[Shasturbator]

A man walked into the vegetable section of his local supermarket andasked for half a head of lettuce.The boy working there told him that they only sold whole heads oflettuce.The man was insistent that the boy asked his manager about the matter. Walking into the back room, the boy said to his manager, "Some tosserwants to buy a half a head of lettuce."As he finished his sentence, he turned to find the man standing rightbehind him, so he added, "And this gentleman kindly offered to buy theother half." The manager approved the deal and the man went on his way.Later, the manager found the boy and said, "I was impressed with thewayyou got yourself out of that situation earlier.We like people who think on their feet here. Where are you from son?" Originally from Essex sir," the boy replied. "Why did you leave Essex ?" the manager asked. The boy answered, "Sir, there's nothing but whores and footballersthere." "Really?" said the manager. "My wife is from Essex." "No shit!" the boy replied. "Who does she play for?"