[Shasturbator]

with it being graduation time, I thought I'd share with you a commencement speech I wrote my senior year, I did this in a speech class I took and ended up giving it to the entire school, my class actually voted for me to give it at graduation, but the school would not let me...

Students, teachers, moms, dads, brothers, sisters, stepbrothers, stepsisters, stepmothers, stepfathers, aunts, uncles, cousins, grandmothers, grandfathers, great grandmothers, great grandfathers, great aunts, great uncles, second cousins, and family members removed either once or twice, let me welcome you and thank you for being here tonight.

Seniors, for thirteen years you have been held in this prison, a prison guarded by principals, teachers, and the occasional janitor. Forced to carry books, go to classes, eat when they tell you to eat, go to the bathroom when they give you permission, and rely on a ringing bell to tell you when you can and cannot leave. Well I say enough is enough, and tonight….IT’S TIME FOR PAROLL!!!!

Unfortunately, there will be a few of you that will not make it, and will have to suffer through another year, so those I say goodbye and good luck.

Now most people would get up here and tell you how much fun we all had and how everything from here on is going to be great, for those of you that know me, you know that person is not me. In five years, 30% of you will be working minimum wage jobs and on welfare, 50% of you will just be graduating college, and after Mom and Dad kick you out, you will get your minimum wage job and sign up on welfare, 10% of you will be in prison, and the other 10% will actually have good jobs….someone has to pay for the welfare.

I’m not trying to be mean, I just don’t think that now is the time to give anyone false hope, you’re going out into the real world now and its time to face the facts.

In closing, I wish everyone luck in whatever, or whomever they do.

Thank you.