I was flying wingman for a buddy and took home a girl that had what I can only describe as briskets strapped to her hips, skinny waist and HUGE tits. She was so disproportionate it was almost comical. I will say this. She fucked like a rock star. I was tanked and kept up with her but I was worn out for about 2 days. I guess when your that ugly you take all you can get when the chance arises.

The next morning I woke up before her, vanished from the house like a ninja.

She's been a good lay for a few years now.

I had called off my wedding and dumped my fiance about 6 months prior. So here I am out with my bowling team partying all night and this chick (all 5'-0" and 250 pounds of her, below average looking) that had been chasing me volunteers to be our designated driver. At the end of the night I am conveniently the last one dropped off, just too loaded to notice next thing I know she got me shorts down and giving pretty good head. I wake up the next morning with her on top... I roll with it, trying not to puke, she finishes up goes to the bath and I bailed. Still don't remember anything of that night and she was telling everybody and anybody about that night. 10 years ago and my friends still bring that one up once in awhile.

About 7 or 8 years ago a buddy and I went to a bar just to get a couple of drinks. There was a girl sitting next to us that was bat shit crazy. Even the bar tenders were a little scared of her. She was mediocre at best. So as I kept drinking I started fucking with her asking her why she was so nuts. I told her that I thought crazy chicks were great in bed and I told her she should come home with me so I could see if it was true. On the way home I am making out with this chick in the back seat and my friend is looking at me in the rearview mirror like I was the crazy one. I can still see the look of disappointment on his face. I got her home, took her upstairs, stripped her down and started banging the shit out of her. As I found out quickly, not all crazy chicks are good in bed. She just laid there and would ask me every 5 minutes if I had a rubber on. I kept telling her “You’re fucking crazy, of course I have a rubber on.” So after I somehow finished, she wouldn’t leave. I tried to get my roommate at the time to get her out of there but she wouldn’t help me. I was in hell. She was dead asleep on my bed which I couldn’t figure out why she would be so tired since she barely moved the whole time I was fucking her. I slept on the couch and got her up at 6am the next morning and told her “I have got to get you the fuck out of here.” I had to drive her across town and she couldn’t remember where her friend’s house was that she was staying at. Between the drive over there and driving around looking for the house it was the longest and most uncomfortable 45 minutes of my life. She “left” her jacket with her money (turned out to be $4) and cell phone in it at my house and asked if we could go back and get it. I told her I would go home and bring it back to her. By the time I got home there were 10 missed calls on her cell phone, all from the same number. As I was checking it there was another call from the same number (obviously her) and she wanted to know if I was on my way back over to drop off her stuff. I told her there was no way I was going back over there and that if she wanted her shit back she could find my house (there was no way because when we left it was pitch black) and dig it out of the garbage.

Since then I have never taken a girl home from a bar.

Never went to bed with an ugly chick. Waking up with one is a whole different story...

Sad but true.

Ahahaha... good find Pen. Gumjob, eh? He was only missing 4 teeth, not all of them... :D

In high school, I couldn't get hot chicks if I paid them. So, I took whatever I could get. This red-headed skank named Nikki offered to fuck me, so I took her up on it. She had a decent face, but she was fat and unclean. She claimed that it was her first time, but having sex with her was like trying to throw a kilbasa down a hallway. And she smelled like the shithouse door on a tuna boat. I had to have 6 beers just to even consider it. I've never, EVER forgotten that night and thank God I never saw her again after high school. After I write this, however, I'm sure I'll run into her. That's just my luck.

Her odor will catch you when you least expect it.

lamo looks like you've chaffed her a bit