One Million Post

[Expletive]

Fuck no, Fuck no, they canned Caprica. Fuck you Scifi.


Let's look at some awesome cunny to help with our infinite sadness which is due to the cancellation of another awesome show, by the evil board of fuckers, aka, scifi.




Scarlett Johansson the German , is supposedly hot. But I don't get it, and it isn't because I haven't tried to figure out what makes her hot. And it isn't because I've never fucked cunny, and is still a virgin. I just don't get it. Why the fuck is she so special again? Some fuckers called this bit of fluff a goddess. Then yea, she's a goddess---no she isn't. Maybe it's because she fucks good. As if any of us losers would ever know how this broad fucks. Maybe it's because she captures the past elegance that Hollywood had decades ago. Or maybe it's because we're so desperate, that any semi-whats it mucken fuck, gets us hot and sweaty. In any event, she's not as hot as they say she is.
Has the pain of Caprica's cancellation eased up a bit? Not for me either. I'm still hurting.





It's J-Wwooow, what the fuck!!!! She's an awesome bit of cunny, even if her boobs are fake, and she looks simple. I'm so desperate, I'd suck any cunny bleed. Even one belonging to J-wwoow. She's not a tranny is she, because she looks like a tranny. And I don't want to have a tranny dick in my mouth. Not that I'm knocking you lot that likes tranny dick. But for goodness sake don't suck the dick of a dude looking tranny or a regular dude, because then, you'd be gay.





Curvaceous goddess brightest sky, i'll suck her cunny 'til It's dry, until it's dry I'll over cum, in her ass to chew dimpled bum, and chewing pleasures seek her pie, cottage cheese or cellulite skies, in any event i'll suck her splendor, this awesome princess of endless wonders.

I'm feeling a bit better, though it still hurts. Caprica---*sob*.




By by love, I see your bum, between those mounds, I want to cum. Cum cum aplenty, ten ten wood, in your moistened cherry,her fatness is good.

I'm nearly there, nearly there. I'll overcome, I'll overcome.



What the fuck is this shit? Jennifer Garner's ass crack? Fuck me, I'm miserable again. Fuck you scifi fuck you!!!!!


Stargate Universe though is getting better, if you lot don't watch, you should. Because it has lesbians, and alien anal cavity insertions, and aliens putting their blue dicks in girls mouth to reprogram their brains. Good shit. Except for the lesbian bit, because they're sort of butch looking. Not hot in the slightest or the least.

[Expletive]

Have you seen anything more ridiculous than this outfit? And the way she's holding that mike, looks as if she's about to gobble a dick.



I like it when people say that we're dead beats for calling these people dead beats. And how we wish we were as awesome as they are. Fuck that dumb shit. When I'm joking around and I'd say, Kim K is more awesome than this one or that one, that's just me talking dumb shit. But in reality, they're as fucking sad as we are. I don't know about you lot, but I know I'm fucked up, and a loser, but if you think these people are better than we are, then you're fucking retarded. If they're so awesome, then why the fuck are they so unhappy? Answer, because having shit doesn't make you happy, and being famous doesn't make you happy, you have to make yourself happy, even if you're not. So I can make fun of this chow chow ding dong fabrication, all I want. Because she's as important to me as a bit of skeet that erupted from my dick when I watched a BBW get double tapped by a BBC; my towel caught that skeet, and it's probably already dried by now.




This is Rhianna, and there are literally no words, though I can add she hasn't look better, if you think she has ever looked good. But fuck her if she believes she's a trend setter, because Madonna's been doing this blase bullshit for almost thirty years, so it's old, so if Rhianna wants to impress me, wear regular clothing for a fucking month, because at the moment, she's running neck to neck with gaga and keisha for looks that's completely fucking stupid---ironically, Keisha thanks Rhianna for being her major influence in dress and acting like a complete crack whore. Wonders never cease, and shit like this is what's wrong with the world today; it's like a circle jerk; one destitute gets off watching another fiend, who inspires another demon, and all of them are blowing their wads on the other one's hands and dicks. Vomit worthy, truly vomit worthy.

