Your Favorite Act of Revenge?
 

I wanna hear some good stories about funny and/or awesome revenge you guys have unleashed upon worthy targets!

I have two that I was pretty proud of and I thought they were pretty funny too...

The first one happened after a friends roommate decided to just be a big bitch and rat us out for smoking pot in her room to the RA. We never ended up getting in trouble but I still thought that was totally uncool of her. So a week later I found out she was having a party.
I posted signs all around her building that said:

Megan "Rotten Crotch" Carbone is a Worthless Cum Dumpster


And, I also once ordered a pound of dog shit on the internet to be delivered to this girl that slashed my tires.

Let see what you guys got!!

This one douche bag kid in high school liked to throw his trash and empty cups in peoples cars who had their windows down...well one day he threw a full pop in my gf's seat, so me and a few buddies filled up a couple of cups of piss and completely soaked the inside of his truck...he cried, literally. Never once again did he throw trash in anyones rides....

NIIIICE hahaha soaking someone in piss always does wonders for overly inflated egos

I can't agree more....he wasn't so "cool" after that :cool:

had an ass of a boss who took credit for all of my work and blamed me for shit that I had no controll over...I had my wife write him a love letter thanking him for the great time last weekend (while he WAS out of town)and mailed it to his house with a pair of nicely scented used panties while he was out of town the next week...he was pretty stressed out for a couple of months...

HARDCORE!!!!!!!

i agree with doubledip... thats amazing

I was at a party in college at this apartment and one of the girls that lived there had a real asshole of a boyfriend. He really thought he was something special and was hitting on girls and giving all the guys at the party a lot of shit. I got that guy and 3 of my friends together to take shots. I had the pre-poured the shot glasses and gave asshole a shot of Summers Eve I found in the bathroom. He spent the rest of the evening throwing up.

Always smell a shot before taking it.

*note to self - start being much nicer to Shaz*

naaa, dude was fuckin with my job and therefore, my livelihood and my family. Needless to say, I now sit in his old office:D

Hahaha....drinking revenge....

One time this guy was being a douchebag, acting like he could beat anyone at chugging out of mugs...so we put a half a bottle of jose in with a beer and half of another....i walked up 2 pre poured mugs and said "i wanna take you on" he was like "bring it the fuck on!!!"(in a hardcore party tone of course) and well needless to say he won, only because i was laughing too hard and then I waited until someone else challenged him and he started throwing up in the cup...we told him the next morning and since then he hasn't wanted to chug anything since!!!!

Shast, thanks, cause I really HATE my boss...although we think he is already boinking some of the ladies (and maybe some men) in the office already.

I punch them in the mouth until they cry like a girl.

Okay, here goes:

I was sitting at my desk when I remembered a phone call I'd forgotten to make.

I found the number and dialed it.
A man answered, saying "Hello?"
I politely said, "This is (my name) with (my company). Could I please speak with Robyn Carter?"
Suddenly a manic voice yelled out in my ear "Get the right fucking number!" and the phone was slammed down on me.

When I tracked down Robyn's correct number to call her, I found that I had accidentally transposed the last two digits.

After hanging up with her, I decided to call the 'wrong' number again.

When the same guy answered the phone, I yelled "You're a fucking jerk!" and hung up. I wrote his number down with the word 'jerk' next to it, and put it in my desk drawer. Every couple of weeks, when I was paying bills or had a really bad day, I'd call him up and yell, "You're a fucking jerk!"

It always cheered me up.

When Caller ID was introduced, I thought my therapeutic jerk calling would have to stop.

So, I called his number and said, "Hi, this is Pat DuGroin from the telephone company. I'm calling to see if you're familiar with our Caller ID Program?"

He yelled "NO!" and slammed down the phone. I quickly called him back and said, "That's because you're a fucking jerk!" and hung up.

