DSF Dating Philosophy

[el_victorino]

DSF Dating Philosophy: Chapter One: Lowering Your Standards

In times of sexual drought, your last, best hope lies in the subtly ineluctable erosion of your standards. You may, of course, insist on aiming for the supermodel. In that case, have you considered the Plus Size Supermodel? The Hand Model? The Foot Model from the Before picture in the Dr. Scholl's Corn Remover advertisements? Don't unnecessarily limit your options based solely on the arbitrary requirement that she be a Supermodel.

If your own personal standards erosion has progressed past this irrational and superficial benchmark, then good for you. You have taken your first tentative steps toward consensual intercourse with a human female.

Other considerations:

Is the retention of a full or near-full set of teeth an absolute deal breaker? If not, consider widening your circle of potential dates to include the elderly, the under insured (many employer provided health plans do not include Dental) and, of course, users of meth. In the case of the latter, what you lose in audio equipment, appliances, and other easily sellable items is more than made up for by your meticulously clean bathroom. After all, there's no better way to scrub dingy grout than with a toothbrush for 30 hours straight.

Is there, or should there be, an upper weight limit? Consider the maxim "the more the cushion the better the pushin'". So long as you keep an ample stock of flour (gluten-free for the allergic) for the purpose of vaginal location, there's no reason that Tubby Tina can't be just as much fun as riding a scooter (provided your friends don't see you).

Remember that regular bathing is a relatively recent phenomenon among Europeans and European-Americans, and that a robust feminine scent was once considered to be a turn-on. There's no reason why, after a period of acclimation, what you once thought would knock a buzzard off a gut wagon can't become the sweetly ambrosial equivalent of a 17 year old cheerleader's panty drawer. (Stopping your allergy medicine may speed up the acclimation process).

Penultimately, setting aside petty concerns about rational, societally-mandated acceptable behavior will dramatically increase your chances of finding a mate that will accede to your sexual entreaties and supplications. Remember that mental health is a spectrum and that crazy in the head means crazy in the bed. Sure, she'll kill your bunny, but she'll also work the balls and finger the butthole. She may stalk you, but she'll also rock you.

Finally, low standards are still standards. Say "I wouldn't fuck her" but think "unless she says yes."

[el_victorino]

Chapter Two: Expanding Your Horizons

You've spent most of your life lusting after women. Have you ever stopped to wonder why? To a large extent, what you find attractive is a function of what society tells you to find attractive. Curvy girls in the 1940's. REALLY curvy girls in the 1640's. Skinny girls in the 60's. Athletic girls in the 80's. If what sets your parts atingle is a construct of input from the media, then why not expand your exposure to media, thus expanding your sexual horizons? By the judicious use of the internet to widen your pornograpy searches, you might soon find that the following options will help jerk you out of this slump.


Post-Op Trannies
Let's start with the simplest, and the closest to what you're used to salivating over. You wouldn't turn down a ride in a rebuilt Lamborghini just because its mounted on a Ford F-150 chassis, would you? Sure the understructure might not be original equipment, but when you're in the driver's seat (literally or figuratively) who cares what it used to look like? So they turned an outie into an innie. What matters is what it feels like to ride in it now, and with a little Astro-Glide or a palmful of saliva, you'll never know the difference.

Pre-op Trannies
In some cultures, Thailand for example, it is perfectly acceptable to bang the ladyboys. Admit it, some of them are much hotter than that girl that let you finger her after Prom. Added bonus: Their breath doesn't smell like Doritos, Strawberry Boone's Farm and vomit. You'll have to get over the fact that she's still got an extra appendage, but grab hold of those bolt-on breasts, ignore the feeling of her limp, flaccid penis rhythmically slapping against your stomach, and think back on all the times your other girlfriends flat out denied you buttsex.

Cross-Dressers
What's sexier than seeing a beautiful woman in a sexy outfit? Can you focus on the outfit? Red lacy lingerie under a white satin blouse and tight A-line skirt? Six inch stiletto heels and black silk stockings? A scandalously lacy garter belt? Hot, no? Focus intently enough on what s/he's wearing, and perhaps you can look past the manly hands, the size 12 feet, and the leg hair poking through those silky stockings. And remember, aloe is a soothing balm when you find yourself razor burnt after nuzzling a five-o'clock-shadowed Adam's apple.

Going Gay
Good for you. You've come this far, so it's time to give up artifice and pretentions. Like mental health, sexuality is also a spectrum, and you've finally ventured out far enough to espy what's on the other end. Remember, as Woody Allen said, bisexuality doubles your chance of getting a date on Saturday night. Now it's time to decide if you're pitching or catching. There are obvious benefits and liabilities to each.
Pitching:
For the sexually dominant partner in man-on-man sex, there's a long storied tradition of acceptance in the manliest of arenas, for instance prison, the Navy, and college football. The downside of course is that you've got to be the pursuer, with all the responsbilities that come with that role. Buying flowers. Listening to him talk on end about his day. Resting your weight on your elbows. Really, with all that work, you might as well go back to women.
Catching:
A more passive role means much less effort on your part. Sure, you'll have to occasionally play coy so as to avoid the appearance of loose morals, but for the most part, your job is to lay back (or actually, forward) and enjoy it. Of course, there are other considerations. Fortunately, for the diabetic or the weight-conscious, jams, jellies and syrups are readily available in sugar-free varieties. Tossing his salad needn't mean elevated sugar levels or an expanding waistline.

Self-Love
You've been practicing for this moment since the first time you learned that it's not just for peeing. Sadly, for most men, your most neglected relationship is the one you have with yourself. It's drop your socks and beat your cocks. No bromance, no sweet talking, no ambience. Wham, Bam, Think Of A Clam. Two pumps and a squirt. Life and (self)love doesn't have to be so impersonal. Take your time. Light a candle. Draw a nice warm bath scented with essential oils. Bromance yourself a little. Put on some Kenny G and pour yourself a nice crisp chardonnay, sink into the water and let the stresses of your day float away. When you've found your peace and feel attuned to yourself and the universe, then and only then should you beat your baby-maker and spit your man-goo all over your belly.

[Magnusrex]

You should eroctic novels I'm pitching a tent after that last chapter

[el_victorino]

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I actually did have some erotica published years ago. Stuff I wrote for a girlfriend was published by Yellow Silk, an erotica journal.

[MrGoutHimself]

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I couldn't believe this was finally happening to me...

[el_victorino]

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My favorite Penthouse letter went something like this:

Dear Penthouse:
I never thought this would happen to me. I was listening to music in my apartment when I heard a knock on the door. It was Marcy, by beautiful, big-breasted, blond neighbor. Her hair was wet, and she was just wearing a robe. I could see the outline of her perky, firm breasts under the terrycloth robe. She said to me "Hey, I'm trying to study. Could you turn the music down." I said "Sure." Then she left.

[el_victorino]

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Just bumping a very old post. If you're single during Covid, you'll want to leave all your options open.

[el_victorino]

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Ditto here.