I'm feeling like a proper fuck you today, after missing Fuck You Tuesday for a long long time. And mood swings and misplaced attempts at playing my guitar aside, I've had an unusual couple of weeks. No doubt, I'm dying even faster in slow motion, and I'm not loving it, I hope I make it to see my 34 in December and 340.000,000,000,000,000,000,000 in a "minute", so let's pray ya'll, and if ya'll really hope and pray I live to see that and more, I'll light a candle in ya'll memory every eon or so. otherwise FUCK OFF!

edit: I forgot to link the image, it truly is fuck you tuesday, or maybe it's because of just watching SGU, Stargate Unvierse, powerful episode it was. you should watch, but knowing you lot, you probably watched that gay club bukkake love show glee, so fuck glee watchers, SGU is a man's man show, even if it's depressing. I like depressing.

[Expletive]

BRING BACK SGU YOUS FAGGOTS, FUCK YOU SYFY!!!!! I'LL NEVER WATCH YOU OR YOUR PARENT COMPANY AND WILL FOREVER DOWNLOAD YA'LL SHIT!




SUCH GRACE AND BEAUTY STARGATE UNIVERSE HAD, MUCH LIKE BREE OLSON.



SO MUCH PURPOSE, EVEN WHEN IT WAS ON THE SHITS IT WAS STILL ADORABLE AND BEARABLE, MUCH LIKE BREE ON THE SHITS



THIS IS THE SHIP IN QUESTION

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=PNGcQ8tJIv4

THIS IS RUSH EXPLAINING DESTINY SOME WHAT BUT FIRST, LOOK AT THE TITS!



The above image was posted by our own Max Bailey and here's the thread, some awesome bits of awesome cunny if you ask me, though it's doubtful any of these beauties will be seeing my beast, and by my beast i mean my fucking face; i'm hideous. And not so much my five inch dick, which makes me some what of a ....aw fuck it!

Here's the thread: http://forum.drunkenstepfather.com/s...=35408&page=14

Rush explaining Destiny

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=O9L97...eature=related

Now for my rant; I feel worthless, purposeless, pointless, uninterested, disjointed, jaded, bored, depressed, sad, lonely, tepid and partially credulous. Maybe it's the hole in my spirit where my faith should be, maybe I'm just fucking damaged, maybe it's fate, or maybe its how I really am, and I should learn to do all things in this state of perpetual depression. Waves of self loathing washes over me, and I want out of everything. But that part of me that is credulous demands I believe in the light at the end of the fucking hole; even if that light reveals stakes to impale my rotted flesh. Credulousness reassures, that even in that moment, with a terrible death immanent, at least I will not perish in the dark. Fucking hilarious. Wish I had a bit of cunny to sniff at my whim, or for her pleasure, to take my mind from this sadness. But I guess, there's none to be had since, I'd have to lose my virginity to claim one.

[Expletive]

I've thought about it, and writing a million post could very well backfire; sure it'll put Hayzeus on the map, but who the fuck would read a million post? And me being a pretending pretentious asshole couldn't necessarily make each post about bullshit or place one or two letters. That would be fucking cheating, and though I'm a tall smelly fat blacker than black muthafucka with a five inch penis, I am not a cheater. So for the next six hours I'm going to post a hundred post, and it's going to be a story I would have just made up. Sure it'll probably suck, but I intend to make it as salacious as possible seeing as how I'm a virgin who has never fucked, and writing about dick in cunny is a private pleasure of mine--- that and masturbating to porn; and dreaming of how cunny smells regardless of it's states; even if it's filled with yeast cheese curds and milk duds.

Since I'm spamming Stargate and it's related characters, my story will be about two people about to die on board the Stargate Universe Ship Destiny 9 billion light years away from it all, on the far side of the galaxy, and the ship is being attacked by something that's fucking over the crew, and a tall black, some what fat mutha fucka and a crew member named Jessica Layman is attempting to ascend to a higher plane through sex, to escape the eventual death.