One day I was at the store, getting ready to pull into a parking spot. Some guy in a black BMW cut me off and pulled into the spot I had patiently waited for. I hit the horn and yelled that I'd been waiting for that spot, but the idiot ignored me. I then noticed a 'For Sale' sign in his back window, so I wrote down his number. A couple of days later, right after calling the first fucking jerk (I had his number on speed dial), I thought that I'd better call the BMW asshole, too.

I said, "Is this the man with the black Camaro for sale?"
He said, "Yes, it is...."
I asked, "Can you tell me where I can see it?"
He said, "Yes, I live at 34 Oaktree Blvd. , in Fairfax. It's a yellow rambler, and the car's parked right out in front."
I asked his name, He said Don Hansen.

I asked, "When's a good time to catch you, Don?"
He said, "I'm home every evening after five."

I said, "Listen, Don, can I tell you something?"
"Yes?"
I said, "Don, you're a fucking jerk!"

Then I hung up, and added his number to my speed dial, too. Now, when I had a problem, I had two jerks to call.

Then I came up with an idea.
I called Asshole #1.
I said, "You're a fucking jerk!"... but didn't hang up.

He asked, "Are you still there?"
"Yeah."
He screamed, "Stop calling me!"
I said, "Make me."
He asked, "Who are you?"

I said, "My name is Don Hansen."
He said, "Yeah? Where do you live?"

I said, "Jerk, I live at 34 Oaktree Blvd , in Fairfax, a yellow house with a black V8 Camaro parked out front."

He said, "I'm coming over right now, Don.
And you had better start saying your prayers."
I said, "Yeah, like I'm really scared, asswipe" and hung up.

Then I called Asshole No. 2.
He said, "Hello?"
I said, "Hello, asshole ."
He yelled, "If I ever find out who you are...."
I said, "You'll what, kill me?"
"Maybe I will" he said.
I answered, "Well, asshole, here's your chance.
I'm coming over right now."

Then I hung up and immediately called the police, saying that I lived at 34 Oaktree Blvd , in Fairfax , and that my gay lover was on his way over to kill me.

Whooooa
 

DONT EVEN GET ME STARTED!!

haha i have some good ones!

Case #1 - I bought my sister a cool ring from this artsy store in a strip mall for her birthday. All the stuff they have there is really expensive but this ring only cost around $150 or so. Well my sister had it for one day and the stone in it fell out! So we went back and asked if we could exchange it and they WOULDNT! I bought the ring the day before and they said since those rings were hand crafted that we should have been careful with it.

No amount of reasoning would work and the owner was being kind of a bitch. I was so furious that i thought about what to do for a while and came up with a plan. Thanksgiving day night i went to that store and squirted EPOXY into the front door keyhole and went around back and did the same.

Drove by the next day about an hour after opening time and they were still not open and there was a locksmith truck there. Busiest day of the year too.

I am pretty sure that replacing those locks and the locksmith charge cost them more than $150.


Case #2 - My mother is a real estate developer and we own apartment complexes. Well one time we had a real bitch of a tenant in one of the apartments. She was a bartender and would come home really late and be really loud and wake up the other tenants. She always parked in the handicapped parking because it was closest to her apartment.

After repeated notices and warnings to no avail i waited til she came home late one night and I took a potato and stuck it in her tailpipe and spray painted the end black so you couldnt see it. She couldn't start her car the next day and got it towed to a mechanic.

After that i "encouraged" all her immediate neighbors to file a formal complaint to our office. If we get 3 formal complaints we evict (it's in our lease). Needless to say we got 3 quick formal complaints after i told her neighbors about that policy. :D

haha, I've done that one too, a potato stays in the tailpipe much better than a banana....

In high school, my buddy and I were sitting around his work. It was really slow, so we were looking at old applications. A friend of ours had put one in.

I got not so nice of an idea. I knew she wasn't home, so I gave her house a call. Her mom answered...

Mom...Hello?

Me...Hi, this is Jeff from Totally Nude Cabret. Denise put in an application as a dancer, but we need to verify her age.

