Weird Japanese Body Modification
 

This extreme body modification is growing in popularity in Japan. People make saline inflations in foreheads and arms to make them look deformed, large and weird. But don't worry, saline inflations aren?t permanent.

World's most dangerous tourist trail (in Tibet)
 

hey tat, do you know where this is? I am pretty sure somewhere in Spain. I saw a video of a guy walking the whole trail while he held a camera and filmed it. It was one of the sickest things I've ever seen. I have been trying to find that video again but I can't. Thanks for any info you have.

This is actually Mt. Huashan in China, very close to Tibet. The wood plank section is about 200' and called "kissing the rock." you can see why. there are quite a few Taoist temples only accessible by the trail.

Iranian Nokia Backlash
 

After it was revealed that Nokia provided the Iranian government with surveillance assistance during the post-election crackdown, Iranians are rightfully upset. One created this ad for a "new Nokia product, produced with the cooperation of the Islamic Republic of Iran" that is "capable of identifying, torturing and killing Iranian youth."

F*ck It
 

This website has simple premise. Take a sticker that says "fuck". Place the sticker on a sign, display, or what-have-you. Snap a Photo, and Submit.

http://www.fuckthiswebsite.com/

women with mustaches
 

http://www.womenwithmustaches.com/

From the people who brought you the Birthers: Obama is probably the Anti-Christ
 

By David Neiwert Sunday Aug 02, 2009 5:00pm

The fine folks at WorldNetDaily -- the wingnut outfit that was the original source of most of the Birther conspiracy theories, and remains their most ardent defender -- has a new theory it wants to trot out for mainstream consumption:

Barack Obama is actually the anti-Christ. Jesus said so!

An American Christian has produced a brief film for YouTube that connects one statement by Jesus in the Gospel of Luke to President Barack Obama.

His 4-minute video focuses on the direct quote: "I beheld Satan as lightning fall from heaven." (Luke 10:18)

"When I started doing a little research, I found the Greek word for 'lightning' is 'astrape', and the Hebrew equivalent is 'Baraq,'" said YouTube contributor "ppsimmons," a self-described Christian with a theological education and many years in the ministry, who spoke to WND under condition of anonymity out of concern for members of his local church. "I thought that was fascinating."

As he continued looking into the rest of the words in the phrase, he focused on "heaven," and found that it can refer not just to God's dwelling place, but also "the heights" or "high places."

He then recalled Isaiah 14:14, where Lucifer, another name for Satan, is quoted as saying, "I will ascend above the heights of the clouds; I will be like the most High."

"I wondered what the word 'heights' is," said ppsimmons, "and I looked it up in the dictionary, and it's 'Bamah.'"

Thus, on the video, the announcer notes, "If spoken by a Jewish rabbi today, influenced by the poetry of Isaiah, He (Jesus) would say these words in Hebrew ... 'I saw Satan as Baraq Ubamah.'"

Of course, both the "Christian" and WND then go to some pains to try to claim that they're not suggesting Obama is the anti-Christ. Which is sort of like saying you're not a racist after calling a black person the N-word.

I'm just waiting for Lou Dobbs to trot this one out and start mainstreaming it for public consumption. Or, more likely, Glenn Beck.

source

lolololol...fucking retards!

Sex Pistol Ice Cream
 

Sex Pistol Ice Cream

Viagra ice cream to go on sale at Selfridges
Pop-up boutique The Icecreamists will serve The Sex Pistol - an ice cream cocktail packed with libido-boosting ingredients and served with La Fee Absinthe

by: Serena Kutchinsky
10 August 2009
The Sex Pistol is served with La Fee Absinthe
PrevNextView galleryForget traditional vanilla. Londoners will be able to treat themselves to a new ?vice cream? in autumn when pop-up ice cream boutique, The Icreamists opens in Selfridges .

Entitled The Sex Pistol, this bespoke creation is served as an ice cream cocktail and is packed with libido-boosting ingredients such as ginkgo, biloba, arginine and guarana. It?s served with a shot of the highly intoxicating La Fee Absinthe and is guaranteed to get your blood pumping. Customers are limited to one serving per person.

Matt O?Connor, founder of The Icecreamists, says: ?This is the perfect apr?s shopping treat. Just one Sex Pistol will leave you feeling energised and confident ? but please, don?t pester the staff!?

The Sex Pistol costs ?11.99 and is available to customers aged 18 and over.

