Merry Festivus

[Magnusrex]

okay so i'm expecting a serious "Thread Fail" here but lets try it anyway.
first a little Festivus history.
The holiday's celebration, as shown on Seinfeld, includes an unadorned aluminum "Festivus pole,"
practices such as the "Airing of Grievances" and i think we should really have some funny with that "NO FIGHTING" and "Feats of Strength," (no idea there) and the labelling of easily explainable events as "Festivus miracles". (good luck with that one)

[Five Inch Taint]

[FAHQ]

[Magnusrex]

Grievance: there aint ain't enough American Trannies in the porn industry damn i'm sick and tired of all these Brazilian and Asian trannies, "where are the all the white women at" (white meaning american not as a color) and second geez why can't i shoot people who insist on getting in the 10 items or less line with 50 items, and then the store won't do anything about it.
Feat of strengh: i got the whole toilet pulled wax seal replaced and toilet reset with out breaking anything, fucking A, yea me!
Festivus Miracle: nothing i can't even have a normal miracle:

[brodiemaxx]

I celebrate the Feast of Alvis! Read on non-Sealab 2021 fans:


On a frosty winter?s night:
A wagon appeared at the gates of Fort Klugman carrying pioneers to the frontier. A young woman in the party called Delia was heavy with child and though she had journeyed with the virile young men for nigh on one year, none had lain with her; though she was comely.




And on this frosty winter?s night, young Delia?s water broke almost freezing her to the seat of the wagon. And the pioneers beseeched the soldiers to grant them entrance so that she could give birth to her child in the hospital there. But, due to an outbreak of syphilis among the soldiers, the hospital was full. So there in the stable among the feed and tack and whatsit she gave birth to a son whom she called Alvis. As was her want.

And since none of the men in the party was the father, it was decided among them that the birth of this child must truly be a miracle! And it was so, for above the fort there suddenly and miraculously appeared an awesome and mighty comet! And so brilliant was its light that there came from all the tribes that the soldiers had not yet decimated: shamens!
And they rode upon buffalo, as was their heathen custom, carrying offerings of whiskey and firearms. And when the shamens saw the child, they were in awe! For he glowed in a light that was truly not of this world!


And here is how you can celebrate at home:
1) An awesome and mighty comet! Bright enough to make those non-Alvians (who the hell is non-Alvian) quake at the sight. Just like in The Book of Alvis.
2) A Fort Klugman replica. The stable is fine if you want to keep it small. Cast: Delia, Baby Alvis (our Lord), Soldiers, 3 Shamen, Buffalo.
3) Props and costume. This should include guns and plenty of them. Give the baby a .22 so nobody gets hurt.
4) A ham buffet. Because what is Alvistime without lots of ham and liquor?
5) Booze. Lots of booze. Alvians get wasted at Alvistime, so quit oppressing us!
6) Eggnog. For the non-Alvians (who the hell is non-Alvian? Alvis would have smoked those bitches!) Plenty of liquor and nutmeg (The stuff Malcom X got high on in prison)

[Magnusrex]

WOW! i knew this thing was gonna fail but shit this has got to be a fail record, 3 respones not counting mine.

[TheSNakE]

xmas beat festivus

[Bob Wehadababyitsboy]

pretty sure it has to do with Festivus being celebrated on the 23rd.

[dolphinskull]