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I don't have a girlfriend but I do know a woman who'd be mad at me for saying that!
My manager saw me drinking backstage and he said "Mitch, don't use liquor as a crutch." I can't use liquor as a crutch, because a crutch helps me walk. Liquor severely fucks up the way I walk. It ain't like a crutch, it's like a step I didn't see.
I'm a heroine addict. I need to have sex with women who have saved someone's life.
... Okay, I'll stop, but I could go on and on... I think I know almost all of his jokes.