From 10 September, Selfridges shoppers will be able to indulge in more guilty pleasures when The Icecreamist boutique opens in the department store?s basement. It?s open daily until 1 November and will serve cryogenic cocktails frozen at -196?C, pure frozen yogurts and an array of artisan ice cream flavours.

This is a pretty long video that can be summarized as follows: girl doesn't know boyfriend is traveling, girl gets upset when calls/texts/etc are not returned, girl sends a million crazy emails. You can read all the emails in the video, and maybe you will find them funny; I find them truly terrifying in a ?I cannot believe men put up with women, ever, no really? sort of way.
(Transcript below for the impatient).

During the summer of 2007, I had the opportunity to backpack around Europe for 2 weeks. I talked about it often before I left. My girlfriend however, although great in many respects, was not the world's greatest listener. I left on Friday June 1st. despite even calling her to say goodbye the night before, she never realized I left. When I arrived home 2 weeks later, I had several emails from her, waiting in my inbox....

Friday, June 1st 11:31am

Subject; maddy Babe!

smooch Hey doll, me and the girls are gonna hit up the maddy tonight. I'll call you in a bit, you and the boys should come out too. love, em

Friday June 1st 4:40pm

Subject: Come out come out, hehe

Hey hun, me again. Tried calling your cell a few times today but it kept going right to voicemail. You're not screening me are you?;) (Ed Note: my cell phone was off for the entire trip so that I wouldn't get insane roaming charges in europe.)

Saturday June 2nd

subject: missed you! (frowny face)

JDddddd... I missed you last night! There were these two super creepy guys who kept trying to talk to us all night. I let the one guy buy me a drink and as soon as he handed it to me I told him he reminds me of my boyfriend, ha ha ha. I tried your cell again but again no answer, having cell problems dear? Anyway, Marla and me are going out for brunch to try and get over our hangovers... tonight, you and me, dinner at your place. Call me today.

Sunday June 3rd

Subject: Uh...hello...?

JD, wtf. Why are you not responding to my ecalls and emails? Where are you?! I waited all night for you to get in touch with me. I'm not happy here babe... call me ASAP!!!

Sunday June 3rd

no subject. (Email was empty)

Tuesday June 5th

Subject: WTF

What the fuck is going on?! Why are you avoiding me? You're not answering your cell, you won't return my texts.... JD wtf?! I know you're around! Your friend jeremy is such a bullshitter. When he said he hadn't seen you all weekend I could hear you talking in the background! I thought you were different fuck nut! (Ed. Apparently she called one of my friends to find out where I was on the weekend. I have no idea what she's talking about here though.) Last chance... call me tonight with the best excuse of your life or I walk asshole.

Tuesday June 5th

Subject: Read this asshole!

I've tried call you, I've tried calling your friends, your mom. What the fuck did I do? Ws it just time? Time to dump me? You could at least tell it to my face asshole. We're through... don't call me, don't text me, don't bother now. You'll never know what you lost, I was the one, and now I feel sorry for you because you'll never have that again. I feel so sorry for you, ha ha ha. (ed: she left messages at my mom's demanding I call her back. My mom would've called her to tell her I was in Europe except she didn't leave her number and my mom doesn't have it.) (Ed: I just got dumped while I was on a different continent than my girlfriend... I've been in Europe only 5 days... and the emails are just beginning.

Friday June 8th

:no subject

I hate you.

Sunday june 10th

subject: fuuuuuuck U

hey fuck fcee, remmembe r that friend of mine that I was you were jealous of who I said that nuffin ever will happen with well I was crying with him about you and he told me how amazing I was, how he always though so and so I fucked him to show you I'm right! Now who's the stuipd one? I can't get any guy I want and whatr are you doing just sitting at home crying over how you lost me? Well don't cry for me because you've already lost me asswhole! Ha ha ha ha ha (ed I would say I've been cheated on... but technically I'm single at this point)

Tuesday June 12th

Subject: Read ASAP

JD, Call me, we need to talk

Tuesday June 12

Subject: Just listen....

ok fine, you don't want to call me then just listen. I'm mad and hurt right now. I really felt something between us and now you've gone and thrown it all away and I have no idea why. JD, we were amazing together weren't we? We always had fun, and I tried to be so easy going and happy with you. We were the couple that could spend an evening out with our friends or laze about on the couch and either way end it all in fantastic sex and confessions of love. I know that something has happened to change all that, but you have to admit that you still feel something for me. To deny that is to deny your very soul. I know you'll call me tonight. We have a lot to discuss. A lot of bad nd good. It may not change things and we may still be broken up, but you at least owe me a conversation. A chance. Em

(ed: I've been in Europe for 12 days. I am coming home on Saturday. On this day I go shopping in Rome and get a necklace for Em and write a postcard to my grandparents.)

