The future is unwritten, but I'm illustrating it now.
Join Date: Nov 2007
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Imagine this sweet vision of womanly perfection. Hot sultry summer day with only a slight breeze licking at her creamy skin (acres and acres of creamy white skin, like an elysian field of cottage cheese). Dancing with carefree abandon to "Miracles?" and all the other ICP songs that I don't know but I'm sure are equally as mystical and profound. You see her from a distance (really, she's hard to miss, even from space) and slowly edge your way through the crowd, deaf to their imprecations. "Fucking faggot." "I'll beat your ass." "Hey, it's Tila Tequila! Grab some feces!" You grow nearer, not sure if that pounding you feel in your chest is your heart, racing with the thought of new-found love, or the pulsating sounds of Dipshit Rock, which, come to think of it, may be why you were deaf to those imprecations earlier. The crowd parts for you and as you draw nearer, the warm sweet, summery smell of hot garbage wafts up from under her denim miniskirt. Her mesh T-shirt, surely not OSHA approved or stress tested, nevertheless holds in her bountiful flesh, away from your seeking fingers, but powerless to dispel your hungry gaze. You fancy yourself a suave lothario. "Dance with me," you say, with a slight self-deprecating grin on your face. She stares at you, uncomprehendingly, like a dog that's been shown a card trick. Emboldened by her nonreaction, you lean over and shout into her delicate, cauliflower ear. "Wanna fuck?" you shout. She nods, all six chins quivering delicately as she leads you by the forearm to the row of Porta Potties near the stage. Ever the gentleman, you hold open the door to the handicapped stall and as she slowly settles on top of you, engulfing you within her multitudinous folds of flesh, your last thought before you reach sweet, sweet ecstacy is "Fucking fat girls. How do they work?"
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I would have gotten away with it too, if it weren't for those meddling kids!
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After seeing the Jugalettes, I think that perhaps the facepainted virgins in the audience were a little harsh to Tila Nguyen. I don't feel sorry for the bitch, because that's what she wants.