Edit: i'll post pictures when I get the okay from Admin that their host won't dump them for crossing the streams.

[Expletive]

Firstly, the how and the why, the most boring part of the story, but after this, It'll be gory for about twenty post, and then the last eighty or so will be salacious and nasty. I'll even throw in the yeast cheesy goodness. I've typed this bit thus far, the rest will take a bit longer to construct, but I'll do my best.


Paul Howard stood on the observation deck of Destiny and looked at the luminescent blue that constituted the Faster than light aura associated seemingly with only Destiny, and marveled at it's celestial beauty. Like blue fire it lapped around the massive ship, and continuously moved as if it was liquid: an ever present seemingly exotic globules of blue fire. The age and size of Destiny alone struck awe in Howard, who just two years before, knew nothing of the SGC or it's many projects, nor did he realize how many times the earth almost got destroyed by powers beyond imagination, wielded by beings infinitely worse than anything his nightmares could fabricate. But once introduced into the SGC
(Introduction into the SGC HOW :while searching the shores of one of the Bahama Islands for jewelry dropped by tourist, Howard happened upon a piece of a Wraith dart, namely most of it, and upon publishing his photos online, and asking for funds to help him dig it out of the sand and for transportation, Howard was beamed aboard the General Hammond and asked the location of the Wraith dart, Howard not being that thick, was able to put 2 and 2 together and asked to be a part of all of this, or he'd never tell them where it was. Col Samantha Carter called General O'neil and General O'Neil was beamed on board the ship, and upon meeting Howard--- who was a regular guy--- who had no skills of which to speak of, the General asked Howard what he could do. Howard said firmly that he could clean, and O'Neil said that he was hired---since cleaning was designated to military personel, and they never did anything properly, and from then on Howard was on board the General Hammond. He told his mother that he was going to a secret monitoring base in the North Pole for the United States, but that he'd contact her regularly. His mom didn't mind really since Howard was 37years of age, and wasn't married or with kids like her other children, and it was nice that her son was doing something fantastic, and the two thousand she received monthly was able to take care of all their bills and then some.), like a new born in need of sustenance, greedily, Paul devoured every scrap of information he was allowed to see on all the celestial players, from the snake like Goa'uld to the god like Ori, and all in between. And almost immediately, Howard asked his Handler Captain Jessica Layman United States Air Force, if he could serve on Atlantis. Howard assured her that he'd try his best to clean every toilet in the entire city if they allowed him to go there. But Howard was instead assigned to the Icarus base. And upon meeting Nicholas Rush; who was rude, abbrassive and couldn't be bothered with anyone other than his support staff, Howard looked up to him (or down at him since Howard was 6'4" tall weighing 320lbs and is as black as night). Though Rush was almost always rude, Howard still cleaned his room, and took his clothes to the laundry. And that's when Howard's education began. Rush would leave dozens of scraps of paper with data and information, and Howard would read these. Though Howard was a wannabe polymath, he hadn't the focus or the determination to put in the study hours to make himself better. So he'd surface read enough information to be familiar with the topic, but not enough to be intimately associated with it. All that changed when they got stranded on the far side of the Universe, and Howard who always remained in a state of perpetual depression, and would have to reach incredibly hard to do the simpliest of things---even things he liked, found great joy when he fell through the gate. The the other 80 odd fellow crew members would disagree, Howard suddenly felt a surge of exhuberence he hadn't felt before, and no day was a bad day for him; listlessness, depression, weakness, lack of focus, all of these were gone. What remained was a centrailized being, like a child in the candy shop, and Howard couldn't help but think of the Movie Pandorum, and felt that this is what Pandorum meant; less the rape, murder and general insidiousness. Jessica Layman who was also assigned to Icarus, didn't share Howard's ethusiasm, and almost always complained. Howard understood why she felt as she did, so he did everything in his power to make her time on Destiny pleasant. Howard loved Jessica as if she was his sister, and told her as much repeatedly, which was out of character for Howard who hadn't told any one anything remotely endearing due to the layers of bad feelings he always had, and his usual negative out look on life. But here, infinitely far from everything, Howard felt like a new man, unplugged from what he was, with a potential to be something more, if not greater. Greater and better, for each day was a new day of adventure, even though the last few months has been deadly, but, for Paul Howard formerly of Nassau Village Nassau Bahamas, living on a starship billions of years of time away from earth, every moment of danger only spoke of the divinity of his circumstance, and the celestial truth of his state since, Paul saw all of it as a gift from God, and any thing and everything was, and is, an opportunity to show God his appreciation. Paul like any man on board the ship, and few if not most of the women, shared porn and other such suspect material to either pass the time, or to releave the sexual burdens extreme circumstances and or stresses of this type usually inccurs.