Thursday June 14th

Subject: I tried...

I tried to reach out to you JD, I really did. But I take back all those nice things I said. I'm glad we're broken up. You're boring as shit to be with. I pretended so many times to like the stupid shows you like, to watch the stupid movies you like, to enjoy spending time with your asinine friends. I've moved on. I realize that you are not the right person for me in any way whatsoever. You bring out the worst traits in me and I'm a million times better without you. I'm bringing by a bunch of your stuff to you mom's house. So long JD, I'd like to say it was fun but it really wasn't. Believe me when I say that I never want to hear from you again. Em

Thursday June 14th

subject: OPEN FIRST!!! DO NOT READY ANY OTHER EMAILS!!!

If you love me, you will delete every email I've sent you over the past week without reading it. (ed: When she went by my mom's house to drop off my stuff, she bumped into my mom... my mom told her I was in Europe until Saturday...) JD please I am begging you that when you get back you do not read any email but this one. We've all made mistakes while you've been away. I can explain it all to you, call me ASAP. I love you with all my heart and soul! Em

(Ed: I read the emails... Em and I are no longer together. I learned two very important lessons from this whole ordeal. 1. Careful when you date passionate people, because passion swings both ways. Sometimes they'll love you, but other times they'll hate you. And when they hate you...boy do they hate you. 2. When you go to Europe for 2 weeks, leave your fucking phone on.)

Blind Search Engine Test
 

Take a blind test to see whether you actually prefer Google, Yahoo!, or Bing search results. Techcrunch points out that people always think they prefer Google but will choose the results from other search engines when the branding is switched or obscured, so this is a neat way of actually putting that to the test. I got Yahoo!, and was secretly disappointed.

How Long Would it Take to Travel to the Nearest Star?
 

We've all asked this question at some point: How long would it take to travel to the stars? And could I do it in my lifetime? There are many answers to this possibility, some very simple, others in the realms of science fiction. To make this easier to answer, we'll address how long it would take to travel to the nearest star to the solar system, Proxima Centauri. Unfortunately, any route you take to the stars will be slow, even if you are powered by the most powerful nuclear propulsion technology?

In April, I examined how long it takes to travel to the Moon. We took the fast-track with New Horizons Pluto mission, powering past Earth's only natural satellite in a mere eight hours and 35 minutes. We also had the leisurely ion drive-propelled SMART-1 mission that trundled its way to the Moon for 13 months. So, from the speedy rocket-propelled spacecraft to the economical ion drive, we have a few options open to us when flying around local space (plus we could use Jupiter or Saturn for a hefty gravitational slingshot). But say if we build a dedicated mission to somewhere a little more extreme?


The nearest star to Earth is our Sun. It is a fairly "average" star in the Hertzsprung ? Russell diagram's "Main Sequence." Our Sun is surprisingly stable, providing Earth with just the right sunlight for life to evolve on our planet. We know there are planets orbiting other stars near to the Solar System, but could they support life as efficiently as our Sun? In the future, should mankind wish to leave the Solar System, we'll have a huge choice of stars we could travel to, and many could have the right conditions for life to thrive. But where would we go and how long would it take for us to get there?

First choice would probably be Proxima Centauri, the closest star to the Solar System. Part of a triple star system called Alpha Centauri; Proxima is 4.22 light years from Earth. Alpha Centauri is actually the brightest star of the three in the system, and so the system is named after this star. Alpha Centauri is part of a closely orbiting binary about 4.37 light years from Earth, but Proxima Centauri (the dimmest of the three) is an isolated red dwarf star 0.15 light years from the binary. Red dwarf stars generate far less energy than our Sun, so we'd have to find a planet in a closer orbit to this red dwarf to sustain life as we know it.


Interstellar travel probably conjures up some outlandish theories about the technology we could use to get there. Star Trek's warp drive will have to wait and stay in the "sci-fi" category for now, it is more likely any deep space trip will take generations rather than a few days. So, starting with one of the slowest forms of space travel, how long will it take to get to Proxima Centauri? Remember, this is all conjecture as there is currently no benchmark for interstellar trips?

