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10 Signs You’re ‘That Guy’

Everyone has that one dickhead friend. He’s the one guy who does asinine things throughout his day and is usually referred to in conversation as “oh, that guy.” We hate him, but for some reason he keeps ending up in our clan. Well, what if you’re ‘that guy’ and you are completely clueless to the fact? Don’t be shocked, nine out of ten ‘that guys’ have no idea they are ‘that guy’ at all. How do you know? We’re here to help. Here are the tens signs you’re ‘that guy’ in hopes you can start leading a better life.


10. Last One To Leave The Party – A big part of being ‘that guy’ is the constant cluelessness that surrounds you. You’re having a great time at the party, such a great time there is no reason to leave. Even though the hosts are cleaning up around you and yawning uncontrollably. Trust them when they say there is no more beer left, get in your Hummer and go home. Time to move on to your next fun part of the evening which is not killing anyone on your drunken rampage back to your bachelor pad.

9. Revealing Plot Lines To Movies No One Else Has Seen – If you were the guy walking out of the theater loudly exclaiming “Oh my God, Bruce Willis was dead!” then there is no doubt you are this guy. If you claim you figured it out ten minutes into the movie, you’re the king of all ‘that guys’.

8. Talking To the Guy Peeing Next To You – Alone time is really alone time. People just need to concentrate on the task at hand, or in hand. No one wants to hear about the band or the hot girls in the bar when they’re just concentrating on not getting urine on their pants. This one we feel really strongly about. Please stop it now. We feel really dirty when this happens, and not in a good way.

7. Stands Up The Whole Concert – We get it. You love Creed. You love them so much you got tickets as close as you can get. But by you standing up the entire concert is leaving a pyramid of people behind you now forced to do the same thing in order to see over your huge melon.

6. Waits To Read The Menu Until You’re Ordering – You’ve been in line for five minutes. You couldn’t of utilized that time to look at the fast food menu? Now we have to listen to your “uhhhhhhhhhhh” while you’re waving your head like you’re at Wimbledon?

5. Follows Up Everything You Say With “Know What I Would Do?” – Sometimes people just want to rant. Whether it’s about their job, their girlfriend or even their life. It helps to get things off their chest and to move on. You know what the last thing a person needs at that time? Your crappy two cents. Go buy yourself a breath mint instead.

4. Keep Quoting Dane Cook Jokes – Stop! Not kidding, stop!

3. Hitting On Your Friend’s Girlfriends - Going through life thinking everyone wants to sleep with you is just sad and pathetic. It’s even sadder when you need to reassure yourself by hitting on all your friend’s girlfriends or wives. Girls in a relationship can spot a tool a mile away, stick with women in bars and the ones you find on Match.com. You know, the ones who haven’t got to know you yet.

2. Interrupts Someone’s Story To Tell A Similar Story Starring Himself - Wow, this is painful for you. Someone is telling a story about the last time they were at Dodger’s Stadium and sat next to a loud fan. You’re not even listening to it because in your head is a BETTER story about the same thing. OMG, you can’t contain yourself… you HAVE to get yours out… you’re going to explode. Just keep it in until…. wait. You can’t.

“You think THAT’S funny, listen to this….”

1. Talks About How Everything Sucks – It doesn’t matter what has been done, you can do it better. Space travel, you could have done it better. World leadership, you could have done it better. This article, you could have done it better. Right now you’re getting ready to leave a comment on how bad this article sucked. But take a look at yourself and think how many times you’ve already typed “sucks” this week, if it’s more than two… you’re ‘that guy.” By the way, that doesn’t mean this article DIDN’T suck, we’re just encouraging you to look at your inner dickhead.

[n2tattoos.lol]

by Stacy Conradt

Your mission, if you choose to accept it, is to seek out covert items at fast food chains around the country. Be warned, this mission includes very real dangers such as hardening arteries and skyrocketing cholesterol. We?ve compiled a list to get you started.

1. In-N-Out Burger?s ?secret menu? isn?t so secret these days ? in fact, they?ve posted it on their website. But in case you?re not in the habit of surfing fast food sites, here?s the skinny on the rather un-skinny items: ordering something ?Animal Style? at In-N-Out means you?re going to get it with lettuce, tomato, a mustard-cooked beef patty, pickles, extra spread (it?s sort of Thousand-Islandy) and grilled onions. You can even get your fries Animal Style. ?Protein Style? is a burger wrapped in a lettuce leaf instead of a bun. A Grilled Cheese is two slices of American cheese, lettuce, tomato and spread on a bun (grilled onions if you so choose). And you can get just about any combo of meat and cheese that you want if you order it like you?re ordering lumber: 3?3 gets you three beef patties and three slices of cheese, 4?4 gets you four of each, and so on. It doesn?t stop there ? one gluttonous patron requested a 100?100 at an Las Vegas store a couple of years ago. One item not listed on the website secret menu: the Flying Dutchman, which is two slices of cheese sandwiched between two patties, hold the bun.

