Tron Legacy 2.0 will be a pile of Donkey Shit. Why will Tron 2.0 be a bunch of donkey shit? Well true believers, the first Tron was a pile of Donkey shit. I'm 34 years old December 5, and around the age of eight or nine, I learned of the existence of Tron. All thanks to some show or the other hosted by Leonard Nimoy or something similar, which ever the case, I was able to gleam a behind the scenes of Tron's making, or a report on it's existence, and shortly thereafter, I forgot it ever existed. Now, in those days, I was a scifi asshole; I loved the shit. I read every starwars mag that I could find, or heavy metal magazine that I "borrowed" from my uncle's, so trust me, science fiction was in my blood; I watched lost in space, star trek, buck rogers (though I can't remember a diddly fuck about it), six million dollar man, Dr Who---though ZNS only ever aired the Tom Baker serials, which I loved (it's pronounced ZED N S fuckers, we used the Canadian term back then, and still do)---Jason of star command, Battle Star Galactica (I hated the original BSG, and I watched it before I knew what Star Wars was), The Ark Show and Invaders. The first actual science fiction movie I ever watched was demon seed and Critters, followed by Return of the Jedi (which blew me the fuck away) and Invaders from Mars. And after that, I saw Dune (which become my favorite science fiction movie of all time, and the books are to die for). All this was around 1985-1987
Tron was of no interest then, and all the talk of a video game dimensions seemed no more complicated than an episode of Spiderman and his amazing friends with Video game man. In the late 80's I watched Empire, and had to borrow Return again to enjoy the movie in sequence. Until that time, I'd only saw portions of Empire and Star wars a new hope, so I didn't appreciate any of it until, I watched Empire and Return together. I also watched Predator around this time, and that shit was one of my favorites, and remains my most favorite action movie. Before Predator came along, I thought Chuck Norris was the greatest action star of all time, and this was after seeing Commando and Rambo. In 1990, I watched a lot of B movie science fiction, but among the many, the most memorable, was the A-list Blade Runner, and Aliens, not to mention, 2001 a space odyssey (I rubbed out a few to Sigourney Weaver during that time, and also once or twice to Chani, the beautiful lady opposite Harrison Ford in Blade Runner, and Kyle Mcnugget in Dune). Juggies video provided all sorts of B movie cheese tastic films, a great many of them I can't remember, but they were entertaining. Among these, I Come In Peace and Hardware, not to mention an Alien rip off staring Jan Michael Vincent. In those days, I couldn't afford a disc or tape player, and the only thing we ever seemed to have was a VCR, so my two dollars a day for lunch was always saved to rent video tapes; three bucks for seven days our two bucks if you brought them back in four days. If you paid five dollars for two, you could rent a third one for a dollar. So I got to watch a lot of science fiction movies, and it still hadn't occurred to me to watch Tron. Not even the Lawn Mower man pushed me into cyber technology. Fuck, I watched the three aquas, in those days, the brilliant movie the abyss, the fantastic leviathan, and the watchable, deep star six.
The coming of the internet caught everyone in the Bahamas that I knew of, or heard from by surprise. So any concept of a virtual nexus in cyberspace was never considered. We thought the next big thing would be the transfer of electricity through gold lines instead of copper, to make the transfer of power more efficient. We understood naught fuck about gold's melting point, or the concept of use it or lose it power distribution. I hadn't watched Weird Science until 1995, and around the same time, Hackers. So the concept of a phone line interactive communication was culpable, but I still remained ignorant to it's potential, and so did a lot of other people here. Of course others new of the net, but fuck me if they shared that with the public. Watching Ghost in the shell and others revealed the concept of a virtual existence, but I still thought it was more fiction than science. It wasn't until 1996, that I was exposed to the internet, and it wasn't until January 1997 that I discovered cyber porn, which eventually led to me talking with some folks on Broad Cast Chat 1 and 2, and in our discussions, the concept of a virtual cyber world was touched upon, and again, some one said to watch Tron. So, I didn't, and time flew by like wayward skeet. Recently, G4 had Tron on, and I decided, I'd sit down, and watch it. And boy did it suck. Not to long ago, I watched Starman, and it was a powerful, and beautiful bit of film making. Tron was just a pile of Donkey shit. I watched a powerful movie called Duck You Sucka, a spaghetti western it was, absolutely beautiful, the ending was sad and awesome. Tron was just a pile of Donkey Shit. I watched it again on G4, and it still was a pile of Donkey shit. When I was younger, and I'd seen images of Tron, I always thought it was animated using black cray paper and chalk, for the life of me I can't say why I thought that way, but that was my reaction. And thankfully I didn't watch it then, unfortunately, I watched it, and it was a pile of Donkey shit. I'll give Tron the original disaster a C-
Tron Legacy 2.0 is due in theaters soon.
Some horses died before the race began, only their legs didn't realize it until they stunk to high heaven. Tron Legacy 2.0 looks cheesier than the original and it's going to stink. Do yourselves a favor, and watch re-runs of Stargate Universe, followed by porn, that's all I ever do. Hey, if I'm wrong, I'll suck on Olivia Wilde's poop holder before and after she shat, I'd even sniff her fart smells.