[Expletive]

A few stranglers found their way from their many cubbyholes which they spent most of their time, to look out into the electrical blue and reflect, or perhaps regret, that they had boarded the massive vessel. Paul noticed among them his friend Jessica Layman, and in that moment, his mind reflected on her. Jessica had auburn hair, but was actually blond. The color of her hair now had two shades due to the new hair freshly grown, and the auburn dye which was there before. Paul Howard had seen many things like that through out the ship with everyone. Or mainly with civilians, the military portion of the crew, kept themselves looking and nearly smelling the same. People smelled a lot riper than they would've ordinarily, and most of them had rashes whenever they used the toiletries manufactured post Destiny. So when their rationed deodorants and soap ran out, they simply refused to use any supplements, and would bathe in hot water three to four times a day. The water used for bathing was recycled so no harm done. Jessica like many others would walk about Destiny moping of lives left behind, and would accomplish nothing. Paul tried his best to breathe new life into daily activities by discreetly sharing porn with those who wanted it. Also because he would clean for the alpha staff and now the alpha crew, he offered to clean quarters and do laundry. Specifically he wanted to do all this for Jessica, but when she said 'no' he quickly offered it to others who needed someone to look out for them; the media content and the cleaning services. Not only did he peddle smut, but also regular movies and music. After the Lucian alliance invasion, and Jessica thought they were all going to die. Jessica asked for porn to distract her mind; Layman liked cunny eating videos, and for a time, Howard thought she was gay, that was until she asked for pussy monster videos with dudes doing the eating. Paul the classic version may have looked at this and thought nothing of it; so dampened was Paul Howard that any sexual conversations with the opposite sex would be avoided. But since boarding Destiny, Paul felt no qualms about discussing male and female anatomy, or actually being a smut peddler. Some one joked that he'd forsaken the Creator by becoming the smut king, but Paul told his naysayers about wicked king Manasseh who had killed his own children via sacrifice, and led the nation of Israel into worshiping false gods, but was ultimately forgiven when he repented and merited forgiveness.

(I could alter my post as I see fit, and I'm breaking with the constant story bit through out because I'm an asshole. What the fuck is this shit about, I'm talking about Baby Doc returning to Haiti. Doesn't he realize that if he goes down there and cause shit, more refugees is going to come here. What an asshole; willing to cause civil war just to get back in power. People always ask what is up with Haiti, I tell them to ask fucking France for telling other nations not to trade with Haiti until they paid back trillions of francs France lost due to Haiti's democracy)

[Expletive]

(I gotta do better than that bit of greasy shit I posted previously, even though I'm fucking tired and fucking bored, and want to do something else. So I'm kicking shit into high gear, but being a pretending asshole, I gotta flesh these fuckers out a bit more. I'm staying the fuck away from Alpha crew members and will keep this shit just with the support crew.)