Slowest: Ion drive propulsion, 81,000 years
Ion drive propulsion was considered to be science fiction only a few decades ago. In recent years however, the technology to support ion propulsion has moved from theory and into practice in a big way. The ESA SMART-1 mission for example successfully completed its mission to the Moon after taking a 13 month spiral path from the Earth. SMART-1 used solar powered ion thrusters, where electrical energy was harvested from its solar panels and used to power its Hall-effect thrusters. Only 82 kg of xenon propellant was used to propel SMART-1 to the Moon. 1 kg of xenon propellant provided a delta-v of 45 m/s. This is a highly efficient form of propulsion, but it is by no means fast.


One of the first missions to use ion drive technology was the 1998 Deep Space 1 mission to Comet Borrelly. DS1 also used a xenon-powered ion drive, consuming 81.5 kg of propellant. Over 20 months of thrusting, DS1 was designed to reach a cometary flyby velocity of 56,000 km/hr (35,000 miles/hr).

Ion thrusters are therefore more economical than rocket technology as the thrust per unit mass of propellant (a.k.a. specific impulse) is far higher, but it takes a long time for ion thrusters to accelerate spacecraft to any great velocity. As the maximum velocity of ion thruster-powered spacecraft depends on the amount of fuel it can carry and the amount of electricity it can generate, although slow, if ion thrusters were to be used for a non-time critical mission to Proxima Centauri, the ion thrusters would need a huge source of energy production (i.e. nuclear power) and a large quantity of propellant (although not as large as less-economical forms of space travel, such as rockets). As interstellar ion engines do not exist yet, I will quickly calculate how long it would take for an interplanetary ion engine spacecraft, like Deep Space 1 to travel to our nearest stellar neighbour.


Assuming all the 81.5 kg of xenon propellant translates into a maximum velocity of 56,000 km/hr (assuming there is no other forms of propulsion, such as a gravitational slingshot, and this velocity remains constant for the duration of the journey), Deep Space 1 would take over 81,000 years to travel the 4.3 light years (or 1.3 parsecs) from Earth to Proxima Centauri. To put that time-scale into perspective, that would be over 2,700 human generations. So I think we can categorically say, interplanetary ion engine mission speeds are far too tiny to be considered for manned interstellar missions. But, should ion thrusters be made bigger and more powerful (i.e. ion exhaust velocity would need to be higher), with enough propellant for the spacecraft's entire 4.3 light year trip, the 81,000 years would be greatly reduced.

Fastest: Gravitational assists, 19,000 years

The 1976 Helios 2 mission was launched to study the interplanetary medium from 0.3AU to 1AU to the Sun. At the time, Helios 1 (launched in 1974) and Helios 2 held the record for closest approach to the Sun. However, to this day, Helios 2 holds the record for fastest ever spacecraft to travel in space. Helios 2 was launched by a conventional NASA Titan/Centaur launch vehicle (the craft itself was built in Germany) and placed in a highly elliptical orbit. Due to the large eccentricity (e=0.54) of the 190 day solar orbit, at perihelion Helios 2 was able to reach a maximum velocity of over 240,000 km/hr (150,000 miles/hr). This orbital speed was attained by the gravitational pull of the Sun alone.

Gravitational assists are a very useful spaceflight technique, especially when using the Earth or massive planets for a much needed boost in velocity. The Voyager 1 probe for example used Saturn and Jupiter for gravitational slingshots to attain its current 60,000 km/hr (38,000 miles/hr) interstellar velocity. Technically, the Helios 2 perihelion velocity was not a gravitational slingshot, it was a maximum orbital velocity, but it still holds the record for being the fastest manmade object regardless.

So, if Voyager 1 was travelling in the direction of the red dwarf Proxima Centauri, how long would it take to get there? At a constant velocity of 60,000 km/hr, it would take 76,000 years (or over 2,500 generations) to travel that distance. And what if we could attain the record-breaking speed of Helios 2's close approach of the Sun? Travelling at a constant speed of 240,000 km/hr, Helios 2 would take 19,000 years (or over 600 generations) to travel 4.3 light years.

Again, these speeds are prohibitively slow for any quick forms of transportation to the stars. Other technologies are required (wormholes, warp drives and teleportation will remain in the "sci-fi" drawer for now)?