2. If you?re at Starbucks and in need of just a little caffeine, don?t worry ? there?s a tiny option for you. It?s the Short size, and they don?t advertise it. It?s like a little baby cup of coffee. It also comes in handy when you?re scrounging for change and don?t have enough for a tall? not that that has ever happened to me.

3. It?s a good thing we don?t have Jamba Juice here in Iowa, because I would be all over candy-based smoothies. Because it?s considered a health-food chain, Jamba Juice doesn?t officially list these on their in-store menus, but Mighty Foods assures us that the secret flavors exist. The ones they confirmed with the company?s headquarters include Strawberry Shortcake, White Gummy Bear, PB&J, Various flavors of Starbursts, Fruity Pebbles, Push-Up Pops, and Skittles. Other tantalizing flavors that are rumored to exist: Chocolate Gummi Bear, Apple Pie, Sourpatch Kid, Tootsie Roll, Chocolate-covered strawberries, and Now and Later.

4. Chipotle has a whole secret menu that is limited only by your imagination ? they have a store policy that says that if they have the item available, they will make it for you. Things that have been tested include nachos, quesadillas, taco salads and single tacos. Some stores are testing out quesadillas as a regular menu item, however, so maybe someday soon you won?t need a super-secret handshake to order one.

5. If you?re at Wendy?s and you?re really hungry ? like, three-patties-just-won?t-cut-it hungry ? go ahead and order the Grand Slam, which is four patties stacked on a bun. It?s also known as the Meat Cube. Gross.

6. Several places, including McDonald?s and In-N-Out, will serve you the Neapolitan milkshake. It?s just what it sounds like ? chocolate, vanilla and strawberry shakes layered in a cup. This gives me a great idea? I wonder if they would make me a mint-chocolate shake when they have the Shamrock Shake in March. Hmmm. (Picture from Flickr user Mrjoro.)

7. Feeling a little health-conscious at Popeye?s? If you are, you really should have gone somewhere else. But there?s a little hope for you ? ordering ?naked chicken? will get you breading-free poultry. The word is that this is on the menu at some Popeye?s, but not all of them, although it is an option at all of them.

8. Like Chipotle, Taco Bell will make you just about anything within reason as long as they have the ingredients for it. Since most of the food at Taco Bell is made out of the same basic items, that means you can probably ask for most discontinued items and get them. One ?secret,? though, is that they have a not-advertised green chili sauce at most locations, and apparently it?s excellent.

9. Some Subways will still make you the popular pizza sub from the ?90s. Once the chain decided to make their focus healthy eating, the pizza sub disappeared from the menu in most places (the word is that Canadian and Mexican Subways still offer them on a regular basis). But if you ask, lots of places will still make it for you. Be warned, though ? Jared would not approve of the nine slices of pepperoni and copious amounts of cheese slathered in marinara sauce.

10. This one might be my favorite. At Fatburger, you can order a Hypocrite ? a veggie burger topped with crispy strips of bacon.

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[n2tattoos.lol]

by Ethan Trex

News outlets reported this week that legendary broadcaster Walter Cronkite never amended his will to include Joanna Simon, who had been his girlfriend for the last four years of his life. Cronkite?s daughter said the newsman never planned to leave Simon, a former opera singer and older sister of Carly Simon, any sort of inheritance, but either way, wills are back in the news. What better time to look at some of the most bizarre codicils ever written?

1. Leona Helmsley
The notoriously egomaniacal hotelier famously left $12 million to her Maltese, Trouble, while entirely cutting two of her grandchildren out of her will (for ?reasons which are known to them?). Her other two grandchildren didn?t get off the hook entirely; their inheritances were contingent upon their regularly making visits to their father?s grave, where they would have to sign a registration book to prove they had shown up.

2. Carlotta Liebenstein
Don?t think Trouble Helmsley is the richest pooch on the block. When Liebenstein, a German countess, died in 1991, she left her entire $80-million estate to her dog, Gunther.

3. Jeremy Bentham
The 18th-and-19th-century social philosopher left the world a rather odd bequest in his will: his preserved, clothed body. No one?s quite sure what Bentham was getting at with this ?gift,? but since his 1832 death his clothed skeleton ? topped with a wax model of Bentham?s head ? has been preserved in a wood-and-glass cabinet known as the Auto-Icon. It now resides at University College London and is occasionally moved so Bentham can ?attend? meetings. Bentham didn?t want for the Auto-Icon to feature a wax head; he actually carried around the glass eyes he wanted used in his preserved face for years before his death. However, the preservation process distorted his face, so the wax replica had to stand in. For many years Bentham?s real head sat between his feet in the Auto-Icon, but it was such a target for pranksters that it eventually had to be locked away.

