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I've been reading some of my earlier post, and i can't believe no one actually realized just how fucking crazy I was (or am). Thankfully I'm safely numb (comfortably numb?), and I suffer a spark of mania, once or twice a week; and even then it's brief and dies a swift death before it gets out of hand. For me, especially now, Depression last a lot longer, but when I'm depressed, I'm incredibly sane; with no sparks of mania, or anything remotely strange. And trust me, they're times, I'm really fucking strange. Not that I do strange things, but I think strange things. Let's just say, there are days when I'm never bored. When I watched A Serbian Film, I was relieved when I watched a rape beheading scene, and got literally offended at what I was watching. Or that time I watched Irreversible and got upset at the scene where the fag (not a The Gay, but a dude, who acts as if he's gay, but he doesn't like to screw men in the ass, only shemales, and as far as I'm concerned, that shit's only pseudo Gay, so he's not a The Gay, he's a pseudo gay, aka a fag) rapes Monica Belluci's character anally, and beats her head into the concrete---that was tough to watch, and offended me greatly at the lack of concern for other people that bastard showed (and beating some one that looks like Monica is worst than a sin, it's unforgivable).
I think the problem with crazy people and the reason why they're always harming other people, is a lack of empathy; the ability to think, wonder, imagine, how another person would feel. For instance, when I yell at my family, and say disgusting things, I'm reminded by how their words sometimes cut me, and then I feel remorseful, and apologize (sometimes). Or when I want to punch some one's face in, I punch myself or hit my hand against a wall to remind myself that violence hurts and it's dangerous. When thoughts pop into my head to harm people, I simply tell those thoughts to fuck off. Or when for no reason, I feel like freaking out, I imagine it's the devil telling me to do this, and then I reciprocate; why didn't he freak out before he got Eve to sin (not saying it is him, but, It's simply an exercise to control myself). I have feelings, but I do my best to suppress them---and thank heavens, it's worked well for me lately.
I'm hoping to become a much better writer, so that when I write something salacious, almost immediately, girls wet their panties and The Gay gu----FUCK YOUUUUU!!!!!
This week, I felt like shit, Depression had me feeling like not giving a fuck, so, I didn't. But I tried to meditate, and I listened to something to get me going---the need to feel anarchy, but thanks to be being always chaotic, even the smooth sounds of Dying Fetus wasn't enough to inspire me. Ain't that fucked up, when suppose'd death metal is boring to me. But don't get me wrong, I listen to this even when I'm perfectly fine because I like the message Dying Fetus' Homicidal Retribution propagates: and I can't wait until one of you, My American friends, take this song to heart, and kill that fucker that killed that nine year old girl born on September 11 2001, shot that congresswoman---thank God she's recovering, and killed and injured several others.
I'll get back to writing SGU, but I just wanted to put this here because even though I haven't done the dirty ( had sex), when ever I'm here, I feel as if I'm well into my refractory period after skeeting in some awesome cunny bleed, with the ability of busting another nut, mere moments away---and the glans begins to inflate, rousting the sleeping curled up beast, from deep within her mighty awesome.
Dying Fetus' Homocidal Retribution
Don't mind the lyrics, I'll post the other version with the words just after this video. I hope it inspires you, like it's done for me, whenever I was bored. The skills required for these chords are phenomenal, they're awesome!