Lost my game....
 

So, the Worst Way To Die thread got me thinking (as a refresher, one of the poll options was "Alone").

I just got out of a six year relationship that ended pretty badly, and now, six months later I try to get back out there and find that I've totally lost my game. God DAMN this is annoying. All through senior high I was a fucking casanova, and now I can't even get a bar skank to go out with me. I'm still apt at liquoring women up for meaningless sex (just did on Friday, in fact), but that shit gets old. I'm looking for somebody to love, not wank and walk... but it seems I've completely lost it.

I fucked my way through high school (my greatest conquest being my math teacher's daughter AND her best friend, in two adjacent rooms, within ten minutes of each other, WHILE I was dating somebody else), finally getting serious with the girl I thought I'd marry halfway through senior year. I left for the Marines, she wated for me, I got back, and things were great... until they weren't. But I'm not going to bore you with that bullshit. Anyways, I'm trying to get back out there, but I'm striking out left and right, and when I don't, she's a fucking psycho. And I know this sounds cliche, but I'm getting sick of the bar scene too.

So... any advice from my favorite group of happy-go-lucky drunken asswranglers? How're the kids picking up women nowadays? (Keep in mind, the last time I picked up a woman was, back when Pokemon was popular.) I need tips. And for the record, even asking this is embarrassing enough, be gentle.

Walk around with your dick hanging out, that's sure to attract the ladies.

show a little dick neck?

Hell yeah, the more dick the better.

Now if only I could get the bouncers to see it your way.

Cant forget the bottom nut

and if they let moose knuckle in they should sure as hell let dick neck in and you can always do it with fishnet (mmm fishnet)

Get one of those loofa shower things, and scrub off the smell of desperation. Then apply for the next season of The Bachelor. Oh, and stop living back in high school. We know they were your Glory Years, but chicks could give a shit, Uncle Rico.

Never to late to transition!!!

My "girls" can lend you some coochie cutters and heels then you can begin your new life as an independent businesswoman.
Think of the freedom!!!

Just sayin....

Spray-on tan, spiked hair, pursed lips, and popped collar.

Draws 'em like flies....

Or you may consider having your arms surgically altered to T-Rex proportions. Works for Trips.....

Yes! Bitches love midget arms! Gets them more moist than a betty crocker cake.

BTW, you ever been jerked off by a midget? Does a lot for the ego

Figure out a way to be content being alone. That's what I do.

Thailand. If the chicks are not your thing, they have little boys who look like chicks. I bet that they have little girls who look like boys. Whatever floats your boat.

I tried a start up on that but the business model doesn't work on that variety.

Taint .... you're starting to sound like Predator and we don't need another one like him. Hell, we don't even want him.

hahahahaha.

Stop hiding from yourself Mr. H, share your true feelings and just go crazy!!

Try a roofie colada. Remember, if she didn't want it she wouldn't dress like that. :)

Yeah, well, I could still throw this steak over that mountain over there.

AWESOME comment. :D :D :D

Bwahahah... this post sounded like something Thermos would say. Pred i think you and Therm were separated at birth. I bet you have a penchant for assplay :D

You could try one of those Adult friend finder services Jesus is always mentioning... Or go on LiveJasmin, and ask a Romanian chick to come live with you.

First off i just want to mention that i moved all the thread jacking Predator talk into the Random thoughts thread.


I read an article about Adult Friend Finder. These people from a website (cant remember which one) gave one of the guys 1 month to try and get laid from AFF to see whether or not it was real.

The conclusion was: AFF employs a lot of women who correspond with the men but never actually meet them. They string them along to keep men paying for the memberships. The few real women that are on the site are usually paired up with men and "swingers" or are really obese women. And to clarify the guy from this website doing this experiment was trying to hook up with anyone at all... they werent being picky.

So, according to these guys and this experiment, AFF seems pretty much a waste of time.

Oh... i guess i should give some advice?

The only advice i have is - don't worry so much about "game".

I think what would be the best option for you is to expand your social circle. Once you meet some new people then you meet friends of theirs... then acquaintances of those people, you'll open up new possibilities.

A lot of times women don't trust a random guy they meet unless you have common friends. Having common friends says "this guy is cool. my friends like him so he must be ok". It is better than gaming a chick at the bar or club.

Granted, it does take some time but what have you got to lose. You'll probably meet new friends and have fun.

Hmmm.......... how to be helpful.

Personally I know of 2 chicks that have hooked up off of E harmony. Since they didn't hook up with each other I assume they hooked up with guys, so you have that. If your looking for trim go to bars alone, get liquored up, and stop giving a shit. Your friends aren't around to witness your failures (if thats an issue for you) and the more girls you proposition, the better your chances get. Oh and be positive, no one likes a miserable pity fuck.

Walk away from the porn machine and find chicks in person.

When I split from my previous fiance (she walked out, I know:confused: ) I spent a lot of time on Match.com and the likes. I became really fucked up because I had nothing to do but hunt chicks ALL THE TIME. Obsession is not healthy. I would have been much more well off if I just left my apartment and took a walk or something.

Go to your local arts and crafts store or a Target store to meet chicks you can honestly bring home to meet your Mom. Go to bars to meet chicks you want to impress your homophobic internet friends with.

I have just felt a great disturbance in the force. As if millions of men's hopes and dreams (including mine) suddenly cried out in terror and then were suddenly silenced.

I totally can see the similarities. One's into granny, the other, tranny. Sometimes we even meet in the middle and revel in the euphoric bliss of the elusive and endangered tranny granny.


I've been busy as fuck @ work so I've missed most of the latest fuckery.....but quickly, here are my thoughts.