Fastest (theoretical): Nuclear Pulse Propulsion, 85 years

Nuclear pulse propulsion is a theoretically possible form of fast space travel. Very early on in the development of the development of the atomic bomb, nuclear pulse propulsion was proposed in 1947 and Project Orion was born in 1958 to investigate interplanetary space travel. In a nutshell, Project Orion hoped to harness the power of pulsed nuclear explosions to provide a huge thrust with very high specific impulse. It is a major advantage to extract maximum energy from a spacecraft's fuel to minimize cost and maximize range, therefore a high specific impulse creates faster, longer-range spaceflight for minimum investment.


For archived prototype video of pulsed propulsion using conventional explosives, watch this video ?

The Partial Test Ban Treaty of 1963 is largely attributed to the cancellation of Project Orion (due to the obvious design flaw that huge amounts of radioactive waste would be pumped into space), but what kind of velocities could a nuclear pulse propulsion spaceship attain? Some estimates suggest a ballpark figure of 5% the speed of light (or 5.4?107 km/hr). So assuming a spacecraft could travel at these speeds, it would take a Project Orion-type craft approximately 85 years to travel from the Earth to Proxima Centauri.

In conclusion, if you were hoping to travel to the nearest star within your lifetime, the outlook isn't very good. However, if mankind felt the incentive to build an "interstellar ark" filled with a self-sustaining community of space-faring humans, it might be possible to travel there in a little under a century if we developed nuclear pulse technology. So your descendents may touch down on a planet closely orbiting Proxima Centauri, but unless we make a breakthrough in interstellar travel (and science fiction becomes more like science fact), we'll be stuck with long-term, pedestrian transits for the foreseeable (and distant) future?

Is Masturbation a Sin?
 

Bible Answer: Just recently I came across a passage of Scripture that seems to deal with masturbation.

"'When a man has an emission of semen, he must bathe his whole body with water, and he will be unclean till evening. Any clothing or leather that has semen on it must be washed with water, and it will be unclean till evening. When a man lies with a woman and there is an emission of semen, both must bathe with water, and they will be unclean till evening. (Lev 15:16-18)

Notice verse 18 deals with seminal emission during sexual intercourse, but verse 16 is speaking of a seminal emission that does not occur as a result of intercourse. If this is indeed a reference to masturbation, the matter-of-fact way in which God deals with this matter certainly indicates that no feelings of shame should be attached to it. He simply said, "Go take a bath."

It seems to me that if God were really bothered by such a practice, then He missed a teachable moment here in this passage. Since He clearly condemns sexual intercourse between men in Leviticus 18:22 and says "that is detestable", I think that if He had really wanted us to avoid this particular practice, He would at least have said something like "That is disgusting" instead of "Go take a bath."

Masturbation has been around for a long time, and since God does not clearly condemn it, I would not be too bothered with it either. Masturbation is practice far more than adultery or fornication yet God is practically silent on the issue. This ought to tell you that God is not overly concern with it.

However, let me caution you against addiction to masturbation. Just like most things, masturbation can turn into an addiction. If you find yourself constantly?several times a day?masturbating then you can be reasonably sure that you have a sexual addiction. Paul said, "'Everything is permissible for me'?but I will not be mastered by anything" (1 Cor 6:12). This includes masturbation. Also, you should never use pornography to masturbate, and if you are married, keep your thoughts on your wife. It is the same sin to make love to your wife while thinking about another woman as it is to masturbate while thinking about another woman. Concerning single people, I have no advice other than a prohibition to pornography.

If a believer uses masturbation to alleviate sexual temptation that's far better than actually being tempted to commit fornication or adultery. I would rather have a man masturbate than go to a prostitute.

Another thought, if masturbation is sinful, then you would expect there to be bad health consequences to it, such as found in adultery, homosexuality, and fornication (diseases for one thing). Instead, research has found that masturbation serves to release sexual tension. If a man is prevented from having sexual release, then the seminal fluids can back up, causing increased sexual tension and physical discomfort. It also increases the risk of prostate inflammation. This might explain why priests who practice celibacy and who view masturbation as sinful have a higher rate of prostate cancer.

Since there are proven medical benefits to masturbation, it is difficult to make a biblical and reasonable case against it.