Jessica was using a pseudo-aspirin remedy to help relieve a tooth ache, but it wasn't strong enough, so she had to mix it with moonshine. Jessica had lost some weight because of the constant vomiting she had whenever she mixed the two. And trying to eat the food lately left a lot to be desired. She confided in Paul, but mostly about her husband and child she'd left behind, and how she'd never see them again. Paul wondered about Jessica's husband since she said minimal things about him, but only seemed to talk about the kid, thus, intrigued, Howard asked to hear about him. And for the next several months, Jessica spoke of her husband on several occasions, sometimes repeating things Paul had heard before. Even though she shared, Paul felt she was hiding something, or leaving gaps in her recounts. A few days previous, Howard and Jessica sat down talking about her family staring at the blue ship aura and Jessica scratched her crotch and cried out in shame after she did it. Paul assured her that it wasn't a big deal. But Jessica still left the mess hall. Later that evening Paul found Jessica on the observation deck and she told him about the harsh mixtures that substitutes for toiletries, and how they caused nasty rashes. "I have stinky pussy!" Exclaimed Jessica Layman suddenly, shocking other observers, and causing a few to leave. Paul told her bluntly that it didnt' matter because he was in love with Jessica, and he would always love her, and he'd give anything to be hers even though he was a black, ugly man who was too tall and had a small penis, he apologized and said he understood if she wouldn't talk to him anymore, and that he'd never speak of it again, because some day she'll get home to see her family. Jessica stopped Howard from walking away and asked if he had any new movies to give her. Howard asked her if he could speak bluntly and Jessica laughed loudly; "C'mon Paul, I just told you I have a stinky snatch and you said you'd love me forever, I'm sure we're way past blunt, so out with it."
"Did your Husband ever perform oral sex on you?" Though seemingly out of place, Paul asked because of Jessica's love of cunnilingus videos, which was surprisingly rare because other women on board who Howard had heard were in relationships; most were straight with one or two who were gay said that, their partners ate the awful goodness of cunny. And these women didn't necessarily ask for porn that dealt with cunnilingus but wanted videos about shemales, and strap-ons and DTD and anal. Jessica Layman smiled sheepishly,
"No Paul he didn't," said Jessica and she reached beneath her skirt and scratched her crotch, which prompted Paul to take her hand and kiss her fingers as she brought them out for air. Jessica got up and left without a word. Paul knew she needed time, and decided to give it to her.
Days since, Paul hardly saw Jessica, and she didn't answer the door when he went to it. But the previous day when he went to her door, he found a bunch of clothes to be washed, and Paul quickly took it to the bathing facilities and cleaned everything of hers, using the lime liquid they developed for cleaning. And upon completion, he placed her clothes on heating vents that blew steam up through various channels from the ships massive engines which heated the bathing tank, which caused the steam to condense into water, to repeat the process. Upon returning her clothing, he knocked and quickly walked away, hiding down the hall as she dragged her clothing into her room, as she coughed, Paul's heart sank; with all his clarity and focus, he was losing himself because of this woman, and he desperately tried to wring his mind free of her. Grabbing some linen from his quarters, he spent the night sleeping on the observation deck, the first person to do so. And Paul slept soundly, until, Dr Rush woke him up and asked him if he wanted to go back to his quarters due to his snoring. Paul apologized and Rush told him not to worry about it. Rush thanked him for all the times he'd cleaned his room back at the Icarus base, and for doing his laundry, and for studying his notes in an attempt to understand him. Rush tapped him on his shoulder and told him to get some sleep, and then he left. Paul wanted to answer, but he felt incredibly tired and fell back to sleep, only to awaken to the brightest blue as the ships blue aura seemingly got brighter. Paul stood up, and watched intently, as Jessica and others came in, having seen the intense blue through their port windows.

[Expletive]

(Nassau Bahamas sucks, it's too boring, give me Canada, please some one make me a Canadian citizen, let me be where it's cold, and there is lots of wilderness. I'd even learn to speak french, seriously---I'm getting really tired and really bored, and I haven't even posted four post yet.)


