigured people I ever beat up to impress a girl.
Celebrity face I've painted on my scrotum.
Inappropriate times I've screamed, "Cunt!" at my grandmother.
American League shortstops I want to suck off, in order of batting average.
My favorite songs to hum while gay bashing with a hammer claw.
The 5 nicest hineys I ever sniffed by accident.
Altzeimer patients I've bilked out of their life savings by posing as a relative.
The 15 dirtiest things I would do with Bob Dole's right arm.
Rectal itch creams I've received on my birthday, in order of effectiveness.
25 autistics I think are faking it.
Best selling poems I've written about clitoral circumcision.
The 3 foulest fluids ever dripped on me by a prostitute.
Dates I've had that wound up going to trial, in order of how badly they were asking for it.
My 5 most impressive achievements as a N.A.M.B.L.A. member.
Girls I’ve fingered in their sleep.
10 things I’ve done while babysitting that could me misconstrued.
Sexual fantasies I’ve had revolving around pig feces.
Under aged girls I’ve had erection difficulties with.
Girlfriends who’ve caught me 69ing with their fathers.
Parasites I’ve caught nesting in my pubic hair.
The 4 most inconvenient times a pigeon has shit in my mouth.
The 6 most disgusting Port o Johns I’ve fallen into face first.
Relatives I’ve gotten erections with while slow dancing.

[cmetz]

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this is true

[el_victorino]

Punchlines to the 100 most offensive jokes.

1. 1 scoop of ice cream and 2 scoops of dead baby.

2. They both disappear after a hot shower.

3. I don?t ejaculate on an apple before I eat it.

4. A pizza doesn?t scream when you put it in the oven!
5. ?I was giving a blowjob to a Chinese guy, and he threw up on me.?

6. You just KNOW she?ll swallow.

7. Now wash your hands and make me a cheese sandwich!

8. Their hands makes your d?k look bigger!

9. Hit an Ethiopian in the face with a frying pan.

10. Hide his food stamps under his work boots.

11. The one that?s alive at the bottom trying to eat its way out.

12. Nothing!

13. They fell for that trick once already!

14. Acne doesn?t come on a boys face until after he?s thirteen.

15. None, the beer should be open when SHE brings it!

16. Pretty big word for a 12-year-old.

17. A baby in a microwave!

18. Not being retarded

19. Because the look on its face is priceless!

20. F?k her in the a?, then wipe your d?k on her teddy bear.

21. One walked on the moon, and the other raped little boys!

22. Take a dump in her vagina.

23. Your bike.

24. Dress her up like an altar boy.

25. Cancer!

26. The fridge doesn?t fart when you pull your meat out

27. Because a woman who can?t even afford a washing machine will never be able to support you.

28. A pilot, you racist f?k!

29. Santa goes down the chimney.

30. It allows them to stand closer to the kitchen sink.

31. A Doberman in a playground.

32. 1. A ?Thank You? card from the welfare system of her state. 2. A $200 check from ?Crimestoppers?.

33. Because I?m stronger than you.

34. Depends how hard you throw them.

35. Maggots!

36. All the ones who can run, jump or swim have already crossed the border.

37. The little boy in the basement of my house!

38. A frog in a blender.

39. An inter-racial abortion!

40. They only had 2 trucks.

41. An Ethiopian eating a cornflake.

42. Sarah Palin gets nailed EVERY DAY

43. Brake her fingers so she can?t tell anyone.

44. They go back ? but then the Jew sees a penny on the floor, tries to pick it up, and they both die.

45. Two Jews dropped a quarter down a gopher hole.

46. Wonder what the car was doing in the kitchen.

47. One of the gay guys says, ?Ok, who farted!??

48. Can you put me up for the night?

49. ?Out of what??

50. You would too if your name was Frggndorffngg

51. Take your foot off his head!

52. None! What the f?k are they doing out of the kitchen!?

53. He breaks his nose.

54. They don?t f?king listen!

55. AIDS

56. I guess we don?t watch the same movies.

57. Nail one of its hands to the floor.

58. ?Get off me, Daddy! You?re crushing my Marlboros.?

59. The lottery!

60. (Spread arms and look mopey) This much.

61. The 4-year-old in my trunk

62. Sh*t Floats.

63. The dishes, if she knows what?s good for her.

64. A retarded gorilla.

65. Mexicans breed faster and you don?t get so attached to them.

66. ?Yeah, that?s what Dad says too.?

67. His dick tasted like sh-t.

68. Getting the blood off your clown suit.

69. He?s too proud to pick the cotton out of the bottle.

70. Ice cweem!

71. The grip!

72. It only takes one nail to hang up the picture.

73. Give them a basketball.

74. You can?t unload the bowling balls with a pitchfork.

75. Depends on how hard you throw them.

76. Dog sh-t turns white and stop stinking.

77. They both drip when they?re f**ked.

78. Hearing the ribs crack under the pressure.

79. She burned her lips on the tailpipe.

80. God gave him his gas bill.

81. Being raped.

82. He had to sit in the back of the gas chamber.

83. An erection!

84. Rape.

85. ?I have Down?s Syndrome.?

86. Connect the Dots.

87. Crib death.

88. Your Dad?s d?k tastes funny.

89. So he stabs her and steals her purse.

90. ?Hell mister, give me the whole bag and I?ll come in your mouth!?

91. I don?t know, but it sure could pick a lot of cotton.

92. Too much work for the donkey.

93. Once, two Jews grabbed the same penny?

94. Because they couldn?t find three wise men and a virgin.

95. A dead puppy.

96. Because I shot it in the face

97. Someone too lazy to steal.

98. A baby in a casserole.

99. How could anyone stoop so low?

100. A homesick abortion.

[strommsarnac]

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That's called "pissed off while writing/talking" spelling/grammar