4. Sandra West
West, a California socialite and oil heiress, died when she was just 37 years old and requested that she be buried ?in my lace nightgown ? in my Ferrari, with the seat slanted comfortably.? Her family buried West in her powder-blue 1964 Ferrari 330 America, then covered the car with cement to deter car thieves. Good call: nice examples of that year?s 330 America can now sell for well over $300,000.

5. Luis Carlos de Noronha Cabral da Camara
The Portuguese aristocrat was a childless bachelor, so he divvied up his estate by picking 70 names at random from the Lisbon phone book. When he died 13 years later, his attorneys notified the unsuspecting beneficiaries that they stood to inherit their benefactor?s cash, his home, and his car.

6. Heinrich Heine
The German poet left his entire fortune to his wife, but with one catch: she had to remarry ?because then there will be at least one man to regret my death.?

7. S. Sanborn
Sanborn, a 19th-century New England hatter, left a rather macabre bequest to a friend?a pair of drums made from Sanborn?s skin. The friend received further instructions to go to Bunker Hill each June 17th and play ?Yankee Doodle Dandy? on the drums.

8. T.M. Zink
Zink, an Iowa lawyer who died in 1930, must have had some pretty bad experiences with women. When he died he left his daughter a measly five bucks, and his wife got nothing. He stipulated that the rest of his $100,000 estate be put in a trust for 75 years, then used to create the Zink Womanless Library. The library would have no feminine decorations, no books or magazine articles by female authors, and was required to have ?No Women Admitted? carved into the stone over the entrance.

9. Charles Millar
The Canadian attorney died a childless bachelor, but he left $568,106 to the mother who gave birth to the most children in Toronto in the 10 years following his 1928 death. This bequest prompted what Canadians called ?the Baby Derby? as mothers raced to win the fortune. Finally, in 1938 four winners split the prize after giving birth to nine babies apiece.10. Robert Louis Stevenson
When the celebrated author died, he left his friend Annie H. Ide his birthday. Ide had previously complained to Stevenson about the inconvenience of being born on Christmas, so the writer left her November 13th as a new birthday provided she take care of it with ?moderation and humanity? the said birthday not being so young as it once was.?

11. Ruth Lilly
This one's not like the others on this list, since Ruth Lilly is still alive. Lilly, a pharmaceutical heiress and aspiring poet, spent much of her life trying to convince editors to publish her verses. Although she didn?t get any bylines, the editor of Poetry magazine once sent Lilly a handwritten rejection note, and that was enough for her. In 2002, she pledged $100 million worth of stock to the foundation that publishes the journal.

12. Henry Budd
It?s not clear how he originally made 200,000 pounds, but when Henry Budd died in 1862, he left his substantial fortune to his two sons on the condition that neither sullied his lip with a mustache.

13. Mark Gruenwald
When longtime comic book writer and editor Mark Gruenwald died in 1996, fans of the Marvel Comics icon probably thought they?d seen the last of the former Captain America writer. Gruenwald had other ideas, though. He requested that his ashes be mixed into the ink used to print the first trade paperback anthology of Squadron Supreme, another one of his landmark creations.

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[Magnusrex]

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so this morning i was listening to the Bob and Tom Show, and they started talking about the most masculine, macho, tough guy in hollywood, and can you believe that that spaztic OCD nutball Tom's first pick for a Masculine, Macho, Tough guy was George Clooney. WTF! i knew Griswald was gay but come on.
then it got me thinking, most of the guys on the above list are out of action so who is the current still kicking ass badass of the 21st century,
my vote
1. Bruce Willis/John McClane

[ThatHaole]

^^^ I need a calculator to add up all the fail in that post

[Fever]

^^^ ^^^^ DING DING DING DING

the only thing missing was a little Nickelback in there .


FUCKIN' IDIOT

[MrGoutHimself]

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Top 10 ways that the n00b Jim Morrison wannabe sucks at teh internetz:

10. Image host violations, a lot of them.

9. Image posting failures, a lot of them.

8. Dredging up threads that are 2+ years since the last post.

7. Combining 10 and 9.

6. Combining 10 and 8.

5. Combining 8 and 9.

4. Combining all 3.

3. He's a fucking n00b and hasn't taken the time to read the rules.

2. I don't even think his mother fucking likes him.

1. I thought Pred was supposed to show this cat around?

-SRD

Me like boobs.

[Magnusrex]

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[Soze]

top ten movies of 2009


10.District 9
9.The Road
8.The Informant
7.Adventureland
6.Star Trek
5.Up
4.The Hangover
3.Inglourious Basterds
2.Up in the Air
1.The Hurt Locker

and before anyone calls me out on it, i still havent seen Avatar. any other good movies not on the list that i should see? any movie on my list that makes me look like a jackass? feel free to let me know