Random Joke Thread

Content, Pictures  and Download links visible to registered users only. 

REGISTER NOW to access all areas that are invisible to non-members.

(I don't get it. Wouldn't it be R as in Arrrrrrrrrrrgh? Or is C a sports thing answer?)

[Vodkaman]

Content, Pictures  and Download links visible to registered users only. 

REGISTER NOW to access all areas that are invisible to non-members.

C as in the Sea

Content, Pictures  and Download links visible to registered users only. 

REGISTER NOW to access all areas that are invisible to non-members.

Wow that went right over my head.

[T600]

A blonde, wanting to earn some money, decided to hire herself out as a handyman-type and started canvassing a wealthy neighborhood. She went to the front door of the first house and asked the owner if he had any jobs for her to do.

"Well, you can paint my porch. How much will you charge?"

The blonde said, "How about 50 dollars?"

The man agreed and told her that the paint and ladders she would need were in the garage.

The man's wife, inside the house, heard the conversation and said to her husband, "Does she realize that the porch goes all the way around the house?"

The man replied, "She should. She was standing on the porch."

A short time later, the blonde came to the door to collect her money.

"You're finished already?" he asked.

"Yes," the blonde answered, "and I had paint left over, so I gave it two coats."

Impressed, the man reached in his pocket for the $50. "And by the way," the blonde added, "that's not a Porch, it's a Ferrari."

Q: What's the difference between a penis and a bonus?
A: Your wife will always blow your bonus!


Q: Why did God give men penises?
A: So they'd have at least one way to shut a woman up.


Q: How can you tell which is the head nurse?
A: She's the one with the dirty knees.


Q: Which of the following words does not belong: meat, eggs, wife, blowjob.
A: Blowjob. You can beat your meat, eggs, and wife; but you can’t beat a blowjob.


Q: What's the difference between pink and purple?
A: The grip!

A first grader was doing his homework at the kitchen table while his mother prepared dinner. She listened as he worked.

"Two plus three, that son of a bitch is five. Three plus seven, that son of a bitch is ten."

Startled by her son's language she asked what he was doing.

He replied, "That's what the teacher taught us."

Furious, the mother went to see his teacher the next morning.

She asked, "What kind of math are you teaching my son?"

The teacher said, "We are working on addition right now."

The mother asked, "Well, why would you tell them to say, "Two plus two, the son of a bitch is four."

After the teacher stopped laughing she said, "The sum of which is four."

[T600]

What sexually transmitted disease do sharks suffer from?




Clam-idia

[Stantz]

A man was out on a country drive when his engine died. He pulled over by a country gate and popped the bonnet. Taking a look at the engine, he realised he didn't know what was wrong and started scratching his head.

"It's probably your spark plugs, mate."

Startled, he looked around to see who had spoken, but there was no-one around. Just a horse grazing in a nearby field. Shaking it off, he ducked down over the engine again.

"Try taking the HT leads off and spray a bit of WD40 in there. That should see you right until you can get some new plugs. There's a garage in the village up the road."

This time he looked directly at the horse, who returned the stare, before leaning down to graze some more. Figuring he had nothing to lose, he grabbed the can of WD40 he had in the trunk and started removing the HT leads, just as the voice had said.

"Do one at a time. If you get them mixed up you'll be in a worse state than when you started.". He didn't look up this time, and just did as the voice had suggested. A few minutes later, he turned the ignition key and car spluttered back into life. He closed the bonnet, gave the horse an inquisitive look, and drove off.

A mile or two up the road, he found the garage the voice had mentioned and they started work straight away. Sure enough, it was the spark plugs.

"Do you know, the strangest thing happened down the road." he said to the mechanic, and he told him about the voice he'd heard, but the only living thing around was a horse. The mechanic thought for a second.

"Was it a brown horse?"
"Actually, yes it was."
"You're lucky. The white one knows fuck all about cars"

[TheJuice]

I was asked today..."Where do I see myself in five years". I had to answer: "I have no idea..I don't have 2020 vision."

[headmuses]

A horse walks into a bar, the bartender asks "Why such a long face?"

A Giraffe walks into a bar and says "High Balls on me".