COOL FACTS ABOUT HUMAN BODY

Scientists say the higher your I.Q. The more you dream.
The largest cell in the human body is the female egg and the smallest is the male sperm.
You use 200 muscles to take one step.
The average woman is 5 inches shorter than the average man.
Your big toes have two bones each while the rest have three.
A pair of human feet contains 250,000 sweat glands. There are about one trillion bacteria on each of your feet.
A full bladder is roughly the size of a soft ball.
The acid in your stomach is strong enough to dissolve razor blades.
The human brain cell can hold 5 times as much information as the Encyclopaedia Britannica
It takes the food seven seconds to get from your mouth to your stomach.
The average human dream lasts 2-3 seconds.
Men without hair on their chests are more likely to get cirrhosis of the liver than men with hair.
At the moment of conception, you spent about half an hour as a single cell.
Your body gives off enough heat in 30 minutes to bring half a gallon of water to a boil.
The enamel in your teeth is the hardest substance in your body.
Your teeth start growing 6 months before you are born.
Your thumb is the same length as your nose.
If you are right handed, you will tend to chew your food on your right side, and vice versa.
If you stop getting thirsty, you need to drink more water. When a human body is dehydrated, its thirst mechanism shuts off.
Your tongue is germ free only if it is pink. If it is white there is a thin film of bacteria on it.
The pupil of the eye expands as much as 45 percent when a person looks at something pleasing.
The average person who stops smoking requires one hour less sleep a night.
Laughing lowers levels of stress hormones and strengthens the immune system. Six-year-olds laugh an average of 300 times a day. Adults only laugh 15 to 100 times a day.
The roar that we hear when we place a seashell next to our ear is not the ocean, but rather the sound of blood surging through the veins in the ear.
Every time you sneeze some of your brain cells die.
Your left lung is smaller than your right lung to make room for your heart.
The sound you hear when you crack your knuckles is actually the sound of nitrogen gas bubbles bursting.
It takes about 20 seconds for a red blood cell to circle the whole body.
Every day 200 million couples make love, 400,000 babies are born, and 140,000 people die.
Intelligent people have more zinc and copper in their hair.
Women blink nearly twice as much as men.
In one day, a human sheds 10 billion skin flakes. This amounts to approximately two kilograms in a year. Every square inch of the human body has about 19,000,000 skin cells.
Every hour one billion cells in the body must be replaced.
The human body makes anywhere from 1 to 3 pints of saliva every 24 hours.
The adult human body requires about 88 pounds of oxygen daily.
The width of your arm span stretched out is the length of your whole body.
There are as many hairs per square inch on your body as a chimpanzee. You don't see all of them because most are too fine and light to be noticed.
The average persons heart rate increases when they hear the word 'Orsm'. It's not uncommon for hot girls to pass out due to the excitement.
Dead cells in the body ultimately go to the kidneys for excretion.
By walking an extra 20 minutes every day, an average person will burn off seven pounds of body fat in a year. Also the same amount of calories are burned by doing 6 sessions that are 5 minutes each of an activity and doing 1 session of that activity for 30 minutes.
There are approximately 60,000 miles of blood vessels in the human body.
Each day 400 gallons of recycled blood are pumped through the kidneys.
The slowest growing finger nail is on the thumb nail and the fastest growing is the finger nail on the middle finger.
The human liver performs over 500 functions.

how many of you just held you thumb to your nose? :p

sonofabitch!

I did compare my bladder to a softball.

If you yelled for 8 years, 7 months and 6 days, you would have produced enough sound energy to heat one cup of coffee.

If you fart consistently for 6 years and 9 months, enough gas is produced to create the energy of an atomic bomb.

"Your thumb is the same length as your nose."

My thumb is longer. Good thing my penis is too.

my thumb was longer too. can't say the same for my penis.

How The Average U.S. Consumer Spends Their Paycheck

Is the alcoholic beverages "per month"????

its all per year

This Gang Bang is so Awkward - by Mike Polk
 

Oh man. How did I talk myself into this? This was not a good idea.

What am I supposed to be doing right now? Should I be doing something? She looks pretty occupied currently. She?s already handling three dudes. I guess I?ll just stand here and stroke it some more. Keep your head together Mike. Your time will come. Man this gangbang is awkward!

This seemed like it would be awesome. It always looked so cool in the videos. But all this waiting and watching is really uncomfortable.

I figured I?d just sort of fall into a natural rhythm and find my groove, but I?ve gotta admit that I am really perplexed as to the proper gangbang protocol here.

Whoa. She just looked at me. Does that mean she wants me to come up there so she can suck me off? Maybe that?s what she's indicating. But what if she didn?t mean that? What if I go up there and shove my junk in her face and she doesn?t want anything to do with it? I?d look like a real horse?s ass then. I?d better just wait here.

