living vicariously...

[Jules Winfield]

Once there was this friend of mine who had this growth on his junk and fuck it I'm out, too....


Lock'er Up....

[trondi]

Don't Lock it yet.
I got some shit.
I fixing to go out but when I get back I will Share some.

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go out = find a story in the interweb

[Crazy808]

umm... I got naked once?

Na, fuck it, I'm out

[Shasturbator]

alright...since my name was mentioned, can't top that story, but I can give you ONE of mine...

I was the manager of a "store" at 20 years old, I traveled about 50 miles to work, so when I worked nights, I packed a cooler for the ride home. One night, some of my employees (18 to 20yr old) were wanting to get together and party, I'm game, so I go to my dept. manager (female, reports to me) and ask her to drive to the next county to get us some more beer...

for those who don't know, in KY there are "wet counties" where alcohol is sold and "dry counties" where it is illegal to sell alcohol, we were in a dry county

she leaves the store and we follow in my car, I decide to let one of the boys to drive my car cause I was going to drink, I hop in the back and start pounding back beers, car starts acting up and I'm telling the kid he's not driving right, so another one of the guys takes the wheel...he can't get the car to run, so I say fuck it, let me drive. I try driving the car, but holding it on the floor only get 10 to 15 mph..I decide to turn around and go back into town and just wait for her to get back with the beer...we are about 30 miles out, and I'm drinking driving 10mph, I hit city limits and a cop pulls out right behind me, drive 20ft and another behind him, first place to pull over is the parking lot of the store I managed, I pulled in there and there were 2 county cops...I stopped the car, popped the hood, jumped out and opened the hood and took the breather off, lucky the cops approached opposite side of the car where my not yet drinking friends were, told the cop I was having problems with my car, smell of gas helped a lot, (turns out the float in the carb was stuck) but the guys told me later it was funny, cop shined his light on my face, I looked at the engine, when he shined his light on the engine, I would look up at him...

how it ends it is what both pisses me off and makes me laugh...

I told the cop, I need to leave my car here overnight, do you care if I go and ask them in the "store" if it's OK? The cop agreed and I get halfway to the door when I hear one of the dumbasses yell "why do you have to ask, you're the boss" ...I kept walking and stayed in the backroom until all the cops left....

that's the one I got away with, got shorter ones for when I got caught...

[trondi]

1988 or so I had just moved back to Cleveland Oh. It was near the end of summer. I was going to live at my buddies place. He lived with some dead heads that had little weed harvest about to happen in the attic, and they also made Acid.
My buddy had been living a double life. He was in the R.O.T.C and 3 days a week during that summer he worked at the Pentagon in D.C. On the weekends he was flying out to dead shows and selling weed and acid.
Well, My buddy had found a "rich kid" who wanted to buy a 10 lot, or 10 sheets of acid and wanted to pay 3000 bucks for it.
That right there is crazy, If it was me I would have said no but, My buddy was blinded by the dollar signs, and had to do the deal.
So the plan was that he was going to drop me off at my other buddies place and he would meet us there later.
As we were getting closer to my destination I noticed my friend wasn't looking so good, and I started feeling sorry for him so I offered to go with him.
He was relived that I was going with he was really nervous.

