What's Your Excuse?
 

Post any excuse for anything.

Cant come in to work today? What's you excuse?!

Caught cheating on your girlfriend? What's you excuse?!

Don't want to study? What's you excuse?!




Stories with excuses are valid as well.... GO!

Here, I'll start
 

I can't come in to work today because I'll be stalking my previous boss, who fired me for not showing up for work. OK? :D

Some i found on the web:

-- The roads are so smooth here. I didn't know I was doing 85 mph, because I didn't feel it.


Being Sleepy at work excuses:

• This is one of the seven habits of highly effective people !
  
  
• They told me at the blood bank this might happen.
  
  
• This is just a 15 minute power-nap like they raved about in the last time management course you sent me to.
  
  
• Damn! Why did you interrupt me? I had almost figured out a solution to our biggest problem.
  

I cancelled my eye exam today for two reasons,

1, because I plan on having a couple of smokes and I assume that my eyes wont react naturally if I am high - you wouldn't go to an eye exam drunk either.

2, because I am meeting my Dad for the first time in a few years after I basically ran away from home. The meeting is 30mins after the eye test was booked so I would be too stressed out. Its also the reason I need to smoke a J today! We are going to go see Public Enemies at the cinema, hopefully it wont be extremely awkward but I dont see how it could be anything else.

The ultimate answer: because I was taking a shit. I dare you to find a situation where this doesn't work. Why were you speeding? I almost shat on myself. Why were you late to your wedding? I was here, I just had to shit. Why weren't you on the conference call? I didn't want you to have to hear me shit. Is there anything shit can't do?

I've got a situation where that excuse doesn't work: Basic Training. When I was in Army basic, we got the call to get into formation. One of my buddies was taking a shit and was late getting where he was supposed to be. The drill sergeant took no excuses. He said that if you were shitting when formation was called you shit yourself on the way to formation. Of course, it's a no win situation because if you show up with pants full of dookie, you were in for it anyway. The sergeants called him Turdboy for weeks.

the best part about my job is that no one even cares enough to come up with an excuse. a e-mail or text that says "I won't be in today" is all the excuse I need.

that's pretty awesome. they don't take kindly to call ins at my job.

fuck 'em. everyone i work with is either too retarded or too busy trying to get away with their own shit to care what anyone else does. i think it would take several hours before anyone noticed i wasn't at work even if i didn't bother to call in.

you know what sucks is that if i do need to call in i have to find my own replacement. it is not fun trying to call people in to work before 5 am.