Random Joke Thread

[NookieJunkie]

How many Africans does it take to screw in a lightbulb?
Six: one to screw it in and five to dance for no fucking reason.

[maxbailey]

What's the best thing about fucking twentyeight year olds?

There's twenty of them.

[MrGoutHimself]

How did the priest make the boy cry a second time?

He wiped his shitty dick on the teddy bear.

How are women and tornadoes alike?

They both moan like hell when they come, and take the house when they leave.

There was an elderly man who wanted to make his younger wife pregnant. So, he went to the doctor to have a sperm count done. The doctor told him to take a specimen cup home, fill it, and bring it back the next day. The elderly man came back the next day and the specimen cup was empty and the lid was on it. Doctor: What was the problem? Elderly man: Well, you I tried with my right hand...nothing. So, I tried with my left hand...nothing. My wife tried with her right hand...nothing. Her left hand...nothing. Her mouth...nothing. Then my wife's friend tried. Right hand, left hand, mouth....still nothing. Doctor: Wait a minute. You mean your wife's friend too?! Elderly man: Yeah, and we still couldn't get the lid off of the specimen cup.

[NookieJunkie]

The pie that was just hurled toward Rupert Murdoch was made from a recipe hacked from Betty Crocker's cell phone.

[NookieJunkie]

It's always the billionaires who get free pie just thrown at them. Capitalism is unfair.


I like how news websites are making a point to say Murdoch was hit with "foam" not "pie" to pretend they still have "journalism degrees."

[NookieJunkie]

I said to my two-year-old son, "Now, what noise does a cat make?"
"Miaow!"
"Good, but do you know what noise a dog makes?"
"Woof woof!"
"That's right! Now tell me what noise a cow makes?"
"David, if you even think about going out to that fucking pub with your friends then you can forget about ever being let back in this house!"

That's my boy.



My wife gets really annoyed when I use the word 'cunt.'
I suppose she's got a point, I really should make the effort to learn her mother's real name.

[NookieJunkie]

"Thats It Honey! Just A bit Longer, Come on Almost There, There we Go"
"See. Was it That Hard to make me A Sandwich?"


Last night I was having sex with my wife.
"Make love to me like they do in the films" She moaned.
So I fucked her in the ass, came all over her face & wrote 'cum-whore' on her fore-head.
Shortly after, she left me.
PornHub, I owe you one.