Things that piss me off about porn.

[not~ted]

1.) Spitting: I do not want any woman spitting on my dick. There are more subtle and effective ways of using your saliva as lubricant. Spitting is not sexy.

2.) The criss-cross ass grab: I'm talking about that move the dude does when fucking a girl doggy style and he crosses his arms and grabs her ass. Look, I understand that porn is all about be able to see the action. But what does this accomplish? Nothing. No one does this except porn stars. So please stop.

3.) Tit-slapping: Why are you slapping her tits? I think you are doing it wrong.

4.) Cumming on her face: I don't really want to watch a guy jerk off for two minutes to come on her face. And while we're at it, why would I want to cum on a woman's face? I can jerk off by myself. If I'm gonna get down with a fine woman, I'm holding my position until I'm done. Cream-pie porn needs more respect.

5.) Too much anal: where this used to be the exception, it is now the norm. Some of us prefer vaginal sex, so please stop turning every scene into an anal adventure.

Discuss.