Vote for the FINAL winner of the "Jesus With You" Contest - Page 2 - The Drunken stepFORUM - A place to discuss your worthless opinions

#11 07-13-2010, 04:09 PM

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who fucking cares what you like? vote for it and stfu. but you will blow me first.

ThatHaole · #12 07-15-2010, 01:54 PM

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But he poops from there

Didn't this contest end? Or are we waiting for Satan to go on an extended ~~sabbatical~~ drunk and then post the winner??

MrGoutHimself · #13 07-15-2010, 08:17 PM

Tie game! Nice... there's no run off right?

The Godfather · #14 07-15-2010, 08:31 PM

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16 Then two women who had become mothers out of wedlock came and stood before the king.

17 And one woman said, O my lord, I and this woman dwell in one house; and I was delivered of a child with her in the house.

18 And the third day after I was delivered, this woman also was delivered. And we were together; no stranger was with us, just we two in the house.

19 And this woman's child died in the night because she lay on him.

20 And she arose at midnight and took my son from beside me while your handmaid slept and laid him in her bosom and laid her dead child in my bosom.

21 And when I rose to nurse my child, behold, he was dead. But when I had considered him in the morning, behold, it was not the son I had borne.

22 But the other woman said, No! But the living one is my son, and the dead one is your son! And this one said, No! But the dead son is your son, and the living is my son. Thus they spoke before the king.

23 The king said, One says, This is my son that is alive and yours is the dead one. The other woman says, No! But your son is the dead one and mine is the living one.

24 And the king said, Bring me a sword. And they brought a sword to the king.

25 And the king said, Divide the living child in two and give half to the one and half to the other.

MrGoutHimself · #15 07-15-2010, 08:49 PM

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Thanks there Solomon. Heh. My favorite is this one:
Deuteronomy 22:13-21
13If any man take a wife, and go in unto her, and hate her,

14And give occasions of speech against her, and bring up an evil name upon her, and say, I took this woman, and when I came to her, I found her not a maid:

15Then shall the father of the damsel, and her mother, take and bring forth the tokens of the damsel's virginity unto the elders of the city in the gate:

16And the damsel's father shall say unto the elders, I gave my daughter unto this man to wife, and he hateth her;

17And, lo, he hath given occasions of speech against her, saying, I found not thy daughter a maid; and yet these are the tokens of my daughter's virginity. And they shall spread the cloth before the elders of the city.

18And the elders of that city shall take that man and chastise him;

19And they shall amerce him in an hundred shekels of silver, and give them unto the father of the damsel, because he hath brought up an evil name upon a virgin of Israel: and she shall be his wife; he may not put her away all his days.

20But if this thing be true, and the tokens of virginity be not found for the damsel:

21Then they shall bring out the damsel to the door of her father's house, and the men of her city shall stone her with stones that she die: because she hath wrought folly in Israel, to play the whore in her father's house: so shalt thou put evil away from among you.

Stone the bitch, yeah! Get her a body bag.

ThatHaole · #16 07-16-2010, 12:45 AM

I guess SRD loses. He has short hair, and according to the bible, God hates exposed domes

2 Kings 2:23-24

Then he went up from there to Bethel; and as he was going up the road, some youths came from the city and mocked him, and said to him, "Go up, you baldhead! Go up, you baldhead!" So he turned around and looked at them, and pronounced a curse on them in the name of the LORD. And two female bears came out of the woods and mauled forty-two of the youths.

MrGoutHimself · #17 07-16-2010, 08:51 AM

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So all I take from this is that baldheaded dudes shouldn't be going down, and the number 42 is almost as big in this theoretical bible as in Douglas Adams actual bible...?

And besides, I'm not completely bald, I have a lot of 1" hair on my head, just not all of it where it belongs.

#18 07-16-2010, 08:56 AM

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He also says not to eat or touch pork

"And the swine, because it divideth the hoof, yet cheweth not the cud, it is unclean unto you. Ye shall not eat of their flesh, nor touch their dead carcass."
[Deuteronomy 14:8]

and for cmen, He also says not to suck your brothers dick.

ThatHaole · #19 07-16-2010, 11:58 AM

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That only applied to the unclean pork. Some of it was lost in translation from Aramaic to Hebrew to Latin to English. Fucking translators, how do they work?

The part about your brother's dick is still true. Sorry Cmen.

#20 07-16-2010, 12:03 PM

Goddamn.... now we have to have one more poll for the run off.