Man this guy?s taking a long time. Come on dude, who are you trying to impress here? There are other guys waiting.

Look at that guy?s penis! It?s way bigger then mine. Thicker at least. I hope I don?t have to follow him. She won?t even know I?m in there.

Oh man, he caught me staring at it. Well that?s just great. Now he?s gonna think I?m queer. I?m not queer man. I?m just a little self conscious. God this is awkward.

It?s too hot in here.

These guys are all saying sexy things to her. I?m the only one who?s not talking dirty. I should say something so that they don?t think I?m lame. Here goes....

?Yeah, you like that bitch!?

Shit. That was stupid. Now everyone?s looking at me like I?m some misogynistic asshole.

I am an asshole. Why did I have to say the most clich?, demeaning thing I could think of? Like I need to remind her that she ?likes that?. Smooth move dumbass.

I wonder why she?s doing this. I?ll bet she had a bad childhood. She probably lacked a strong paternal figure in her life.

Damn it. Now I?m half mast. Now I look like the guy that can?t keep it up. Concentrate Mike. Stop psychoanalyzing and keep your mind on the sex.

Okay here we go, that guy?s done. About time. Should I go now? I?ve waited long enough, I?m going in there.

Damn it. The Italian guy beat me to it. I was here way before the Italian guy. How are we determining who?s turn it is here anyways? Was there some sign up sheet I missed or something? Damn it.

Steady Mike old boy. There?s plenty for everyone. Just wait it out. Deep breaths.

I hope no one tries to go anal when I?m taking my turn. I?m not real cool with my stuff touching another guy?s stuff. And I think that would be unavoidable. That would be really awkward.

Something in here stinks. Is that me? I hope it?s not me. Oh man, I hope it?s not her! Wait, no, it?s the Italian guy. Thank God.

This Gang Bang is so Awkward - by Mike Polk

Okay, time to make your move Mike. I?ve gotta get in there and mix it up. Other wise I?m that creep at the gangbang who?s just watching and beating off. You?ve gotta be in it to win it. Okay here goes.

Wait, what?s going on? Everyone?s finishing off on her! We?re climaxing already? We just got started! I haven?t even gone yet!

Okay stay calm Mike. No one knows that. Just finish yourself off so that you?re not the odd man out.

Well this was great. This was just great. A red letter day in my sad sexual history. And what am I supposed to do now? Do we all hang around for a while and talk about it? Where should I clean up?

God this is awkward

^^^ epic. Truly.

I was depressed all day, not to mention in a terrible mood, but my god, that made it better. Wow, that's--- that sounds like me.:D

where the fuck did pisceschef get that from?

I read it on the million fucked up post thread you started.

Another by Mike Polk
 

Welcome to Every Date Ever:

Knock knock

Oh hi, how's it going? It's me! Every girl ever. I'm really looking forward to this date. I'm not nearly as attractive as you remember me being because when we met the bar was dark and you were drunk. Come on in.

Let's start off with the unavoidable tour of my incredibly typical post-college-girl apartment.

You'll notice that I went ahead and purchased everything that Ikea and Pier 1 have ever produced. There's my decorative birdcage over there even though I don't have a bird, and there's my gay wicker basket with bamboo poles in it. I don't know what the hell that's thing's all about, but I bought it.

Hey check it out, I have more candles in here than a Roman Catholic Church. Doesn't it smell like Hazelnut!? If I were to light all of my candles at once you could see my apartment from space! I fucking love candles!

Come on into the living room.

Oh, I see you met my cat there. That's "Freddy Paws Jr." Why don't you pet him and act like you like cats even though you hate cats? There you go. Oh, he took a little swing at your eye there huh? Yeah, he'll do that. Hey, let's check out the kitchen.

Hey look at my refrigerator. There are pictures all over it! Look at all these pictures of me and my equally vacuous friends from college! We were so crazy! You can tell we're really good friends because our faces are all pressed up against each other like that.

And check it out, we're holding up alcoholic beverages to the camera in every single picture. That's to prove that we were partying. College was so fun! But of course I don't talk to any of these girls anymore because now they're all bitches.

Let's go back into the hallway!

Hey, before we leave I'm going to go in the bathroom for ten minutes for some mysterious reason. Why don't you sit awkwardly in my big, stupid, round papizan chair over there while you wait for me. It's like you're sitting in a hug! Be right back...

