nice one Pendragon - well, nice 2 actually
here's a triple shot to beat your double
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Van der Merwe had never been out of South Africa before and was visiting Bondi Beach, Australia.
He spotted a long line of black dots out in the water and said to an Aussie, who was sitting close by,
"What are all those little black things out there?"
"They're buoys," said the Aussie. "Boys?!" replied Van der Merwe. "What are they doing out there?"
"Holding up the shark net," the Aussie told him.
"Fucken great country this!" said the South African, deeply impressed. "We'd never get away with that at home!"
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HAROLD THE COMPUTER GUY
I was having trouble with my computer.
So I called Harold, the computer guy, to come over.
Harold clicked a couple of buttons and solved the problem.
He gave me a bill for a minimum service call.
As he was walking away, I called after him, "So, what was wrong?"
He replied, "It was an ID ten T error."
I didn't want to appear stupid, but nonetheless inquired,
"An ID ten T Error? What's that . In case I need to fix it again?"
Harold grinned... "Haven't you ever heard of an ID ten T error
Before?"
"No," I replied.
"Write it down," he said, "and I think you'll figure it out."
So I wrote it down.
I D 1 0 T
I used to like Harold
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A man goes into a pub, and the barmaid asks what he wants.
"I want to bury my face in your cleavage and lick the sweat from between your breasts" he says.
"You dirty git", shouts the barmaid, "get out before I fetch my husband."
The man apologises and promises not to repeat his gaffe.
The barmaid accepts this and asks him again what he wants.
"I want to pull your pants down, spread yoghurt between the cheeks of your arse and lick it all off" he says.
"You dirty filthy pervert. You're barred. Get out." she storms.
Again the man apologies and swears never ever to do it again.
"One more chance", says the barmaid. "Now what do.........you want ?"
"I want to turn you upside down, fill your fanny with Guinness, and then drink every last drop."
The barmaid is furious at this personal intrusion, and runs upstairs to fetch her husband, who's sitting quietly watching the telly.
"What's up, Love?", he asks. "There's a man in the bar who wants to put his head between my breasts and lick the sweat off" she says.
"I'll kill him. where is he?" storms the husband.
"Then he said he wanted to pour yoghurt down between my arse cheeks and lick it off" she screams.
"Right. He's dead" says the husband, reaching for a cricket bat.
"Then he said he wanted to turn me upside down, fill my fanny with Guinness and then drink it all" she cries.
The husband puts down his bat and returns to his armchair and switches the telly back on.
"Aren't you going to do something about it ?" she cries hysterically.
"Look love - I'm not fucking with someone who can drink 12 pints of Guinness !
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