Funny or Clever Phrases

[skywalker]

Post your funny or clever phrases here. It can be ones you use on a regular basis, have heard once, or ones you've made up if you are that clever.

Because I am admittedly lame I like to use these type of phrases in my every day speak. I was hoping this thread would teach me some new ones.
I don't have a lot of faith in the success of this thread. It has about as much of a chance as a one legged man in an ass kicking contest. (see what I did there)

I will give a few more examples:

-Tougher than Chinese arithmetic
ex:The steak is over cooked. It is tougher than Chinese arithmetic.

-Off like a prom dress

-Out like a fat kid in dodge ball

-Madder than a one legged Ethiopian watching a donut roll down hill
(i think that's Larry the Cable Guy)

-Cunt Hair (more of a term than a phrase) I have my wife saying this now, it's pretty funny
ex: That picture is a little crooked. Move it just a cunt hair to the left.

Not including the insults that are about to be flung my way lets see if this thread can make it to 3 pages