Dear "_________" ...

Write your letter to whoever you want. Say whatever you want.




.

Dear Wu-Tang,

Please stop putting kung fu sounds at the beginning of all your fucking songs.

We get it. You like martial arts.

I just don't need to hear the sound FX from all your Hong Kong action films at the start of your songs.

Sincerely,

Irritated Fan


.

[n2tattoos.lol]

Dear KFC,

Please remove the Double Down from your menu before I eat too many and die.

Sincerely,

I Want To Live

[Magnusrex]

Dear Penis,

i know we have been banging the wife for 12 years now, but seriously this whole cop-out thing you're pulling very uncool dude.

if you can wake up for others, you can wake up for the wife, understand me.

don't make me take away the porn cause that just hurts all of us.

Your Owner!

Dear Steve Jobs,

Stop being such a douche to your developers.

You have gone way past "Bill Gates territory" in your draconian business practices.

Mark Fiore can win a Pulitzer Prize for his political cartoons but apparently his app gets rejected by Apple because it "ridicules public figures" a violation of the iPhone Developer Program License Agreement? Did you guys not learn from your mistake with Tom Richmond? This "ridiculing of public figures" you speak of is called political satire and is protected under your First Amendment.

Everyone understands that you are trying to protect the "Apple experience" but this is way out of hand.

Oh, just one more thing Mr.Jobs. Your recent ruling and subsequent BAN of all apps that feature the word "PAD" in the name is ludicrous to say the least. I realize that you now own the trademark for the word iPad but you don't own the word "pad" so for you to ban apps that have "pad" in them even though these apps were approved by you long before the iPad even came out is truly absurd. So if Apple were to develop the iBook reader would you then claim to own the word book as well? Would you then pull all apps containing that word too? These are developers that work hard to make apps for YOUR platform... why all the douchiness?

Why do you feel it is ok to treat the developers that program for your platform so poorly? Why do you forbid them to use any adobe programs to develop apps for Apple?

Why are you such a fucking douchebag?

Regards,

Anti-Fanboy

Dear Japanese inventors,

Thank you, thank you, thank you. From the bottom of my cold, tiny heart.... thank you for inventing the digital camera.

Behold a few examples of what you have enabled.

Again, we thank you.

Most Sincerely,

Satan666 and Satan666's Penis

[dice1883]

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Who wrote this? Satan or Satan's penis?

[Zakko]

Dear Westboro Baptist Church,

Keep up the good work

Signed,
Paint & Sign Suppliers

[MrGoutHimself]

Dear KJShadow,

Thank you so much for never publicly endorsing us or our curriculum.

Your local school board and English faculty

[brodiemaxx]

Dear Hollywood,

Look, I know we have had our ups and downs in the past, but please don't throw away this letter like you did with my "please don't make Lost Boy's 2" letter. I understand that you make movies to make money, not art. I have tried to deal with that fact for years, but for the love of god everything doesn't need to be a fucking trilogy. Meet the Parents was funny, but now I'm gonna have to watch Baby Fockers? And Friday After Next? And Matrix Revolutions? This is fucking bullshit and you know it. You will run shit into the ground until no one is watching it anymore. I'm not lying, go look at the Police Academy series. first couple of flicks were good, but by the time you made the 7th it didn't even gross a million box office. Quit being twats and just make quality products, cause that's what people will pay money for anyway.

Surprised I didn't say fuck more,
Brodiemaxx