Today’s results are in!

Knockout Stage –Round 1
Olivia Wilde (61.54%) defeated Elizabeth Gillies (38.46%)
Blake Lively (71.05%) defeated Cindy Crawford (28.95%)
Olivia Wilde will face Blake Lively in Round 2!

Adele Exarchopoulos (94.12%) defeated Michele Bachmann (5.88%)
Ronda Rousey (57.58%) defeated Naya Rivera (42.42%)
Adele Exarchopoulos will face Ronda Rousey in Round 2!

Jessica Alba (92.11%) defeated Reena Ninan (7.89%)
Jessica Alba will face Taylor Swift (entering tournament as a bye) in Round 2!


Meow’s Musings:
To start things off right, Olivia Wilde went back to her true self by giving youngin’ Elizabeth Gillies the good ol' Cockburn of death. Don’t worry too much tough, they make creams for that. Separately in a super surprising to me twist, Blake Lively used the French melons used to make Cindy’s Meaningful Beauty product against her, leaving Cindy with severe acid burns much like the ones that her customers complain about. The latter match definitely didn’t play out the way I thought it would, that’s for sure! Will Olivia be able to hold her own against Blake in Round 2?

Meanwhile, French beauty Adele Exarchopoulos was able to scissor her way to victory against the former US House of Representative conservative Michele Bachmann. No, I don’t mean Adele recreated her famous donut bumping love scene from Blue is the Warmest Color, I mean she got so tired of listening to Michele giving a speech that she grabbed a pair of scissors that was near to her and bludgeoned her to death. Adele also now currently holds the most impressive win margin title.

I like to be descriptive in my play by play, but Ronda Rousey just simply used her MMA skills to literally pummel the shit out of Naya Rivera, and then rubbed her face in it. Naya did her best to not lose, using her “A Game” bitchiness and cheerleader moves to get to Ronda, but once she started singing some lame ass Glee pop song, Ronda just went ape shit. This is upsetting to me as I wanted the hot Latina to win instead. With that, in Round 2 Ronda will be facing Adele. Will Adele’s feminine fragileness be a match for Ronda’s sexy strength?

And in the last match of the day, Jessica Alba reached into her Sin City heart to kill news correspondent Reena Ninan by impaling her with a stripper pole. Cleared it straight through her love hole and clean through the top of her head. She then proceeded to spin her around and around, making Reena look more like the ballerina you find in a music jewelry box than a stripper. Pretty gruesome scene, but none of the onlookers seemed to care as they kept giving Alba tips. Jessica will now get to face Taylor Swift who is fresh entering the competition in Round 2. Will Taylor be able to shake her off?


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