Mom...SHE DID WHAT??

Me...Ok, I can take it from your reaction that she is not 18. Would you let her know that her audition was excellent and as soon as she turns 18, she can have a job here anytime.

Mom...:screams something unintelligible in the phone: *click*

When we saw her the next day, she was so pissed, we never owned up to it. I guess there was 20 minutes of frantic screaming until they called the bar (that was the name of a bar) and verified there wasn't a Jeff working there.

Not so much revenge, just loved fucking with people.

I had this boss who hated me so much for no reason, so when she would leave for the day I used to be a really lazy peace of shit, and one of my friends that was also one of my bosses, and I were wasting time in our bosses office and I was going through her drawers and I found her chapstick, so I rolled up up as much as I could without it breaking it and put it in my vag, and a couple days later I was in the office with her and she used it right in front of me. It was the best day of work ever.

did she start to get sores on her lips after that?


JUST KIDDING AMY!!! *nudge nudge*

you know we joke around here. dont get your feelings hurt

what's wrong with that? I'd use it:p

Had a captain at work that was a total cocksucker,he used to try and lie on the guys to get them time off.He would lock his office door and take the keys home so nobody could get in when he was gone.However,just above his office was a crawlspace where you could slide in during midnights and have just enough room to get your dick out and piss down a certain building rafter and it would soak through his ceiling right onto his desk.
And along the lines of Thomas' story,I knew what time he came into to a tee and when I put the crazy glue in his lock just before he got there they key managed to actually get fused in the lock.
Another guy at work was scheduled to work Christmas.In the weeks before the holiday he was asked if he wanted to swap the day,to which he refused. Come Christmas day nameless prick decides to call off sick so I get stuck working the mandatory(the 1st Christmas with my new wife and house).So the next night I register him for information for a gay men singles cruise,gay porn catalogs sent to his house and a nice rainbow sticker on his bumper that for some reason stayed there for at least 3 weeks.

Haha she was 50 year old woman, my pussy wasn't her thing. I told this story to my new boss and I think thats why we get alog so well.

This is more a practical joke than revenge but until somebody starts a practical joke thread...

If you have 2 people that are going to meet each other for the first time you can do this.

We'll call the girl Sarah and the guy Mike.

Tell Sarah to steer the conversation towards movies because Mike really likes movies and will talk gladly about them for ages and you can really "connect" with him that way.

Then you tell Mike that whatever you do DONT start talking about movies with Sarah, she'll go on and on and is very opinionated and gets bitchy about it all and you'll ruin your chances with her.

Then listen to the conversation. Best to use at a party of some sort.


I personally have never done it but it sounds funny.

my ex was quite the exemplary douche, so i just entered his ## on several phone sex websites. before i dumped him, i put icy hot in his lube and then keyed the side of his new infiniti. :D :D

HOLY SHIT. Note to self, never piss off hedy

Had a coworker who was an exemplary douchebag. He had just gotten back from Iraq, yes even soldiers can be cockbags. He kept talking down to other employees and talking about how he was a real man because he had seen war. So we took some of those string poppers (you pull the string on either end and it makes a loud bang) tied them to the door of the ambulance. When the next run came out, he ran out to the ambulance flung the door open and the poppers went off. He hit the deck and nearly started crying.

The entire station was rolling.

Can't think of anything 'vengeful' at the moment, but along Lucas' line of jokes, I used to work with a guy who got ass-crack rashes a LOT (he made sure to make us aware of this; why, I've never bothered to know), and he'd kindly left his talc powder in the employee can.

So, I dumped about a tablespoon of white pepper in it and gave 'er a good shake. He stopped leaving the bottle out in the open after that.

I've done the same with toilet paper, too. The big sandpaper rolls were best for that, since it got all over the hands and in the shorts.

Minor revenges I just remembered.

Tabasco sauce in straws, and/or on the rims of the red restaurant cups.

Had a boss that pissed me off constantly, so when he ordered a batch of wings mild, I slipped a single custom-made suicide wing in the batch.

Had another boss who was a bit freaked out about seafood, so I put a cooked lobster in a fridge at just about eye level with him. He never opened a fridge door with impunity again (industrial restaurant fridge). I had the best schedule after that. That was for scheduling me on the night of a Motley Crue concert. Which I inevitably did get off. :)

I can't think of any awesome-level revenges like you guys and gals have had at the moment, but if I do, I'll share.

Oh, I worked with a dude who was pissed off at a waitress for being a cunt to him constantly, so when she came around back and tried her tricks at getting an order over others, he played up to it. When she took off for a few minutes, he grabbed a pair of latex gloves, stuck a glob of strawberry pie filling in a finger, then crammed a breakfast sausage in behind it. When she came back to get her order, he was cutting something or other, then when he went to reply to her, he 'cut' into the 'finger'. Suffice it to say, the 'blood' and severed finger, coupled with his acting, made her tear off to the can, puke a few times, and go home for the day.

She stopped talking to him completely after finding out, which was fine with him, since it stopped her from pestering him for advance orders after that. Ahhhh the shit we used to pull at East Side Mario's.

I second the practical joke thread. :)

This guy who lived across the hall from me in the dorms was a complete cocksucker and blatantly checked out my then lady in front of me. He started talking about her in some seriously derogatory shit about what he'd like to do to her of the sexual nature (shit like we talk about on the board) to some of the guys in the the dorm...who he didn't realize were my best friends from High School. (it was very early in the year). So I catch wind of this and wanted to fuck him up (18 years old is a bad time to tell some guy you want to pork his chick. Now, I take it as a compliment :D) Rather than get arreted, my boys talked me into fucking with his stuff and it became an all out awesome'fest. He was a fresh fruit freak and his roomate didn't like him much either, so his fruit bowl paid a visit to mine on a daily basis for a month. One of my buddies rubbed one out and finsihed in his hair gel. Oh, and the best move was when we drank his top shelf booze and filled it back up with a combo of water and a few drops of very bottom shelf. He'd always try and talk up his liquor, but we all knew that he was now getting drunk on the placebo affect and it just made him look like a bigger cock. Just thinking about it makes me feel even better about it now.

My ex-wife and her family are all Catholic, but not very good ones. Like, they would drink, swear, fight and argue and stuff Monday to Saturday but come Sunday they were all confessions and Hail Marys and everything was rosy again.

Anyways, about 8 years ago my sister got pregnant to a guy who fucked off when he found out about it and my father-in-law, being what he is, gave her a proper talking to, all high and mighty about the importance of a father in bringing up a child and how Gods will is the way forward and all that religious shit that I can't stand. Basically bringing her right down when she was pretty down anyway.

Fast-forward 2 years and I find out that my ex is a twisted, lying, thieving bitch (Me? Bitter and Twisted? Never!) and we split up. 2 weeks after we split up I find out that she's pregnant and I KNOW it's not mine, I hadn't went near her for a while, and I find out she thinks it could be one of any three guys.

She's heading back to Mummy and Daddy and I decide to phone them and ask if she's there.

Me:- 'Is ****** there?'

Them :- 'No, she's not here yet, what do you want?'

Me:-' I'm just concerned, I just found out she's pregnant and doesn't know who the father is and i'm worried she'll try something stupid'

Them:- 'SHE'S WHAT?'

Me:-'Oh, you didn't know? She hasn't told you yet? I'm really sorry, I'd better go.'

I hang up with a great feeling of self-satisfaction.

Job done.

Pretty mild... You know those 3x5 cards you find in magazines sometimes... The ones with a bunch of numbers on them that correspond to some product advertised in the magazine. You're supposed to circle the ones you want more info on and then fill out the card and send it in. Well, if you circle 6-7, they don't get suspicious, so I usually use 4-5 different cards, circle a handful on each, and put the person's name/address on all the cards. In a few weeks, they get flooded with junk mail.

I call bullshit on this, i have read it before and he cut the ending out of it.

My story, asshat in college that used to swipe people's drinks, got sick of it after mine was taken 2 days in a row. (he would walk into class and just take it from in front of you) so i got some extra strength laxative topped up an old bottle and left it sitting on my desk, everyone was in on it, and there were many stifled laughs as he chugged the bottle. classes were 2 hours long and he did not make it out of the room, he dropped his guts a couple of times and on the third time he fulled his pants. much pointing and laughing ensued.

I dated a guy who cheated on me. This was when i was back in school, and was on the Athletic division. I had a friend who had the master keys to the locker rooms (she swiped 'em and made copies) and we went in to his locker room and poured cayenne pepper in every OTHER guy's gym bag except his. needless to say, he got in some serious trouble.

I like the Angry pirate! ~ that is(for those who don't know) it's shooting your load in your chicks eye and then kick her in the Knee! She will have one hand over her eye and hopping around on one foot! LOL

Not really revenge (could be) but a good prank I learned at work. If someone leaves an article of clothing laying around. Get it, soak it with water and then put it in a trash bag. Seal the bag and throw it in a freezer.

My favorite revenge is what I like to call the "Old Upper Decker"... You see you pretend to be friends with the person you loathe, go over to their house, ask to use the bathroom, then take the lid off of the back of the toilet, and take a huge dump in the reservoir. Replace the lid, and leave. Every time they flush the toilet for the next few weeks, there will still be shit in the toilet, it's the gift that keeps on giving!

They've been doing that to uniform tops for years. Always funny.

I once took a hand and a half bastard sword to a dickhead's 67' GTO. Normally I'm a lover of old cars, but I worked my ass off restoring a 69' Camaro SS and he was always bragging about his GTO that his daddy bought him and how much better it was than my Camaro. He didn't do any work himself and tried to act like he knew all about old cars.

My friend was having a part (back in High School) and this dick wasn't invited nor wanted because he was such an asshole. We told him to get the fuck out.

So he ran home (next block over from my friend's house), came back and took a key to my doors, put oil in the tank, and opened the hood and poured oil down the carb. One of the guys at the party saw him running away about 15 minutes after he "left" pissed off. I go out, see my doors, get pissed and try to start the car to go show his parents what he did. I didn't know about the carb/tank until I tried to start the car.

So I waited until about 2am, snuck over to his house and beat the shit out of his precious car. Amazing how a 5lb 300 year old piece of metal can cut right through car sheet metal, tires, windows, A-pillars and grills.

No shit, sherlock, it was a joke.

BUMP for shits and giggles! GO!!!!!

after this guy passed out drunk, a friend rubbed some kind of a jalapeno in his ass and spread some egg white. i'm told his look after waking up was priceless...

I used to work the night shift at a factory in my town - my supervisor was an absolute asshole. He got paid about 100 grand a year and in the two years a mate and I worked for him, we never saw him do anything except for check his email and surf crap amateur porn sites (as opposed to distinguished porn boards such as DSF). When my mate left and I was the only one on the night shift, I decided to fuck with him - doing stuff like leaving rotting garbage in his desk. When that got boring, I would give his coffee cup a wash in the toilet bowl every single night I was there.

By the time I left for greener pastures, I'd been doing that for 18 months or so and he was still drinking out of it. On my last night there I recorded a video of his mug getting a taste sensation upgrade and showed it to everyone in the business except for him. Since everyone thought he was a cunt, no one fessed up for months - it eventually got back to him and he switched mugs. What he didn't know is that I taught my replacement to wash the mug the same way.

There's been four guys in that role since I left, and every single one of them has kept up the fine tradition.




Regarding pranks - my boss' father in law was in the Navy and used to mail shits to his mates on leave. The secret to mailing a shit, it seems, is to wrap it in gladwrap for maximum freshness.