Families Suck

[MrGoutHimself]

Story-time (since tomorrow is 2 years since mom died and next Friday is 1 year since dad died):

A few years back (2011 or so) my dad had a massive stroke. Because of this, my mom convinced him to sign her a durable power of attorney (after he had a DNR in place). He had another one within months and was still recovering when my mom had one. Mom called 911, the EMTs reported a hoarding situation (my sister and I had no idea because we hadn't been to their house in years) and the DSS for our state told them they couldn't stay. My wife and I let dad stay with us while mom was in the hospital and helped them find a nice senior apartment. Two weeks after they move in, my dad has to have a kidney removed because he has a tumor on it. Before he gets to go back to the apartment, he has another stroke, pnuemonia, and stays in either the ICU or a rehab place back and forth for almost a year or two. All this time (he has another stroke or two, and a seizure with one of them at one point), my mother refuses to acknowledge his DNR and even goes as far as having a feeding tube put in when one of his strokes causes him to be unable to drink reqular liquids (by the way, thickened liquids means your sweet tea is the consistency of watery jello and looks like diarrhea).

A couple of years go by with dad finally in a rehab/nursing home. Mom refuses to accept that he may pass and claims she can't live without him (she meant monetarily as dad was still getting his navy retirement pension and his social security retirement). Mom almost burns down the apartment building turning on the stove top instead of the oven while there's mail on top of the stove. Eventually, about 2.5 years ago, mom has a massive stroke and we're told by the hospital that she won't recover cognitively and would need a feeding tube (like she insisted dad have put in). My sister and I ask her about this and she shakes her head no on two occasions. Our only recourse is to commit to sending her to hospice. On 29 August 2018, my mom passed away (she was in hospice for 10 days).

Last year this time, I'm in Phoenix for business and I hear that my dad has gotten pneumonia and the nursing home and hospice doctors think it's viral. I come back to hear that's on the mend and go visit him, he looks worse than ever (he really didn't look the same the last 9 years or so of his life but 6 major strokes will do that to you). A few days pass where it seems he's getting better but then he takes a turn and on 4 September 2019, my dad passes (371 days after my mom).

When we get through probate and find out that my mom's desperate need for dad's money still left him close to $10,000 in his bank account (probably because she lost his check card about 6-8 months before she passed).

Anyhow, I say all this to let you know that the family you're born into is almost always a shit deal, and that as much as I like to pretend like I only experience moments of laughter and blinding white-rage anger, sometimes I get sad too. Everyone laugh at the sad clown now.

[MadamMeow]

You're a good guy for taking care of him. Sorry you got screwed, that is fucked up.

[MrGoutHimself]

The ironic thing was as mad as both my sister and I were at her for keeping him alive with no quality of life for years, I couldn't stay mad at her once she was dying. And I'm still sad they're both gone.

[MadamMeow]

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Of course. You still have a life time of surely better memories of her before all of that happened.

I lost mine at 17. Miss her everyday after all of these years. Thankful she was awesome and I have all good memories (excluding a few of my groundings lol) at least.

What I hate is that by not having kids, I took care of my step dad and my husband still takes care of an uncle and both of us will have no one to return the favor when we get up in age there.