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Q. What's the difference between an
epileptic oyster shucker and a prostitute with dysentery? A One shucks between fits... |
If you smacked a kid in the face with a bottle of johnson's no more tears, would it create beautiful irony?
Today, I saw that my ironing board cover was wrinkled. I laughed at the irony. Then I laughed again because irony has the word iron in it. |
What's the difference between a nipple and a cock? Nothing according to my new born son.
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Elton John's changing his new son's diaper ,when he turns to his husband and says "He reminds me so much of you David" David replies "Is it cos of his cute little nose and cheeky little smile?". "No" says Elton "He's got shit on his dick..."
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I was sitting on the train this morning opposite a really sexy Thai bird.
I thought to myself, "Please don't get an erection. Please don't get an erection." But she did. |
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What's brown and sticky?
A stick. |
I took a woman home last night and ended up
falling asleep on the sofa. I must have got our drinks mixed up. |
I have a new pick up line that works every time.
"Excuse me love, could I ask your opinion? Does this damp cloth smell like chloroform to you?" |
Statistics show that 1-in-20 of us live next door to a convicted paedo. Not me, though, I live next door to two stunning eight year-olds.
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