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Reload this Page Porn Detection Stick? How about a Mind Your Own Business Stick?

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  #1  
Old 05-12-2010, 01:17 AM
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Thumbs down Porn Detection Stick? How about a Mind Your Own Business Stick?
Porn Detection Stick? How about a Mind Your Own Business Stick?



How dare they?

As if everyone isn?t already up in everyone?s business, along comes a company named Paraben and their handy-dandy Porn Detection Stick. Everyone can relax! Paraben?s here to rescue us from all those hidden porn pictures on our hard drive. Gee. Thanks.

Basically it?s a USB stick that detects pornographic images (Even deleted ones!! the website gleefully exclaims-ed). According to the site, it uses a ?complex series of algorithms to analyze fleshtones, shapes and curvatures, face detection, body part separation, and more to alert you to images likely to contain pornographic material.? You have to hand it to them. They managed to take this, and turn it into this. I fucking hate them already.

For the low low price of $100, you too can stick this in your PC?s USB port, and the nosey little bastard will scan up to 70,000 images in an hour and a half. Just images, mind you. Apparently Paraben?s miniature porn dick (That?s a private investigator joke. Double entendre?s kick ass.) can?t scan videos or web content. So basically, if you?re living in 1997, you?d better tell your wife about that burgeoning collection of smut you?ve been scanning. By hand.

Can?t you nerds start using your powers for good? Who the fuck is this thing for, really? The web site kind of sort of markets it to businesses and churches of all places, but what self-respecting porn collector stores his images on his church computer?

Deacon: Ethel, did we order that Porn Detection Stick? Pastor Richard wants all of our computers porn-scanned by the end of Passover.

Ethel: Corn scanned?

Deacon: PORN scanned.

Ethel: Porn?

Deacon: <hangs himself>

Here?s an idea: if you have a porn collection on your computer that you don?t want someone to find out about, it?s either illegal (in which case, enjoy prison) or you need to find a new love interest. Cause sooner or later, he or she is going to find it. With this stupid little piece of shit plastic.

Porn detection stick. Fuck you Paraben.

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  #2  
Old 05-12-2010, 01:44 AM
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i'd buy one. there's a lot of porn i can't find and i want it back.
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  #3  
Old 05-12-2010, 09:00 AM
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HA! That fucking thing would explode if it was plugged into my computer.
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  #4  
Old 05-12-2010, 11:21 AM
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Would you like some making fuck, berzerker!
 

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This would be very useful if it contained a feature to dump said porn to another usb stick. I get people asking me to fix their personal PCs all the time at work and the amount of time I spend fixing the PC is lengthened greatly by their efforts to hide the p0rn.
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  #5  
Old 05-12-2010, 11:25 AM
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I would want it to copy and paste into any other usb port connected to.

Imagine blackmailing your boss with tranny porn being found on his hard drive or even sent to his wife???
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  #6  
Old 05-12-2010, 01:44 PM
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MrGoutHimself MrGoutHimself is offline
Would you like some making fuck, berzerker!
 

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Be nice if it just could be written to dump the pics to a thread on here.
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  #7  
Old 05-12-2010, 02:11 PM
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mr.brownfella mr.brownfella is offline
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I know the feeling...but do you have over 3 TB of the good stuff?
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  #8  
Old 05-12-2010, 09:57 PM
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why would i need 20 days of porn to jerk off for 3 minutes?
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  #9  
Old 05-12-2010, 09:58 PM
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it is like prime rib, the good stuff never needs to be rushed!!
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That settles it. Pancakes for breakfast it is
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  #10  
Old 05-13-2010, 01:30 AM
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Porn is like socks in the dryer. You put in 3 pairs of socks and when you take it out to fold, you only have 2 pair and an odd sock you ever saw before.
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