#1 - Boonie, that post about Uncle Rico was perhaps your finest. Kudos to you. And likewise, Kyle manned up in his pussy thread and admitted it was funny - so good times all around.

#2 - Are you looking for serious advice? Here's mine.


Quickly get married to an ugly, self-absorbed woman that you secretly hate and won't feel bad cheating on. Befriend a bunch of pretty married woman that have insensitive husbands whom are slaves to their jobs. This is easier than you think with a wedding band on - don't worry, they will come in droves. Slowly forge a relationship with them....meet their emotional needs and bring them little presents and write them thoughtful notes. Most of all, spend time with them...play tennis with them and shit and don't get annoyed when they can't return anything on their backhand side. Tell them they make Sharapova look bad. Talk openly about how much you love your beautiful wife...and offhandedly mention that you don't mind doing the dishes, the laundry, the cooking - but that you just don't feel appreciated at home and you're getting frustrated.

After you've paid your pussy dues...and put in your laborious time.....woefully mention that you haven't had a blowjob or meaningful sex in over a year. It's then it's only a matter of time until you'll be bopping her over your lunch break or in the break room. This works on approximately 50% of married woman...probably even IF you have a horseface and a tiny dick. Woman LOVE to compare themselves to other women and have their needs met. If you can give them a shitty comparison and also pick up Mr. Corporate America's slack - then you'll be showered in illicit, mind-blowing sex.

It's important to stay the course...be patient and <ugh> sensitive even when it's simply not in our nature.....just keep your eyes on the forbidden prize and remember that harvest time is near. You mustn't try to pick the fruit too soon either.

Or as Boonie said, ditch the pride - be yourself and just start talking to women and don't be afraid to fail.

EDIT: If you've made it this far - i'm sorry for all the words - I haven't posted in a few days and this post was a cathartic release.

#1- Yeah, this thread is about as pitiful as I've become. :rolleyes:

#2- Holy shit, I'm actually getting some good advice. Props to Satan.

#3- I'm going out with a girl on Friday, and a pretty close friend's best friend on Saturday. Things might be looking up. Hope I don't fuck it up, especially the later. She's STUNNINGLY beautiful, we share a lot of likes and dislikes, and she's actually very intelligent. This could go places. :cool:

Oh, and she's a virgin. Don't know whether this is a turn-on or not, but it'll definately be a challenge. Though, hell, fifty million arabs can't be wrong, can they?

was gonna suggest online dating until predator helped me realize there are alot of creeps on there.

and not to be a wet blanket, but while dating is cool and all, hopefully you dont jump into another long term relationship with these new girls who you seem to dig already. theres a lot to be said for being single and finding yourself.

Coyote ;LISTEN TO ME!!!

If you go into this date thinking that she is STUNNINGLY beautiful you're going to fuck it up. THink of her as your best friends girlfriend. You'll be more relaxed and behave as a real man and not a MEGADOUCHE. This alone will get to under her bra and over her panties.

Since she's a "virgin", LOL. This strategy will be even more effective but incase your Father didn't explain to you what happens the morning after the cherry is popped, I don't want to be responsible by going any further.

Call you old man on this one over some Werthers Originals.

When you say "finding yourself" don't you really mean "I am a total homo and the thought of clean, fresh, dripping of Ambrosia nectar vagina makes me wish I was still sitting on Santa's lap asking for all the frilly dresses in last Sunday's JC Penny advertisement".

nope. but way to overcompensate on how manly you are. getting pussy is soooo EXTREME!!!!

we get it. youre a creep and you like chicks bc youre a manly man. sure thing.

LOL, thanks MillyMc. I forgot.

the first problem I see is "the Game" in the first place. run a game to hook up not to meet anyone worth a damn. second of all avoid the bars as a place to meet someone - it's all a game at the bars, they're running a game all the guys are running games. third, the advice about getting out and doing something fun where you're likely to meet other people is the best. I don't care if it's sports, volunteering, work related, civic, church whatever the point is have some fun be yourself - that's who you want them to like anyway, not some weird version of you. You'll have some common ground to begin with.


it sounds trite but i swear to God it's true - the moment you stop looking, they'll start finding you

:eek: :eek: :eek:

yousa gonna be sorry

whys that a joke is a joke.

haha I think even she wishes that were true. :p Poor girl.

Wyle E. so how'd that night go?

Care to share any of the details?

The first date was pretty mediocre. My heart wasn't really in it, knowing that I was on a date with an unfunny, moderately-intelligent eight when I'd be dating a hilarious, intelligent ten the next night. We're still dating, and... I'll just say this, she's not a virgin anymore. She's only the second virgin I've slept with (my first was also a virgin), and they're overrated. But she's gotten a lot better! However, just like they always do, the floodgates open right when I start seeing someone. There are three other women who are available and interested in me... but I'm going to see where things go with this girl first.

Ho-damn, I love my life right now.

Good for you man! :D

I have a theory about the "floodgates" thing... dunno if it applies to you in this case but here it is:

Guys give off signals when they are single. The signals are subconscious and can be any number of things from watching her for approval after you've said something funny to just giving too much attention. The signals get worse the more desperate you are. Women pick up on these signals instantly! So, in essence, they have a desperation detector, if you will.

When you get a girlfriend or are dating someone you are no longer "trying so hard". This lack of desperation (for lack of a better word) is picked up by women and, thus, you become more appealing than the guy that is trying too hard to win her over.

So, right now you have multiple girls after you. What you are now thinking (whether you realize it or not) is "Hey, i'm a wanted guy. I have multiple women interested in me".... that translates into your body language, your confidence, your subliminal cues... all of this women pick up on. They "sense" it and want you more... women want what they can't have.

That's my theory. It has proven itself time and again for me and my friends. :)

That's a pretty damn good theory.