Lost my game....
 

So, the Worst Way To Die thread got me thinking (as a refresher, one of the poll options was "Alone").

I just got out of a six year relationship that ended pretty badly, and now, six months later I try to get back out there and find that I've totally lost my game. God DAMN this is annoying. All through senior high I was a fucking casanova, and now I can't even get a bar skank to go out with me. I'm still apt at liquoring women up for meaningless sex (just did on Friday, in fact), but that shit gets old. I'm looking for somebody to love, not wank and walk... but it seems I've completely lost it.

I fucked my way through high school (my greatest conquest being my math teacher's daughter AND her best friend, in two adjacent rooms, within ten minutes of each other, WHILE I was dating somebody else), finally getting serious with the girl I thought I'd marry halfway through senior year. I left for the Marines, she wated for me, I got back, and things were great... until they weren't. But I'm not going to bore you with that bullshit. Anyways, I'm trying to get back out there, but I'm striking out left and right, and when I don't, she's a fucking psycho. And I know this sounds cliche, but I'm getting sick of the bar scene too.

So... any advice from my favorite group of happy-go-lucky drunken asswranglers? How're the kids picking up women nowadays? (Keep in mind, the last time I picked up a woman was, back when Pokemon was popular.) I need tips. And for the record, even asking this is embarrassing enough, be gentle.

Walk around with your dick hanging out, that's sure to attract the ladies.

show a little dick neck?

Hell yeah, the more dick the better.

Now if only I could get the bouncers to see it your way.

Cant forget the bottom nut

and if they let moose knuckle in they should sure as hell let dick neck in and you can always do it with fishnet (mmm fishnet)

Get one of those loofa shower things, and scrub off the smell of desperation. Then apply for the next season of The Bachelor. Oh, and stop living back in high school. We know they were your Glory Years, but chicks could give a shit, Uncle Rico.

Never to late to transition!!!

My "girls" can lend you some coochie cutters and heels then you can begin your new life as an independent businesswoman.
Think of the freedom!!!

Just sayin....

Spray-on tan, spiked hair, pursed lips, and popped collar.

Draws 'em like flies....

Or you may consider having your arms surgically altered to T-Rex proportions. Works for Trips.....

Yes! Bitches love midget arms! Gets them more moist than a betty crocker cake.

BTW, you ever been jerked off by a midget? Does a lot for the ego