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  #1941  
Old 07-02-2008, 02:36 AM
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ms. cellany ms. cellany is offline
you play Guitar Hero naked... I play REAL guitar topless!
  

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ms. cellany is just really nicems. cellany is just really nicems. cellany is just really nicems. cellany is just really nicems. cellany is just really nicems. cellany is just really nicems. cellany is just really nice
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I don't have a girlfriend but I do know a woman who'd be mad at me for saying that!

My manager saw me drinking backstage and he said "Mitch, don't use liquor as a crutch." I can't use liquor as a crutch, because a crutch helps me walk. Liquor severely fucks up the way I walk. It ain't like a crutch, it's like a step I didn't see.

I'm a heroine addict. I need to have sex with women who have saved someone's life.

... Okay, I'll stop, but I could go on and on... I think I know almost all of his jokes.
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  #1942  
Old 07-02-2008, 02:40 AM
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Glen Quagmire Glen Quagmire is offline
2 smileys, 1 cup
  

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Glen Quagmire laughs at your paltry REP totalGlen Quagmire laughs at your paltry REP totalGlen Quagmire laughs at your paltry REP total
Glen Quagmire laughs at your paltry REP totalGlen Quagmire laughs at your paltry REP totalGlen Quagmire laughs at your paltry REP totalGlen Quagmire laughs at your paltry REP total
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Mitch's entire repertoire would fit perfectly in any "random thoughts" collection !
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Oh, and Quagmire, you're the fucking man!!
  #1943  
Old 07-02-2008, 12:09 PM
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strommsarnac strommsarnac is offline
i know more than you and i knew it before you did
  

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Got back from the ophthalmologist about 10:30 and my vision is still fraked up. I'm sitting in my basement office with the only light being that coming in through the glassblock window and still have to wear my sunglasses to keep my eyes from hurting.
  #1944  
Old 07-02-2008, 08:07 PM
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Randal Graves Randal Graves is offline
There's nothing more exhilarating than pointing out the shortcomings of others, is there?
  

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Whoever recommended Bud Light Lime owes me two bucks. It's like they took Corona and decided to add the lime for you while removing the Corona flavor. This shit is for pussies who are too lazy to squeeze a lime into good beer.
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  #1945  
Old 07-02-2008, 08:14 PM
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effjay effjay is offline
Fundamentals are a crutch for the talentless
  

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My favorite Mitch quotes:
If you drink O'Douls, you don't drink. But if you drink 20 O'Douls in a half hour, then you're a fucking non-alcoholic. Non-alcoholism is a problem too. And there are symptoms, like when you fall down, does it always hurt?

Last week I helped my friend stay put. It's a lot easier'n helpin' 'em move. I just went over to his house and made sure that he did not start to load shit into a truck.

I like rice. Rice is great when you're hungry and you want 2,000 of something.

If carrots got you drunk, rabbits would be fucked up.
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There is absolutely nothing wrong with getting highly aroused by bacon goodness.
  #1946  
Old 07-02-2008, 08:27 PM
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Randal Graves Randal Graves is offline
There's nothing more exhilarating than pointing out the shortcomings of others, is there?
  

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I had to Google "Mitch Hedberg" to find out who the hell this Mitch guy is. I don't know any of his work, but he OD'd so he's OK in my book. I want to try heroin so fucking bad.
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  #1947  
Old 07-02-2008, 08:38 PM
Sam_Adams Sam_Adams is offline
the burning and itching has stopped
  

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It's not worth it, nor all that fun...

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  #1948  
Old 07-02-2008, 08:42 PM
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goonarms goonarms is offline
Curiosity killed the cat, but for a while I was a suspect.
  

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Hedberg was the man of making the most obvious things funny as hell
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Go back to waxing your mini, then start on your car.
  #1949  
Old 07-02-2008, 09:10 PM
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Randal Graves Randal Graves is offline
There's nothing more exhilarating than pointing out the shortcomings of others, is there?
  

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but Trainspotting makes it seem so glorious.
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  #1950  
Old 07-02-2008, 09:22 PM
Sam_Adams Sam_Adams is offline
the burning and itching has stopped
  

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LMFAO!! Point taken
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