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  #15131  
Old 10-24-2008, 12:21 PM
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Tablefor5 Tablefor5 is offline
A man in love is incomplete until he has married. Then he's finished.
 

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hahahahahaha...u boned a fatty....
  #15132  
Old 10-24-2008, 12:22 PM
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amylikewhoa amylikewhoa is offline
AmylikeWHOA! That's what he said
 
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haha you can have sex and not be naked
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  #15133  
Old 10-24-2008, 12:22 PM
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Carlos Spicy Wiener Carlos Spicy Wiener is offline
Shoot first, ask questions NEVER!
 

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Do you keep a huge supply of flour near your bed?
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IT'S CODE FOR LET ME STICK MY DICK IN YOUR ASS!
  #15134  
Old 10-24-2008, 12:23 PM
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Tablefor5 Tablefor5 is offline
A man in love is incomplete until he has married. Then he's finished.
 

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hahahahaha

I just noticed my Avitar...
  #15135  
Old 10-24-2008, 12:30 PM
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SirLongFoot SirLongFoot is offline
I am Cricker... You are MAMON!
 

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she at least has to pull her pants down a little...
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SLF is very territorial and wont let anyone else in without peeing on em to mark his territory or attempting to hump them.
  #15136  
Old 10-24-2008, 12:32 PM
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staroffurby staroffurby is offline
i have seen a vagina, and it was expensive
  

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No he just slaps her and rides the wave!
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  #15137  
Old 10-24-2008, 12:36 PM
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Carlos Spicy Wiener Carlos Spicy Wiener is offline
Shoot first, ask questions NEVER!
 

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Default How To Hook Up With A Fat Chick
STEP 1: Mental Preparation- The first, most important step is realizing what you're about to do: Engage in dirty, dirty sex with an unattractive chick of at best mild acquaintance (NO friends; they know where to find you). It's not going to be pretty, and chances are pretty good that you will not, ahem, finish. So why would you ever put yourself through such torture?
STEP 2: Be Pretty- I know, I know, why do they deserve to get a guy who put in the 10 minutes to put on slacks and a collared shirt? They don't. That's the whole point. You're a bonus! You've got to sweep her off her feet, or at least get a severe hernia trying. Just do your hair or something. Whatever. Don't worry too much about the clothes, but slobbing it only brings the night to an early (more merciful, yes) end.
STEP 3: On the Hunt- You're at the bar; now go get her. Don't get the one who's so fat her face looks pinched and she's all Chinese in the eyes; they're too angry to be slutty. Get the one who's in the clothes that are about 4 sizes too tight and who has an okay face, so after 6 beers you'll start telling yourself things like, "If she just lost like 80 pounds, she'd be hot."¯ Let your wingmen have the ladies"”you're having pork for dinner tonight.
STEP 4: Say the Right Things- Remember: Hollywood chicks are too skinny; real chicks have curves; and whatever she's planning to do in life is really cool. But be smooth about it. Even fat chicks can smell wuss from a mile away, and the only thing worse than nailing a fattie is getting turned down by one. You should be drunk by now. Drink faster.
STEP 5: Closing Time- Go somewhere to eat after the bar. Trust me, do it. Drunk fat chicks love food more than white people love CSI. Then, decide where you're going next. If it's her apartment, you're set. Your apartment ought to be fine, but it makes Step 7 harder. Her dorm room? No sex, unless her roommates aren't coming back. Avoid your dorm room at all costs, or prepare to be shamed. Mercilessly
STEP 6: Seal the Deal- Good luck, shooter. You may get the screwing of a lifetime. Right. And the Insane Clown Posse may go triple platinum. Let's be realistic. It's like wrestling a hairless Saint Bernard, right down to the slobber flying everywhere. If you don't want a crushed hip, don't let her be on top. And for fuck's sakes, WRAP UP. The last thing you'll ever want to do is get the herp from scraping the bottom of the barrel. That's just tragic.
STEP 7: Run, She Won't Catch You- If you're at her place, leave ASAP. You, uh, had to be somewhere. However, if you're at your place, you're going to have to cuddle until she leaves; there's nothing worse than an angry lowland gorilla with free reign in your dorm/living room. She may eat your X-Box. As soon as she leaves on her own accord, begin avoiding her. If she doesn't have your number, no problems. If she does, you deserve it. You deserve the desperation hurtling your way like a big, sweaty meteorite with bad highlights. If you share a class with her, drop it. Holding hands in public with your conquest is like showing up to a job interview with shit all over your face.
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  #15138  
Old 10-24-2008, 12:39 PM
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amylikewhoa amylikewhoa is offline
AmylikeWHOA! That's what he said
 
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i normally dont get naked when i have sex
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  #15139  
Old 10-24-2008, 12:40 PM
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Tablefor5 Tablefor5 is offline
A man in love is incomplete until he has married. Then he's finished.
 

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I just farted!!!! WOO HOO!!!!!
  #15140  
Old 10-24-2008, 12:43 PM
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SirLongFoot SirLongFoot is offline
I am Cricker... You are MAMON!
 

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Well you suck then, but you at least have to expose some of yourself...
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Quote:
Originally Posted by jo_dile
SLF is very territorial and wont let anyone else in without peeing on em to mark his territory or attempting to hump them.
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