TEAM MOTIVATION SCRIPT (GOAL ACCOMPLISHMENT)
Congratulations on ______. We know you've worked hard for this and wish you the best on your ongoing endeavors. (2 pats on shoulder) We know in the future you can accomplish (insert vague goal here) and will support you in reaching it.
Now as you can see I've got a ton of work so please close the door on your way out, and remember that this doesn't protect your status of termination should you screw up in the future.
(Lower eyes to desk and feign being busy till employee awkwardly leaves)