The place the deal was going down was way in the country near another friends house. We turned off the major road on to a dirt road where in the distance we could see a white late 70's model Cordoba. It was old and beat up, and I thought to myself, I thought this guy was supposed to be rich.
So we pulled over about a hundred yards away from the Cordoba.
My buddy's friend was trying to wave us over to the Cordoba, but I said to my buddy, " Fuck that dude, you make him come here." So My buddy waves his friend over to us.
His friend walks over to us and says." He doesn't trust me with the money, he wants the stuff first." So my buddy hands over the acid to his friend and I have this feeling that were fucked so I say to my buddy, " Lets get the fuck out of here right now!" So he does as I say.
We go out to the major road and we are cruising and my buddy starts freaking out about the money. I say " your friend lives on that road dude, and it is in the middle of nowhere. If the deal is a good one he will be at home. If is wasn't he wont be. so lets get to a pay phone and call him". We go down the road about another mile and he just has to go back so we turn around. Fuck!
As we get close the road we just dropped 1000 hit of acid on, a cop car comes rolling out. So I say " Dude there is no way that is just a coincidence". So we turn around again. Damn!! We get about 2 miles up this major road we are on and all of the sudden I see the white Cordoba on a side road and as we pass it pulls out behind us. We go up this country road for about five minutes or so. we get to a major 4 way intersection with a gas station at the corner on our side.
We get stuck at the light, and as we are sitting there I look over at my buddy and his eyes are bugging out and he stammering "tha tha tha There getting out of the car!!" I look in the side view mirror and I see a dude running down the street at us with a gun out in one hand and a badge in his other hand and he is yelling something but I can't tell what, and suddenly my buddy hits the gas and cuts through the gas station, and we get about half a block up from the gas station Before I convince my buddy to pull over.
So we pull into a parking lot of a bank and as soon as we stop I just put my hands in the air.( I had been arrested once before, I knew what to do) Within seconds about 10 cop cars, marked and under cover, swarm into the parking lot. and all I know is I am fucked I haven't even been I Cleveland but 2 days and now I am going to prison. FUCK!!
My buddy is freaking out trying to get his seat belt off, I was just sitting there with my hands in the air.
The cops stick a shotgun in the window at my buddys head and yell "FREEZE OR YOUR DEAD!!" He stopped moving. The cops were very nice to me, which I was finding sort of weird. When they put the cuffs on me they asked if they were to tight and asked if I was comfortable. ??
I am sitting in the back of that cop car and felling completely fucked and then they put my buddy in the car with me.?? He is crying and saying how sorry he is. I am so pissed I just looked at him and said, " I don't give a fuck what happens you make sure I am out of here tonight!" About then the cops realized that they had made a mistake putting my buddy in the same car as me.
They take us to the local police station. They bring my buddy to the holding area which has a big pink door that says "Pink Clink" on it. They take me to the lunch room where they have a cop sit with me.
The two under cover guys who had been in the Cordoba stood in the door way of the lunch room and talked about me not knowing it was me sitting there.
They said " They say that the passenger guy had nothing to do with it and the other guy doesn't know who he is, so bust him for resisting arrest or vagrancy or something."
I am sitting there and I say to the cop who is baby sitting me " Hey, they can't do that to me, That is me there talking about"
Any way It is probably 2 am by the time I get interrogated. I am tired and scared and the undercover guys who were talking about me come into the room and one of the guys is for a split second taken aback. I saw his eyes widen a bit in recognition.
So they start to ask me questions about the house that my buddy lived at.
Who lives there, had I seen what was in the attic....
Well I told them everything I knew, which was nothing, and I was glad I hadn't seen the attic.
Turns out they had been watching the house for 3 months, They knew I had nothing to do with anything and were trying desperately to get a warrant to bust the weed harvest in the attic.
They let me go and even gave me a ride to my other buddies house.
When the cop dropped me off he told me not to call or tell anyone what had happened or I would be in trouble.
It was now 4 am. I woke my other buddy up and told him what had happened.
He says "Man we gotta warn the guys at the house". I am scarred shitless, I say "No way dude, I don't want to get busted". He fucking insists and of course we need to make the call from a pay phone.
So we are standing on Mayfield road at 4 am and the only people out at all and I am shitting. We get to the pay phone and of course it wasn't close, and make the call.
My buddy tells them that there roommate got busted and they had better get out of there. Dang...
So next day my buddy and I go to the drug house because all of my stuff is there and we run into one of the guys who lives there, and he says" We had to trash everything, we were a week away from a 100,000 dollar harvest".
Dang!!
Well My buddy ended up getting 3 to 15 in a minimum security prison, so went his career in the army.
And I was free and clear. The gods were on my side that day.

[trondi]

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Awww Man.
How did you know?

[Marie-Eve Martinez]

I dunno if these are "crazy" but a list of my accomplishments is as follows:

-Getting arrested for painting graffiti late at night, getting busted, held for bail in custody for two nights and eventually put on probation. The guards laughed because I killed time by making origami flowers out of the shitty jail toilet paper

-Burning down a field from setting off fireworks. With My Mom.

-Getting arrested while on said probation well attending an outdoor graffiti expo and being hauled away in front of 300 people including local news reporters. And being held for bail AGAIN until my best friend Anna bailed me out.

-Watching a friend jump out of a second story window during a house party while everyone, including me, was completely high on acid. Good times.

-Driving a friends car because he was too drunk to drive with no license in another country, getting pulled over by the cops and talking my way out of the whole thing somehow (probably because I am white and a girl)

The list goes on....

[Thomas]

This is a my most recent story.

These 2 girl friends came to stay with me over Memorial day weekend. \/ \/ \/



So we are done drinking it's around 3am so we decide to go eat at a badass 24hr restaurant. We are waiting for our table outside when 2 tall skinny blonde chicks walk out. My friend goes "oh look, Paris 1 and Paris 2". So those girls walk off and then they yell "you're just jealous". So both my friends run over there and i'm thinking oh shit it's gonna be a fight cuz my friend whoops ass. In fact there's another story about her headbutting a chick but i'll save that for later.

Anyways they are running over there and i yell "your parole officer said no more fights! If you beat anybody else up you're going back to jail". She's not on parole but I was trying to diffuse the situation and scare the other girls enough to not want to fight. BUT then my friend gets over there and puts her head up the girl's dress as a joke and says "i don't want to fight i want her to sit on my face!" Well everybody cracks up and I am relieved...so everybody hugs and goes their separate ways...

not an amazing story but funny nonetheless

[MillyMc]

I once almost walked into Kerri Strug in an airport. Read em and weap.