Two soldiers walked in, and Paul looked towards them as they looked out at the Observation bay windows, horrified. Over their radios;
"No sir Colonel Young, we don't see any stars sir." The other officer shouted into his radio.
"Colonel there's something on the other side of the shield trying to force it's way in." On the radio some one's voice broke in.
"....zzzkkrttt.....impossible, we're still in FTL. It sounded like Eli, but Howard couldn't be sure. Eli traded with Howard as well, but after losing his Lucian girlfriend, he basically wanted nothing to do with anything, other than flying the ship, or spending time on the bridge doing equations. So Paul left him alone, but now Eli sounded very concerned. Rush voice came over the Radio.
"Don't leave FTL, I'm in the chair room, and I'm locked in, but please, don't leave FTL it's the only thing keeping that thing out." Shouted Rush in his heavy Scottish accent.
" Vulker, what the hell are you doing," It was Eli, and then Paul heard Vulker's voice say something about the black nebula cloud is overheating the engines. And with that they leave FTL, immediately everything goes dead. Destiny is a glorious jewel in FTL, in Battle or at rest, it glows slightly yellow due to it's shields, but with no power, it took on a ghastly appearence, and looking out through the observation windows, the black nebula didn't seem black anymore, but almost a dark purple, as it congealed around the now dead vessel. Like the darkness of a mouth about to swallow a large dick.


(I planned to type much more than this, but on account of me being bored and porn, I'm having trouble, stay tuned. I'm promising not to get too involved in researching, but it's getting dangerously close, I gotta put more effort into this boring bullshit.)

[Expletive]

(okay this is my fifth post since I spoke bullshit earlier, and I'm bored and more interested in researching than posting dull boring un interesting shit. But we're approaching the fuck all point of the story so here goes)

Jessica Layman hurdles towards Paul who takes her into his arms, though the situation feels dire, and frightening for everyone, Howard remains uncharacteristically calm. And a part of his mind started to feel afraid because of it. Just behind him came a familiar Voice.
"Don't you believe all of this to be be evidence of Providence?" The unmistakable Scottish accent rang out, startling Paul. Who was about to respond, but after seeing no one else react, he remained silent. His mind reeled, was this all a dream? Rush walked towards him and smiled.
"No I'm not a dream, I'm the ships computer, and ever since you boarded my vessel, I've been able to contact you." Paul realized that talking was unnecessary so he continued with but one question; was the computers core biological or something else.
"Let's say, it's a bit of both, and leave it at that," responded the fabrication of Dr Rush.

(I'm looking at some proper cunny poking vids here mates, and continuously thinking to type is becoming tedious, I'm ready to lube the fuck up and ho down this mutha-fucka)

Paul felt Jessica's grip tighten as the two officers moved towards the door which was sealed. As they tried to open it, Rush walked directly in front of Paul and pointed into the corner.
"I'm going to generate a subspace field in that corner, it should protect you from what's about to happen, but you must stay in that corner and not move from it." Paul looked into the little corner that was big enough to hold him and Jessica, and thought of the other twelve people in the room.
"My calculations assures me they won't reciprocate in time, since that things on board and will move fast enough to devour all life on board Destiny."

[Expletive]

The Rush fabrication looks intently worried.
"WE don't have much time, tell you what, tell Jessica to look into the corner quickly," commands Rush and immediately in the corner, a bluish hue appears. Paul holding Jessica firmly spins Jessica into the direction of the corner.
"Jessica do you see that," ask Paul quickly. Jessica looks at the blue energy distortion in disbelief.
"Yes I do, what is it?"
"No time to explain," said Paul, and he pulled her into the corner, the blue glaze shimmered around them, and for all intents and purposes, they vanished from sight. The fabrication of Rush spoke to Jessica and immediately she turned her head towards him.
"Jessica since you're in my No Field, I can communicate with you as well." Jessica looked up at Paul who still held her firmly.
"It's the ship's computer." Rush 2.0 puts his fingers to his lips and tells them that whatever happens, they must remain quiet. And then he vanishes.
"Is he gone," Hisses Jessica, but before Paul could answer, the guards calls for some one else to assist as they pull the doors open to reveal a rush of black smoke which boils into the room screaming and shrieking like nothing they've ever heard. In an instant, it grasp every one it senses in the room and pulls them towards the door way, their screams fill the air, along with smells of excrement and blood. Jessica wanted to scream but instead vomited onto Paul, who held her even tighter so as not to allow her retching to be heard by whatever had just in an instant, devoured everyone it 'saw'.