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I personally don't like hearing anyone, even a waitress calling a man that. I think it's meant to be flattery but it's just as demeaning as a man saying it to a woman.
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Jo, I feel kinda responsible for bringing this back up. Sorry. I just wanted to let you know I definitely agree with you.
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I absolutely hate being called "ma'am". I haven't been called a lady (gee cuz maybe I'm not??), or had anyone use "lady" in a rude way yet. And while I've heard people use "woman" directed at me, their purpose was to piss me off so I made sure it didn't. Cuz I'm evil like that. BC's family, the wives/girlfriends are "my ol lady" or "my ol woman" and the crazy uncle who seriously tries to make me mad or embarrass me refers to me that way all the time just to see if he can push buttons. So I ignore that.
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I believe in fair play. If I am called hun, sugar, sweetheart or something else to that effect, I shoot back with the baby, sweety, toots..etc. Nothing derogatory meant by it, but I deal with a lot of senior citizens and servers and I hear it all the time. It has become second nature.
Oh and sorry bout the wheelchair thing. I am sensitive since I had a bitch laugh at me for scraping my hands on racks in the store she works in. She asked how I was, then laughed when I complained about hurting my hands. I was looking at her, answering her and she thought I was talking to BC. Then the bitch told me God didn't like me either. Did I mention she worked in a Christian T-shirt/book store? Yeah! Good witness there.
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Normally I do, but the restaurant I manage is a bar-b-q joint so the feel is very rustic. Personally I cringe when a server calls me honey or baby. I try to be respectful of the elderly but sometimes they are the worst at it.