Thread: Porn Detection Stick? How about a Mind Your Own Business Stick?
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Old 05-12-2010, 01:17 AM
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Thumbs down Porn Detection Stick? How about a Mind Your Own Business Stick?
Porn Detection Stick? How about a Mind Your Own Business Stick?



How dare they?

As if everyone isn?t already up in everyone?s business, along comes a company named Paraben and their handy-dandy Porn Detection Stick. Everyone can relax! Paraben?s here to rescue us from all those hidden porn pictures on our hard drive. Gee. Thanks.

Basically it?s a USB stick that detects pornographic images (Even deleted ones!! the website gleefully exclaims-ed). According to the site, it uses a ?complex series of algorithms to analyze fleshtones, shapes and curvatures, face detection, body part separation, and more to alert you to images likely to contain pornographic material.? You have to hand it to them. They managed to take this, and turn it into this. I fucking hate them already.

For the low low price of $100, you too can stick this in your PC?s USB port, and the nosey little bastard will scan up to 70,000 images in an hour and a half. Just images, mind you. Apparently Paraben?s miniature porn dick (That?s a private investigator joke. Double entendre?s kick ass.) can?t scan videos or web content. So basically, if you?re living in 1997, you?d better tell your wife about that burgeoning collection of smut you?ve been scanning. By hand.

Can?t you nerds start using your powers for good? Who the fuck is this thing for, really? The web site kind of sort of markets it to businesses and churches of all places, but what self-respecting porn collector stores his images on his church computer?

Deacon: Ethel, did we order that Porn Detection Stick? Pastor Richard wants all of our computers porn-scanned by the end of Passover.

Ethel: Corn scanned?

Deacon: PORN scanned.

Ethel: Porn?

Deacon: <hangs himself>

Here?s an idea: if you have a porn collection on your computer that you don?t want someone to find out about, it?s either illegal (in which case, enjoy prison) or you need to find a new love interest. Cause sooner or later, he or she is going to find it. With this stupid little piece of shit plastic.

Porn detection stick. Fuck you Paraben.

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