Sorry that took a half an hour, I don't know what the hell I was doing in there. Let's go!

Wow! Thanks for opening my car door for me! I'm totally going to blow that meaningless gesture out of proportion and delude myself into thinking that you're a really good guy because that's what I want to believe.

Well, here we are at the restaurant. No thanks waiter, I don't need to see a menu, just bring me some expensive things. Hey I know, while we wait, I'll tell you all about my unspeakably boring job. I hate my boss. He's a jerk! I might get another job. Maybe something in pharmaceutical sales.

Now let's talk about my family. I love my family. I want you to love my family. I want my family to love you. I want you to make love to my family! I want you to go golfing with my semi-retarded brother Travis. That would be so God damned cute!

Wow! I can't believe I ordered all this food! I have no intention of eating any of it. No thanks waiter, we don't need a box. Just throw it out.

Hey, I've got an idea, let's go to a bar and have an after dinner drink! It'll be great, it will be just like how we're drinking here, only it will be louder and we'll have to stand up. Come on!

See, isn't this better? Oh hey, what a coincidence. Look over there! It's a group of my friends that I knew was going to be here. Let's go over there so that they can judge you!

Hey, I have to go to the bathroom for a half an hour again for some reason. You can stay here and talk to my unbelievably hideous friend Christine! Christine's so ugly she scares kids! Talk to her! She has a job and a family that she wants to talk to you about too. Be right back.

I'm back! Sorry I was gone for three hours, there was a line. I want to go home now.

Well here we are at my door again. This was really fun for me and not you. You should pretend like we're going to do it again sometime! Maybe I'll see you at Target a few months from now and we can avoid eye contact because you never called me. Here, have this awkward goodnight kiss that's as empty as my soul. Good night!

Wow, damnit, i gotta go back and read everything, see what else i missed.

Unfortunately, that thread continually reminds me of my epic fail.

I WAS A FUCKING DING DONG, HOW THE FUCK DID YOU GUYS PUT UP WITH IT? NOOBS ARE SUCH LOSERS; until we post tits and ass.

NEW YORK - FALL FASHION IN THE HOOD



Sometimes I might pull together the perfect outfit, successfully swaddle my funky trunk butt/blimpy beer sac into a slim aerodynamic illusion of cuteness, only to be defeated by the reality of my stupid face. My big dumb head ruins all my fashion efforts like perching a drippy bag of sausage and marbles atop the old Xmas tree. Mysterious bumps and crusty pimps are ever-present, and sometimes scary black hairs will grow overnight. A single one of those fucks are as creepy as a spider pincer.

There is no cute outfit ever that will cure this! The battle is continual for me, but most of us do have at least a few big dumb face days where you wish your head was an unessential option that could only be used for emergencies. Luckily, I feel a fashion forecast approaching where we will all be hooded, masked, secret-faced beings soon enough. Until that welcome day when our affordable GAP hoods are made available, I turn to the world of bondage hoods for inspiration. The options are limitless!


You can go for straight-up Don't-talk-to-me, I-am-a-person-with-a-bag-on-my-head look


To mega sack

to agro sac


to oily, wet, mega-freak sack.


For brutal hate yo'self days this one is extra padded so you can bang your head freely against any hard surface and you won't pass out.


This one I call "elegant nostrils."


How about the Kool Moe Dee?


The motorcycle seat nose style


Do you feel this black labia?


Or are you red labia?

Maybe you are both: a black, red, labia sweet surprise, just unzip to reveal your startled grin.


What about animals? Are you a saucy white rabbit?


or menacing black?


Handsome canine?

or shy frightened puppy?

We all are a little bit "aloof pig," are we not?


Bad day but yearn to be near your loved ones?


What are you staring at, Dick Nose?

Aw! Pretty bow!


Chillaxx hun, have a Coolatta...


Your makeup looks pretty!


The eternal paradox?


Get it giiirl!


Kish meeee!

Snort your raisins!


Although nothing--and I mean nothing--can compete though with this totally modern, minimalist, sensory deprived hood. Your reality can be a all candy pink sex bicycles, Redi-Whip and naps in this happy bubble of cute black vinyl and hooks.

ADRIANE SCHRAMM

I'm finally rubbing off on you huh?

Do you know why swimming in the Congo river is prohibited? This is why?
 

WTF^^^^

Did your doctor remove your balls and give you ovaries????

If so, I have a business opportunity for you

accidental dong