Ohio woman accused of trying to steal a Christmas tree by hiding it in her vagina



A Walmart store in Cincinnati faced one the strangest shoplifting attempt in history Yesterday: a would-be thief lost consciousness while trying to insert a 7-foot tall plastic Christmas tree in her vaginal cavity.

According to the police report, 43-year old Wanda Brown took a*7.5-Ft Slim Yuletide Pine Christmas Tree with her inside the store’s restrooms with the intent of inserting it entirely in her body cavities and steal it.

Unfortunately for her, the pain caused by the insertion was too great and she lost consciousness before the end of the process.

She was found lying bloodied and senseless on the floor in the middle of the restroom by other customers who immediately decided to call 911.

Lucy Myers, one of the women who found Ms. Brown and called the paramedics, says she thought the woman had been the victim of an extremely savage aggression.

“When I saw her at least two feet of a huge Christmas tree had been shoved down her genital cavity, I thought it was the work of a sex maniac.”

Officers of the Cincinnati Police Department (CPD) were rapidly dispatched on the site expecting a manhunt for a sexual offender.

According to CPD spokesman, Captain Terrell Harris, the officers were in disbelief when they saw the footage of the security cameras and understood that the woman’s wounds were self-inflicted during an ill-conceived criminal plan.

“When we saw her go in the restroom with the tree and noticed that no one else entered before the witnesses who called us, we understood and instantly felt nauseous. That’s the dumbest crime I’ve ever seen!”

Wanda Brown was transported to the University of Cincinnati Medical Center where doctors still consider her condition “critical but stable” and no longer fear for her life.

She suffered from severe lacerations necessitating over 375 stitches and lost more than 2 liters of blood. She hasn’t regained consciousness yet, but doctors expect her to do so within a few days.

Ms. Brown has a long criminal record including several larceny charges, as well as other crimes like possession of counterfeit documents and even impersonating a police officer.

She will face two new charges of larceny and indecent exposure, but her lawyer has demanded a pŝychiatric evaluation to determine if she is fit to stand trial.

The evaluation is set to take place after she regains consciousness and recovers from her injuries, which means her trial shouldn’t take place before February or March of next year.

Easter might be more her holiday pulling a bunny out of her pussy would be a great trick.

I beg to differ. I want to see the Christmas Tree.

I posted and then read the article. Never mind, the bunny is fine.

Just like Toledo, we don't claim Cinci as part of Ohio :trolllol

Seeing as you're from Ohio by the sounds of it run over to that Wal Mart you might find a 7-foot tall plastic Christmas tree in the clearance aisle

She shot tattoo worker after he killed her brother in Lakewood. Now she’s going to prison
BY PETER TALBOT JANUARY 22, 2023 7:00 AM

A 25-year-old woman has been sentenced to five years in prison for shooting an employee at a Lakewood tattoo shop after a fight over a threesome led to an exchange of gunfire that killed the woman’s brother.

Gloria Gonzalez pleaded guilty in Pierce County Superior Court in November to second-degree assault for the Sept. 2, 2021 shooting at the business in the 10200 block of Bridgeport Way Southwest. On Wednesday, Judge Alicia Burton handed Gonzalez an exceptional sentence above the standard range of 39-45 months in prison as part of a plea bargain, according to court records.

Gonzalez was the only person to be charged in connection to the shooting. The defendant’s brother, Brandon Toj, 19, was shot multiple times by an employee at the shop after Toj allegedly punched the employee and then fired several rounds that didn’t hit him. Lakewood Police Department spokesperson Sgt. Charles Porche said Friday that detectives’ investigation found the employee shot Toj out of self-defense.

After Toj collapsed on a sidewalk in front of the business, Gonzalez picked up her brother’s gun and shot a different employee, shattering the man’s pelvis, according to court records.

Toj was taken to Madigan Army Medical Center, according to the probable cause document, where he died of his injuries. The man Gonzalez shot was transported to St. Joseph’s Medical Center for treatment. Gonzalez was arrested outside the tattoo shop.

The defendant was charged with first-degree assault the day after the shooting, and Pierce County prosecutors wrote in charging papers that Gonzalez and her brother had gone to the tattoo parlor to confront an employee about a “past issue.”

After Gonzalez was arrested, she allegedly told Lakewood police officers that she and Toj had been involved in a threesome with the employee’s girlfriend, and that this angered the employee, causing him to shoot Toj. Police noted Gonzalez appeared intoxicated.

Police said the incident started at about 6 p.m. Records state Gonzalez and her brother parked outside, leaving Gonzalez’s two children, ages 2 and 7, in the car.

Inside, Toj punched the employee, possibly breaking his nose, and a fight broke out in front of customers and other employees. According to the probable cause document, Toj and the employee exchanged gunfire. The siblings left the shop, and Toj collapsed outside. Records state that’s when Gonzalez shot a different employee.

“He stated that after the shooting stopped and Toj and the defendant ran out of the shop, he attempted to close the front door, but was confronted by the defendant who was standing in the parking lot holding a handgun,” prosecutors wrote in charging documents. “[The employee] stated that the defendant accused him of shooting her brother, and then fired at least one round, striking him in the left buttocks.”

So the brother and sister were involved in a threesome unless I read it wrong :confused: