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#21 07-01-2009, 09:26 AM

TOP 5 BEST NAMES TO GIVE YOUR PENIS

5.) The Incredible Hulk:
Yeah, it looks like an ?Average Joe? to the untrained eye, much like Bruce Banner. But, given the right circumstances and amount of anger, the dick transforms into a raging, veiny super-being. Just like the comic book Hulk is an unstoppable, unbeatable force of fury, your dick will cause an equivalent amount of damage to the world of pussy. But, try not to let out too many outbursts of ?Hulk Smash? and keep the Gama green skin tone suppressed as much as possible, okay chief?

4.) The Crippler:
This nickname says you?re experienced and you have a shitload of girth to prove it. You?ll be slamming so much ass, it?ll be like you have the ghost of Chris Beniot instilled in you. After giving a triple German suplex on the bed, you?ll dive from the bed post with a flying headbutt, and then give your signature ?Crippler?, only in sexual form. With a nickname like this, you not only have a kinky and ravishing dick-name, but you can double it as your stage name if you decide to go into a pro-wrestling circuit.

3.) Thunderstick:
This is a devastating and more fearful nickname, but it also hints that it will ?shake you up? and leave you ?trembling? for more. Bring on a rainstorm, hail, fuck even a tornado, but none will hold par to your sexual performance with this nickname. If every time you fuck is like playing every AC/DC song at once, this is the nickname for you? So keep her ?Thunderstruck? with Thunderstick as ?You Shook Her Alllll Niiiight Looooong??

2.) Optimus Prime:
If you?re comparing your dick to the likes of Optimus Prime, then your shit better be epic as fuck. Being able to get into many positions is prideful as your ?meets the eye? comes into play. Being able to make love with machine-like endurance is one of the reasons you got the name, too. By no means is it nerdy or retro seeing how all these bad ass movies have come out recently, so keep on being a bad ass and tear down those Decepticons.

1.)Centerpiece:
I actually had a friend have his former girlfriend name his dick this. At first, he was puzzled because he had never heard anyone name their junk that. However, she mentioned the reason why she called it that was because, ?It looks good no matter where you put it.? Giggity. That means that no matter where your sticking the damn thing (Vag, Butthole, Mouth, Ear hole, etc.), you?re doing a damn good job of it. And it may lead you to believe that you have a nice lookin? dick. So, congratz my friend: you have achieved an epic nickname for your meatwhistle.

#22 07-01-2009, 09:26 AM

TOP 5 WORST NAMES TO GIVE YOUR PENIS

5.)Elmer the Glue Shooter:
Seriously? Dudes, this just spells out, "I can't wait to prematurely ejaculate into your vagina." Never, and I repeat, NEVER name or refer your nickname for your cock on how you ejaculate. Trust me, women in the real world are not cum hungry porn stars that we dream about in our free trials at BangBros.com. Women hate the reality that we do in fact have orgasm, because that means that they are likely to not get one once we roll over and pass out after we have ours. So, please stay away from jizz names. They are not cute, sexy, and only funny in the sense that after two pumps into it you'll be proven right.

4.)Pee-Wee:
Maybe this is a sorry excuse for naming your dick "Mini Me" but trying to be a nonconformist and break the grid, but it fails miserably. It just screams that you have a small dick and all your partner will be thinking about how much your dick may in fact look like Paul Reubens' character. No one wants to sex-up a run down screaming lunatic from a trippy kids show? And no one wants to sleep with only person in history arrested for masturbating in an adult movie theater. Stay away from Pee-Wee? For the love that is all Holy.

3.)Hanging Chad:
This is probably one of my favorite of the worst names, because it just so fucking sad. That's what I want to resemble my penis toward: a small, annoying piece of paper hanging off of the main portion of paper, and probably the reason why Barack Obama got into office. So if you?re a liberal douche with a penis that looks like your dirty uncle's collection of skin tags, this is the nickname for you (and I feel sorry for you).

2.)Rumpleforeskin:
"I have an uncircumcised dick and want give my dick a magical name. But what should I call it?" asked the Dumb Ass. Fellas, for the same sake as referring to how you blow your baby gravy, PLEASE DO NOT give your nickname based on your foreskin. I've heard it increases pleasure and whatever, but the Cons outweigh the Pros hygiene-wise. In my opinion, that shit is gross and can be the dirtiest fuckin' thing known to mankind; with all of its smegma and foul stenches?. blughhh? If you want your son to be made fun of in the locker room when he gets older, be my guest and bypass the simple snippet. But, for the sake of your sex life, get rid of the ?skin and the nickname. Don't embrace the fact that you have a dwarf dick with more actual foreskin that you do whoopie stick.

1.)The Puppy
This may seem like a let-down to be #1. But if you think about it, if your dick has all the properties of a puppy then your love life is little to nonexistent, and your probably the laughing stock of the YMCA shower room. What do we say when we see a puppy? Well, for examples sakes?
"Aww, look how much fur covers it!"
"I heard it isn?t going to get much bigger than this!"
"Why is its nose so wet? Does that means its healthy?"
"Look! It's covered in spots!"

Need I say more? If your chick nicknames your dick "The Puppy" then you need to keep your pimp hand strong and talk to the good folks at Enzyte because you need a shit ton of help.

jay92388 · #23 07-01-2009, 09:30 AM

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I see that you read cracked.com as well

Mr Handlebars · #24 07-01-2009, 03:35 PM

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tats steals from only the best web sites.

Soze · #25 07-01-2009, 05:18 PM

top ten athletes

10.Georges St Pierre(I had to have at least 1 mma guy)
9.Deion Sanders
8.Pele
7.Carl Lewis
6.Dave Winfield
5.Michael Phelps
4.Michael Jordan
3.Jim Brown
2.Jim Thorpe
1.Bo Jackson

flame away...

Pantera14 · #26 07-01-2009, 05:33 PM

MY top 10 American Metal Bands

10.) The Black Dahlia Murder
9.) A Life Once Lost
8.) DevilDriver
7.) Megadeth
6.) Fear Factory
5.) Obituary
4.) The Absence ( Look them up, fucking amazing)
3.) Testament
2.) Lamb Of God
1.) PAN-FUCKING-TERA!! ( didnt see that coming did ya)

Mr Handlebars · #27 07-01-2009, 05:37 PM

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I never could get into Fear Factory. Can you recommend a album? I don't remember that last time I heard them or what songs/album it was.

Pantera14 · #28 07-01-2009, 05:42 PM

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Check Out Obsolete..thats the album that really got me into them..

Mr Handlebars · #29 07-01-2009, 05:48 PM

I'll look for it in park bench. I quite sure I can get a copy there.

Randal Graves · #30 07-01-2009, 06:45 PM

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faggot. everyone know's who the best athlete in the world is. this guy: