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-   -   Random Joke Thread (forum.drunkenstepfather.com/showthread.php?t=1944)

chrisnc 08-08-2011 08:31 PM

An Indian lays his head down on the prairie and says
"Buffalo come"

The pioneer says "How do you know?"

Indian says
"Ear sticky"

chrisnc 08-12-2011 06:39 PM

After no dates or sex for five years a woman goes to see Chinese expert sex therapist Dr Chang. He says "Harro! Take off all your croase, get down and craw reery reery fast to otherside room. She does "Okay craw reery reery fast back". As she did Dr Chang shook his head. "Yor probrem vewy vewy bad, worse case Ed Zachary disease I ever see, dat why u get no man". She says "God, what's Ed Zachary disease?" Dr says "Is when your face look Ed Zachery like your ass!"

maxbailey 08-16-2011 05:29 AM

What do you get when you cross a polar bear with an Eton schoolboy?


A polar bear.

NookieJunkie 08-16-2011 01:42 PM

I was having a dirty webcam chat with a blonde last night. I said to her "How many fingers can you get inside your pussy?"
She replied "Ooh, I've never tried before. Let me have a go, I'll be right back."

Five minutes later she comes back breathing heavily and sweating. She tells me, "That was fun, I managed to get all ten in, but he scratched my arms to bits and shat all over my hand."



A Welshman, an Irishman and a Scotsman...
...had nothing to do with the London riots.


I went to a fancy dress as Spiderman and shagged a girl dressed as Catwoman. We had the most amazing sex, but never revealed our identities to one another.
I told my family about it over breakfast. My dad high-fived me, my mum rolled her eyes and my sister ran off crying for some reason.

chrisnc 08-16-2011 09:56 PM

Seven-year-old Mary brought her report card home from school. Her marks were good... mostly A's and a couple of B's. However, her teacher had written across the bottom "Mary is a smart little girl, but she has one fault. She talks too much in school. I have an idea I am going to try, which I think may break her of the habit".

Mary's dad signed her report card, putting a note on the back "Please let me know if your idea works on Mary because I would like to try it out on her mother".

chrisnc 08-19-2011 03:40 PM

This man is walking down the road and hears someone crying. He stops and looks over the fence and sees a woman without any arms or legs crying beside a pool. He asks "What's the problem?" she says "Well I've never been hugged before." Well this is a nice guy so he hops the fence and gives her a hug. Half an hour later he is going back to his car and hears her crying. He asks "Now what's wrong?" she says "I've been thinking and..I've never been kissed before". Well the guy thinks what's the harm in giving her a kiss to make her feel better? He hops the fence and gives her a kiss. At his car he finds that his keys are lost so he goes back to the girl and finds his keys there but he sees her crying again. "Now what's wrong" he asked She responds "I've never been fucked before" The guy picks her up and throws her into the pool and says "Now you're fucked real good."

chrisnc 08-19-2011 03:50 PM

A bear and a bunny are sitting in a forest taking a shit. The bear leans over to the bunny and says "Do you ever have the problem of shit sticking to your fur"? The bunny says "No". So the bear grabs the bunny and wipes his ass.

NookieJunkie 08-20-2011 06:55 AM

Filming of 'World War Z' in Glasgow city centre has hit a snag.
The zombies are having a hard time fending off the locals.


My next-door neighbour got broken into last night.
Or 'ass-fucked', as the other inmates called it.


My mate just said to me, "If you became invisible, what would you do first?"
I said, "I'd go to Paris, find a performing street mime and beat him to death, the round of applause he'd get would be astounding."

NookieJunkie 08-20-2011 07:01 AM

The wife asked me to sit and watch How to Look Good Naked with her....
I told her "If I want to see a nude fat bird with no confidence, I'd ask you to strip!"


A mother says to her young son, " Eat all your vegetables up son otherwise you'll end up like your father, look at him, no meat on him at all"
The boy turns around and says" That's not true mummy, only last night did I hear you demand he slam his 8 inches of meat into your bottom"


I'm making a fortune out of promoting home security systems.
The pitch is easy. All I do is say "Hello".
At 3 in the morning whilst sitting on the end of their bed.


My wife phoned me at work and said, "I'm not wearing any knickers"
I said, "I'll tell the boss I'm feeling sick"
She said, "So you can come home early and fuck me?"
I said, "No, because I'm feeling sick"

NookieJunkie 08-23-2011 11:46 AM

A man who tried to hold up a hairdressers got beaten up by a woman who then held him in a basement for three days, fed him only viagra and had sex with him regularly.
And they say it's difficult to pull women.



NEWS: Some Russian Students have been charged with a cumulative sentence of 35 years for making an 18 year old perform sexual acts and filming them on a mobile phone.
It's reported that the judge was furious at the fact they had used equipment with such a low resolution output.



I was invited to an orgy at Snow White's house last night. I must admit, it wasn't exactly the best one I've ever attended.
I was left feeling Grumpy.


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